Deep Betrayal

chapter 33

NEGLECT

When we got back into the car, I pulled the map out of the glove compartment and started to plot our route. Calder kept his eyes straight ahead and left the car in park. “It’ll take us six hours to drive to Thunder Bay, and that’s just one way,” he said.

I looked at the legend and walked my fingers down the interstate. “Twelve hours? Plus who knows how long it will take us to find her. My mom’s never going to let me be gone that long.”

“Have you tried calling for your dad again?”

I folded up the map deliberately, taking my time to line up the creases before I answered. “No. Have you?”

“I’ve tried, but he’s not responding. I thought maybe you might have had better luck.”

“We don’t need his help,” I said.

“He’s not the bad guy,” said Calder, leaning toward me. “He’s just a little lost right now.” He pressed his head to mine. “Three searchers are better than two, particularly when one can’t swim very fast.”

I gave him a little head butt and he sat back, rubbing his forehead. “Okay, fine. I get it. You don’t want his help.”

“How far a swim is it to Isle Royale?” I asked.

“Just because driving would take too long doesn’t mean we’re swimming. It’s over a hundred nautical miles. That’s too far for you.”

“I can handle it,” I said.

“No.”

I pushed harder. “Our little boat can’t make it that far. It’s too small to cross that much open water. Swimming is our only option.”

Calder shrugged and adjusted the rearview mirror. “No problem. I’ll get us a bigger boat. There’s plenty to choose from in the marina.”

“Let’s not add to our troubles, okay? Maybe the Pettits would lend us their Sun Sport.”

“Which one of us is better equipped to ask for it?” asked Calder, chuckling low under his breath.

“Let me try the traditional way,” I said. “I’ll ask politely. They might say yes.”

He wrapped his arm around my neck and pulled me close. “Gotta love your optimism. Just let me know when you get the no, and I’ll pick us up something nice.”

* * *

In the end, I was right. Jack might have fallen into hysterics when I told him why we needed the boat, but he handed me the keys anyway, saying “You’re delusional. We both know who’s behind it all. Quit being so gullible.”

I ignored Jack and prepared for our trip, packing food and putting on the best fate-tempting outfit I could find: a Jimi Hendrix Isle of Wight Festival T-shirt, dated August 1970. If this was going to be our last hurrah, so be it.

Calder didn’t seem as fatalistic. I wondered if he planned on leaving me alone in the boat while he searched. If he did, he was a slow learner.

Calder checked the gas tank and filled an extra can. He spread maps on the captain’s stand. “I’ve never gone that far north above the surface,” he explained. “I need to get my bearings.”

“How long will it take to get there?”

“About three hours if we really power it.”

“That’s still so long.” I lifted the seats and pulled out the white vinyl cushions, uncovering Jack’s cinder-block anchor, and his dad’s scuba suit. Calder started the engine, and I leapt off the boat to untie the dock lines. As Calder backed from the slip, I walked the boat back, holding the line just as I’d seen Gabby do, and jumped onto the side rail as it pulled away.

“Very good,” Calder said. “I’m impressed.”

Once we cleared the no wake zone, Calder pushed the throttle forward and headed north, toward Basswood. The closer we got, the more the muscles in Calder’s jaw flexed and jumped.

“What’s wrong?” I finally asked over the drone of the engine. “You know Maris isn’t there. They’re probably still camping on Oak.”

“Just bad memories,” he said.

“Tell me.”

He looked over at me with a frown, sighed, and cut the engine. The momentum of our wake caught up with us and the boat bobbed several times before the water settled.

“This is where they trapped me. This is where I was when I heard you agree to jump.”

“Oh.” I should have known by the look on his face not to ask. I got up and reached for the key to restart the engine. We didn’t have to talk about this. It was better that he kept his mind clear. We had other things to worry about than the past. But he caught my hand.

“This is where I was when I saw you, through Tallulah’s mind, at the top of the cliff, and realized I could never make it back in time.”

“You did make it back.”

“Not in time to save you.” He bowed his head and scowled at the floor of the boat.

“That’s not the way I remember it.”

“You were barely conscious, Lily. How would you remember anything?” He seemed mad now, and I sat down on the seat.

“Okay. I’ll bite. What’s this really about?” I asked. “You should be focused on other things right now.”

“I wanted to be a hero, but I couldn’t do it.”

“I didn’t want to be saved,” I reminded him. “I was trying to do the saving. If you had interfered, they’d still be after my dad.”

Neither of us spoke for a while, and the waves sloshed rhythmically against the hull.

“I’ll never understand you, Lily. No ordinary girl would have done what you did.”

“I’ve never claimed to be ordinary.”

“Right,” he said, drawing out the word. “You’re a Half.”

“What do you think that means, exactly? That’s what Pavati called us, too.”

“Pavati?”

I forgot I hadn’t mentioned her little visit. I kept going. “Aren’t we all half? Except for you, of course, but Maris, Pavati, Dad—they all had human fathers and mermaid mothers. They’re Halfs, too. If Pavati was to have a baby—”

“Don’t make me laugh, but, yeah, I see what you’re saying. The thing is, you’re the reverse. You have a merman father and human mother.”

“And that makes a difference?”

“Apparently, it makes a very fortunate difference. It’s what’s keeping you from busting out with a tail.”

“I don’t see that as a good thing. If I could swim faster …”

Calder started up the boat again, drowning me out, and followed the Bayfield Peninsula around to Raspberry Island, cutting north between it and York. The farther north we traveled, the more my muscles tightened with trepidation. Calder must have been nervous, too, because he barely spoke over the next few hours, except to shout out meaningless comments about the islands, or the depth of the water, or finally the Rock of Ages lighthouse off Isle Royale.

Just north of the lighthouse, Calder slowed the boat and quieted the motor. He picked up our earlier conversation.

“I’ve been thinking, Lily, that it is a very good thing, you being a Half. If you were a full-on mermaid, think what that would mean. That would mean the whole package. The whole enchilada. You’d be miserable. I’d be right back where I started. We’d both be hunting the lake for kayakers.”

“I can’t speak for you, but I doubt I’d be miserable. As long as we were together, we’d still be happy.”

“I’d like to think so, but the truth is we have no way of knowing. This is going to sound harsh, but based on everything I’ve been taught, you and Sophie shouldn’t exist. Remember I told you mermen aren’t supposed to reproduce? That’s why Maris was so skittish around you on Oak Island. You were wondering about that, weren’t you? She doesn’t know what to make of merman offspring. She thinks you’re a freak of nature or something.”

“That’s a bit ironic, don’t you think?”

“To you, maybe.”

I laced my fingers through his. “Do you think I’m a freak of nature?”

“Absolutely. Just my type.”

Your type, I thought. Is that the best you can do? “Remember when you busted me for eavesdropping?”

“Vividly.”

“I heard my dad ask you … about how you felt about me?” I should be thoroughly flogged. Why am I doing this? Just shut up, Lily. Shut up before it’s too late. “I never heard your answer.”

Calder turned the key and cut the engine. The silence was startling.

“You know how I feel about you,” he said. I couldn’t help but notice the strange tightness in his eyes. “I’ve made no secret about it.”

“You need me,” I said.

“Yes.”

“People need lots of things.”

The corners of his mouth flinched upward, but if it was supposed to be a smile it was barely perceptible. “What do you want me to say, Lily?”

Say that you love me. Before I do. Say it out loud. “It doesn’t matter what I want you to say. It matters what you want to say.”

“This isn’t exactly the right moment,” he said.

“We’re about to go looking for a potentially killer water spirit. There might not be any other moments.”

I didn’t see where he pulled it from, but Calder rolled the dagger handle around in his palm. “Your dad wanted to know my intentions. But what I want doesn’t matter in the end.”

“The end of what?”

“Summer.” Calder motored our boat slowly across the water now. It barely felt like we were moving. “When fall comes—assuming we’re both still alive—I’ll need to look for warmer waters. It’ll be time for you to start college.”

“I don’t need college if I’m going to be a poet. All I need is inspiration.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little naive?”

“Wherever you go when summer’s over, I’m going with you,” I said, my voice raising an octave.

“You are?” Then his face fell. “I can’t have you do that.”

“Why? Would I cramp your style in the Bahamas?”

He scowled at me. “This isn’t a joke.”

“No,” I said. “It’s not. I love you, Calder. And I want to hear you say you love me, too.”

“It’s just a word, Lily.”

“So you’re telling me you can’t say it.”

He shifted his shoulders and fidgeted nervously with the nautical charts, folding them messily and storing them away. “I’ve said it. Once, when you were asleep. Just to see how it sounded.

“Thing is, Lily, I never thought love was possible. Not for me. Not for my kind. Then you came along and changed that. I have allowed myself to love you—” He broke off and looked at me, his eyes full of pain. Then he sighed in exasperation. At me? At himself?

“Please understand,” he said. “It feels too dangerous. When I look back on my life, I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever loved. I can’t lose you, too.

“Not saying the word out loud … not admitting it to the universe, maybe it’s stupid, but this is my way of keeping you safe.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but—”

“I can’t think about this now, Lily. We’re here. This is the spot Dr. Coyote marked. It’s time to go in.”

His words caught me unprepared, and I looked around nervously. Dr. Coyote’s approximation of Maighdean Mara’s whereabouts seemed more likely to be accurate than the Cornucopia boys’, but did that also mean she wasn’t the monster they thought she was?

Dr. Coyote had called her a benefactor. I didn’t like the idea of attacking something that had taken such care of human beings. But then again, if she had turned on us, if she was now a killer … Once more, I hoped the dagger was sufficiently sharp.

Calder busied himself with the anchor, then found some tiebacks to strap the dagger to his arm. He looked at me with purpose and put both hands on my shoulders. “Ready, then?” he asked.

Those two words imbued me with confidence. He was not going to argue with me about staying behind. We would do this together. I put one foot up on the rail and, keeping my eyes on his face, stepped up and over the side of the boat.

I sliced through the water, feeling everything rush upward—my blood to my ears, my hair trailing. I don’t know how deep I plummeted. The water here was different than anywhere else I’d been. Neither cold nor warm, it felt—if it was possible—alive. I could recognize each molecule individually as it bumped and trembled along the length of my limbs. The humming made the water feel dry, as if a thin layer of air outlined my body.

The only disruption to the steady vibration was when Calder shot through the water and exploded in silver shards of light. I shielded my eyes, feeling shrapnel of pure energy penetrate my skin. When I dared to look, Calder was inches from my face.

His hand slipped behind my neck and he kissed me hard, crushing his lips to mine. Only then did I truly feel what he’d been trying to tell me before. To lose him now would be impossible to bear.

Calder pulled back from the kiss and unsheathed the dagger. He held it firmly in his hand and pulled me along beside him toward the source of the heat.

As we dove deeper, the water swirled into unnatural patterns of lilac and green, and then intensified by the fathom to violet and jade. As the color deepened, my skin burned. The vibrations burrowed deep into my flesh, making their way into my bloodstream and racing for my heart. What was this place? There were no underwater landmarks; the surface seemed miles away. The sun was nothing more than a pinprick from another galaxy, and still I had no need for air.

Calder led me on, nearing the lake floor, to a large boulder, which hummed like a beehive. As we closed in, Calder abruptly dropped my hand and put on the brakes, skittering backward a few strokes before hesitating and leaning forward again. He reached, hands trembling, toward the boulder.

It was black and lichen green with coppery flecks, oval in shape, like the deformed egg of some prehistoric bird. When his fingers met the boulder’s surface, he jerked his hand back and studied his fingers. He touched the boulder again, caressing it along its humped back. Then his shoulders slumped.

Calder let his hands gently follow the smooth surface, investigating all sides. He pressed both hands against it and pushed. It was as big as my twin bed, so I was surprised by how easily it rolled. Calder treated it gently, respectfully, letting it rest on its side. It was so light, so delicate, I wondered why it didn’t float.

Calder spread his arms wide, slid them under the boulder, and carried it to the surface. I followed him, quickly retracing the trail we’d taken down. When I emerged from the water, I sucked greedily at the air, taking my first breaths since leaving the boat. I didn’t even want to think about how long it had been.

Calder dropped the dagger onto the floor of the boat and rolled the boulder gently onto the swim deck. But it was no boulder. The boat barely acknowledged the extra weight.

Calder watched my face closely as I drew my finger over its porous surface. After only a few seconds of examination, I began to see the line of an arm, the curve of a knee, the turn of a face, although the features were long since lost. It was more human than animal, but more stone than human. Looking at it now, in this fetal position, curled like a sleeping giant, I knew it was ridiculous to think she could have ever been responsible for the attacks. Even in her dark stony corpse, I knew she was a peaceful thing.

“It’s her?” I whispered, afraid my voice would wake it.

“Yes.”

“Is she asleep?”

“No,” Calder said, and there was a deep mourning in his voice that was beyond even what I was feeling. “Maighdean Mara isn’t the killer. She didn’t leave the cave to fend for herself. She left the cave to die.”

“What killed her?” I asked.

“We all did,” Calder said, and tears welled in his eyes. “Neglect.”

“We need to put her back,” I said. “She belongs in the lake.”

I rolled her off the swim deck and into Calder’s arms. He returned her to her resting place while I climbed into the boat and retrieved Dr. Coyote’s pennies. I dropped them one by one into the water and watched as they chased Maighdean Mara all the way to the bottom.