Deep Betrayal

chapter 21

EAVESDROPPER



The willow tree north of our dock must have been hit by lightning at some point in its history. While the whole tree was a beautiful umbrella of green, part of the trunk was split low, throwing a branch across the water with young shoots all along its length. I walked it as if it were a knobby balance beam, picking my way to a place where I could sit and dangle my feet in the water but still hide should someone want to drown me like poor Connor.

Didn’t work, though. Sophie found me. She followed, her arms held out to her sides, balancing, wavering, grinning at me. “Pretty dress,” she said. “Going somewhere?”

I looked down at the white, tiered minidress. I wasn’t going anywhere. With Calder gone, life—it seemed—had come to a standstill.

“Whatever you’re doing, can I watch?” Sophie asked.

“I’m just sitting here, Soph.”

“Really?” She scrunched up her face and sat beside me, kicking a spray of water out toward the dock. “You don’t look like you’re doing nothing.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

“Huh.” She picked bark off the willow branch and threw it at the water. “I thought maybe you were thinking about looking for Dad. He’s been gone a—”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” Every time Sophie brought up Dad, it also brought a liquefying feeling to my stomach. I tried to suppress it, but Sophie wasn’t fooled.

She said, “Settle down, Lily. I just thought maybe you could try looking for him. For Mom. She’s really worried.”

“If I could do something about it, I would have already,” I snapped back. I looked up at Sophie, and two red spots were burning in the center of her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Soph. But I don’t have any idea where to search.”

Sophie studied the water and nodded seriously, then, after a while, asked, “Do you wonder what Dad and Calder are doing?”

“What makes you think they’re together?”

She sighed dramatically and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. “Never mind,” she said. She got up.

“Sophie, what are you trying to say?”

“I’ll go. I can tell you don’t want me here.”

Her curly blond ponytail bobbed as she jumped from the branch down to the sand and walked up the yard. Before she reached the porch, she turned and yelled, “So are you going swimming or not?”

“Not!”

She ran into the house and slammed the door. I understood her frustration. By my count, it had been eight days since we’d seen Dad around the dinner table. I hadn’t seen Calder in a few days either. Not since our run-in with the Pettits at the police station.

But what did Sophie expect me to do about it? Even if I let her in on my secret experiments, it wasn’t like I could just go swimming after them. Holding my breath and searching three thousand cubic miles were two different things. Plus, there was Maris and Pavati to contend with. But maybe …

Maybe I didn’t have to leave. I jumped off the branch without a thought for my dress. The water was just barely over my head. Deep breath, and I let myself sink under to sit cross-legged on the rocky bottom, pressing my hands against the underside of the willow branch to keep from floating.

I’d heard voices before. If Calder’s theory was right, I should recognize Dad’s thoughts, seeing as he was family, and I was familiar with his voice on land. Maybe I could … if I strained.… At the very least I could practice my breath control.

The underwater experience always started the same for me: The crush on my ears. The metallic ringing. The low, humming vibration. I had to push past all that to hear anything else. The pips of lake trout. The brushing grasses. The tumble of small stones under my feet. Only when I searched beyond the expected could I discover the unexpected.

But today there was nothing.

I pulled out from under the branch and pushed myself up to the surface. Water streamed down my hair and down the lengths of my arms. I stared down at the water. My face reflected back at me. When did I start looking so serious?

I ducked under the branch again. Crush, ring, hum, pip, brush, tumble, then suddenly the hard bite of the T sound. I pushed further, straining to hear more. Teh, teh, the words time and can’t. Then the slosh of a J.

The first voice I heard was Calder’s. I’d know it anywhere. But it was muffled and far, far away. It came to me broken and thin: “Jas … iss time oo oh home …”

Then Dad’s voice, as clear as if he were standing right next to me: “I told you. I can’t.”

“Remem’er … Ba—and for … exerci … both muscles … impor’an …”

“I feel tight. I’m drying up. I need to stay in the water.”

Calder’s voice wavered even more. “Thas nah … emo … Geh … ba … your family.”

They both went out of earshot. I pressed forward, keeping only one finger on the branch. Where did they go, where did they go? After a few minutes:

“Speaking of family,” Dad said.

If Calder responded, I heard nothing from him.

Dad continued, “What are your intentions regarding Lily? I worry I’m not there to supervise.”

Oh dear God, I thought. Oh, please, no. Dad, do not embarrass me. I’m begging you.

“What was that?” Dad asked. Still nothing from Calder. A long, painful pause. For a moment I assumed they’d swum out of my range. Then:

“I think my daughter might love you,” Dad said.

Sweet Jesus.

“She does,” Calder said, completely confident.

“And what about you?” Dad asked.

Again, a humiliating silence filled the seconds. Had Calder responded? Was he considering his response? Did he say yes? No? Geez, Dad, I could kill you right now. Get out of my business.

“What is that?” Dad asked again. “Don’t you hear that?”

“Jason, focus … go home.”

“I told you. The more I’m gone, the worse Carolyn reacts. The worse she reacts, the harder it is to look at her. And that just makes me need the water more. The more I need the water, the more I’m gone. It’s a vicious circle.”

“… ly … break …” I was losing track of Calder again.

Then Dad said, “Do you think I should tell Carolyn the truth?”

“NO, Dad!” He couldn’t tell Mom! What was he thinking? Surely Calder wouldn’t let him. That would be too much for her to bear.

“Damn it, what is that? Is that Maris? Do you think I’m finally hearing them?”

“No,” Calder said. “I heard … time, too.… eavesdropping …” Then Calder’s voice turned from confused to sad. “Lily, is that you?”

I stood up, bashing my head on the underside of the branch, and ran, wet and heavy, into the house to hide and wait for his retribution.