This was pain, but it was the pain of recovered love, the piece of my heart moving right back to where it belonged.
As quickly as the pain had come, it left, my breath heaving as it faded to nothing more than the dull throb of a deep tissue bruise. My hand fell away to reveal only the diamond lying in my hand. The cold surface was slick with my own blood, the gleam staring at me.
“It looks just like your eyes,” I said the words aloud, feeling the bind Ilyan had put on my mind slipping away and taking with it the clarity that had been so treasured. I knew I needed to get the words out now before it was too late. Before I wanted to kill her again.
“Wear it always.” It was a gasp in my throat.
Sain’s hand curled around my arm, his grip tight as he lifted me to standing, guiding me down the hall.
I leaned against him as we moved, feeling Ilyan’s bind slip off my mind, the last thin shield he had provided me with fading into nothing.
I cringed as the voice returned, and the sharp claws of my father dug back into my soul.
I expected it. I expected the madness. I expected the anger and the hatred.
But, for whatever reason, it didn’t come back, not as it was. It would never be like that again.
I wasn’t free, not yet, not even close.
However, Sain was right; it was a stepping stone, a brief reprieve and bolster for what was coming. I had recovered enough of myself that, while the road before me was nowhere near the simple path I would hope, it was a bit clearer.
The footing a bit more sure.
With this one piece of my heart, I would take back not only the blade, but my soul, as well.
Just as Sain had said.
WYN
Six
I could hear her laugh echo around me, the child like joy that had driven me mad so many years before, driven me to the point that I had willingly sacrificed my memories. I had sacrificed who I was to find an escape from that laugh, from the light-hearted joy that brought tears to my eyes.
Now, I was trapped with it.
Trapped in the stone hallways of a castle that had once been so treasured, trapped in the dream—the T?uha that I had shared with my mate for so long. It was no longer a T?uha, though. Now, it was only a nightmare.
Each night since Joclyn had healed me, since Talon had died, my dreams dragged me to this prison, to this empty shell of what once was. For days, I had been haunted by the childlike joy that tugged at my heart with painful barbs.
I almost wished I could have my old dreams back. Even though I had been forced to watch my daughter die every night, it had been almost easier to accept not knowing who she was. Now I knew, which made the pain that much more fresh.
This must be what purgatory felt like.
The laugh came again, more haunted than joyful as it bounced around the enclosed hallway of the dream in a ripple that met my ears and tensed down my spine. I froze in place as it moved over me, my heart racing with need for only a moment before I ran in desperation to escape the sound along with the memories of the daughter I so desired.
I ran until the only sound was the slap of my sneakers against the stone, the rhythmic thuds dull in my ears.
Chest heaving, I began to slow my pace, each breath burning through me as I forced it past my tense muscles. Past the painful vice that wound its way through my chest.
I hated the fear, hated that the once treasured place was now filled with anxiety of when the next laugh would come and if the little girl I both cherished and feared would be standing around the next corner. If she would be smiling, if she would be screaming.
Since Edmund had forced us to watch our daughter’s torture, witness her blood trailing down her arms, down her face, I hadn’t been able to escape it. Even after my memories were bound, it had continued to haunt me as I slept.
It was that image I saw when I thought of Rosaline, not of the smiling girl dancing through wildflowers and making jokes about crickets with top hats. It was the blood. What was worse, the horrific possibility of coming face to face with that imagery once again was too much for me.
My fingers ran over the cool stone as the air surrounding me cooled. Wind moved over me as though someone had turned on the air conditioner, the sudden change increasing the depth of the dream, making my breath catch.
Windows that had normally streamed ribbons of sunlight within the T?uha hung dull and dank, and a sheath of grey clouds covered the sky and left me wandering through the dim light of the burning sconces. It was as though the once shared mind knew someone was missing and was mourning it. Even the T?uha knew what had changed.
The laugh came again, so distanced it sounded like wind moving through the trees, so broken I wasn’t sure it was the laugh to begin with. I tensed, anyway, my muscles tightening painfully as my heart thundered against my chest, the chilled wind running through my hair.
I exhaled shakily, trying to release the fear and tension from my already pained body, and began to walk down the new hallway, only to freeze with the tap of my converse against the stone floor.