Cadan stared at the woman in front of him. It was Diana, but her eyes glowed with the fierceness and determination of Boudica. She vibrated with the rage that he only now realized had followed Boudica like a shadow. It had simmered beneath the surface, banked coals that waited. Waited for battle. Waited for vengeance.
“Why did you hide who you are?” she asked.
“I told you who I was. That I’d known you.”
“But you didn’t tell me who you were to me. I thought I could trust you. But you’re the one who betrayed me.”
“I couldn’t tell you.” The breath strangled in his throat.
“Why? So I wouldn’t figure out what you’d done to me?”
“What I’d done to you? All I did was try to protect you!”
“By locking me up on the eve of our final battle? I was fighting for my daughters. Their murderer was out there. After they were killed, that’s all I lived for. You would have kept me from that?” Her eyes glittered with angry tears. “I was your queen. It wasn’t your place to make that decision, especially when your reasoning was ridiculous.”
His skin grew tight at the memory. “We knew we were outmanned. If you were at the front you’d have been a fucking beacon. They’d have gone for you right away. You’d never have survived. As it was, you fought your battle. And died anyway.”
“By my choice. I knew that we were walking into possible slaughter, but it was the choice I made when I sent our warriors to their deaths. I was our symbol, our leader.” She pounded a fist on her chest. “It was my place to go with them. What would I be if I were too cowardly to lead from the front?”
“You should have let me go instead! I couldn’t lose you—I had to protect you.” A beast raged within him. Anger, hurt, confusion all fought to be the victor. How could she not understand this voracious need to protect her?
“That? That is supposed to make me feel better? That you wanted to protect me?” she shrieked. Her face suffused with color and she trembled with rage. “The reason you did it doesn’t make it right. It was my choice to risk my life in battle, my choice to die if that’s what it called for, my choice to fight for my daughters. You tried to steal that from me. You say you loved me, but you didn’t know me at all.”
“Of course I loved you. I’d have done anything to protect you.” The words were torn from his throat. He’d have done anything to keep from losing her.
“I didn’t want you to protect me. I wanted you to love me. That’s all.” She slashed the air with her hand. “I wanted, and still want, to be able to make my own decisions! And you weren’t trying to protect me—you were trying to protect yourself. You were too afraid to lose her!”
“That’s no’—”
She whirled and stalked from the room before he could finish.
It wasn’t true. That was ridiculous. Of course it was.
But something at the back of his mind wondered.
Chapter 25
Diana woke that evening feeling groggy and disoriented.
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
She turned her head toward the voice, blinking blindly at Esha, who stood next to the island counter that separated the kitchen from the living space. Her fluffy black cat sat next to her. Oh, right. After her confrontation with Cadan, which had been fueled by an unnatural rage that was still giving her a headache, Esha had aetherwalked them to her flat at the Immortal University. They’d arrived mere seconds after departing Mull in the early morning hours. The trip had sapped Diana’s adrenaline-fueled energy and she’d collapsed onto the couch with barely a word.
She yawned and stretched. “What time is it?”
“Nearly nine—p.m., that is. You’ve been asleep since we got here twelve hours ago.”
Diana sat up and rubbed her eyes. Most of the rage she’d felt the previous night was gone. Even the memories of her distant past had faded some. Though they would still be there if she called them up, she felt more like herself.
“Want coffee?” Esha gestured vaguely to the kitchen behind her. “I don’t usually have guests, so the pantry is a little bare, but I’m sure we can find something.”
“Yeah, that’d be great.” She stumbled over to the big kitchen island and settled onto a barstool.
Esha put the kettle on for instant coffee, then rooted around in the fridge for milk. Diana caught sight of a multitude of strange glass jars jumbled on the shelves.
“For charms,” Esha explained when she caught Diana’s curious gaze. “Though most of those ingredients are expired. Charms aren’t really my bag.”
“No?”
Esha shook her head. “A hobby, mostly, since my power allows me to manifest my desires without aids.”