Born to Endless Night (Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy, #9)

“I always thought there would be more time,” said Alec. “I thought Max would get older, and he’d train with us more, and I’d help him train. I thought he would come on missions with us, and I’d have his back, the way I always try to have Jace’s and Isabelle’s backs. He’d know his boring big brother was good for something then. He’d know he could count on me, no matter what. He should have been able to count on me.”


“He was able to count on you,” Magnus said. “I know that. He knew that. Nobody who has ever met you could doubt it.”

“He never even knew that I’m gay,” said Alec. “Or that I love you. I wish he could have met you.”

“I wish I could have met him,” said Magnus. “But he knew you. He loved you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do know that,” said Alec. “I just . . . I always wished I could be more for him.”

“You always try to be more, for everyone you love,” Magnus said. “You don’t see how your whole family turns to you, how they rely on you. I rely on you. Even Lily relies on you, for God’s sake. You love the people you love so much that you want to be an impossible ideal for them. You don’t realize that you are more than enough.”

Alec shrugged, a little helplessly.

“You asked me what I was scared of. I’m scared he won’t like me,” Alec said. “I’m scared I’ll let him down. But I want to try to be there for him. I want him. Do you?”

“I didn’t expect him,” said Magnus. “I didn’t expect anything like this to come, for me. Even if I thought sometimes about what it might be like if you and I did have a family, I thought it would not be for years. But yes. Yes, I want to try as well.”

Alec smiled, his smile so brilliant that Magnus realized how relieved he was, and realized belatedly how worried Alec had been that Magnus would say no.

“It is quick,” Alec admitted. “I thought about having a family, but I guess I always thought . . . Well, I guess I never expected anything like this to happen before we got married.”

“What?” said Magnus.

Alec just stared up at him. One long, strong archer’s hand was dangling into the baby’s crib, but Alec was intent on Magnus, his dark blue eyes darker than ever in the shadows, one look from Alec more important than a kiss from anyone else. Magnus saw he meant it.

“Alec,” he said. “My Alec. You have to know that’s impossible.”

Alec looked stunned and horror-struck. Magnus began to speak, the words tumbling out of his mouth faster and faster, trying to get Alec to see.

“Shadowhunters can marry Downworlders, in Downworlder or mundane ceremonies. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen other Shadowhunters dismiss those marriages as meaning nothing, and I’ve seen some Shadowhunters bow under pressure and break the vows they made. I know you would never bow or break. I know that type of marriage would mean just as much to you. I know that any promises you made me, you would keep. But I was alive before the Accords. I sat and ate and talked with Shadowhunters about peace between our people, and then those same Shadowhunters threw away the plates I ate off because they thought I irredeemably tainted whatever I touched. I will not have a ceremony that anyone looks down on as lesser. I do not want you to have any less than the ceremony you could have had, to honor your vows to a Shadowhunter. I have had enough of making compromises in the name of trying to make peace. I want the Law to change. I do not want to get married until we can get married in gold.”

Alec was quiet, his head bowed.

“Do you understand?” Magnus demanded, feeling almost desperate. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t love you.”

“I understand,” said Alec. He took a deep breath and looked up. “Changing the Law might take a while,” he said simply.

“It might,” said Magnus.

They were both quiet for a little while.