This wasn’t the man who made love to her for hours on end.
This was the feral warrior, Kere, and by the look on his face, it was obvious he wanted blood.
Her blood.
With a twist to his lips that was truly terrifying, he reached for her throat.
He’s going to kill you…
Just as she started to punch him to protect herself, he broke her slave’s collar in half. Her jaw went slack as he stepped away and angrily tore the collar into pieces, then tossed it into the trash can next to the tub.
“What are you doing?” she asked, confused by his actions.
Those blue eyes scorched her with his repressed insanity. “I spent too many years imprisoned here. I refuse to do that to someone else, especially you. I don’t want you to stay with me because you have no choice. I want you here because you want to be with me.” A tic worked furiously in his jaw. “I told Gera not to prep you anymore unless you requested it.”
His gaze dropped to her breast before his features softened to the teasing countenance she’d come to cherish most. “Although I did like the flavored body paint.”
She smiled at him. “As long as you’re the one who applies it and not some strange woman I’ve never met before, I have no objection to using it.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Gera’s having your clothes sent up, and she assured me that you would have things appropriate for public wear. You’re free to come and go as you please. Your apartment’s just as you left it. I’ve been paying the bills for it, and they’re all up to date. But I did have the door rekeyed for you as a safety precaution since I didn’t know who might have access to it. I left the new keys and a link for you on the table by your bed. The link’s yours to keep. I went ahead and programmed my number so that you can call if you get locked in here again, and I set Sorche’s as your first contact and Ture’s as your second.”
She didn’t miss the fact that he hadn’t set himself in as a contact. Was that a presumption that she didn’t want him there or did he not want to be listed?
“Lastly, there’s a transport in the hangar for you to use as you wish. It’s in your name, so don’t be afraid that someone will report it stolen if you take it. Or you can use a public transport. Your cards are with the keys and link if you need money.”
Unsure of his mood and the source of his sudden charity toward her, she stepped out of the shower and turned the water off. She reached for a towel, then wrapped it around her body. She moved to stand in front of him.
Zarya bit her lip in uncertainty. “Are we good?”
Darling ran the back of his hand along her jaw. There was a haunted shadow in his gaze that concerned her. “You want the truth?”
No. Not if it was bad.
But she wasn’t a coward either. “Always.”
His brows furrowed as that angry insanity flashed across his features. And as quickly as it flared, it settled down into a pained expression that showed how much anguish he still carried inside him. “You are my heaven… And you will always be my eternal hell.”
Those words stabbed her straight through the heart. “Darling—”
He put his finger over her lips to silence her. “When it’s just the two of us and we’re alone, I can forget what happened, and I’m better. Then just as I think I’m all right, it all comes barreling back and kicks me in the crotch again. I can hear you laughing out in the hallway when I needed you most. And honestly, it ravages me so deep inside that I feel like I’m going crazy from the anger and hurt. I feel so betrayed, Zarya. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, I know you didn’t know, but my feelings don’t have ears and they don’t listen to my head. No matter what I do, I can’t reason it away. It just hurts and I don’t know if it’ll ever stop.”
Those words brought tears to her eyes. God, if she could only go back and change what had happened…
Like Hauk had said… Nothing ruined a life faster than one bad decision.
Darling swallowed. “I would give everything I have, even my soul, to let it go. I would. But no matter how hard I try, Zarya, it just keeps coming. And it lights a fury so deep inside me that all I can think about is hurting you in retaliation. It’s so demanding that it scares me. And it takes everything I have to stop from lashing out at you. I can’t keep those feelings or memories from returning. But I am trying to. I am.”
Those words made her heart ache. For all of his confessed rage, he’d kept it bottled inside to the point that she’d never suspected he had any inclination except to be kind to her.
It said a lot about him that he hadn’t once said or done anything mean.
He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “What about you? Do you still hate me?”