“He’s not Caronese.”
“Neither are you. At least that’s what you’ve always told me.”
Ryn shifted his weight to his other leg as his throat drew tight over those words and the regret they gave him. There was no anger in Darling’s voice. Only a calm acceptance that cut him all the way to his blackened soul. He’d much rather deal with Darling’s anger that set fire to his own and made him feel vindicated.
This…
It ignited his guilt and that hurt most of all. Of all the people in his world, Darling was one of the last he’d ever intentionally hurt. There was a time when Darling had looked up at him and respected him.
A time when Ryn had respected himself.
But that was a long time ago and the one thing his harsh life had taught him was when it was too late to try. All he had now was a desire to be the brother Darling once thought he was.
He stared at the bandages that kept him from reading Darling’s features. That, too, reminded him of the worst night of his life.
If I could have only one thing…
It would be to have his little brother whole again.
Licking his suddenly dry lips, Ryn spoke from the deepest part of the heart he never gave to anyone. Ever. “You have no idea how many times in my life I’ve wished that I’d been the brother to you that you’ve always been to Lise and Drake. I know sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it. But I am so sorry for what I said and did.”
“You’ve nothing to apologize for.” The sincerity in Darling’s voice didn’t help his guilt at all. “I went for your throat and you went for mine. I started it and you finished it. That’s what we were taught to do.”
“Not against family. Dad taught us to protect each other. I should have never lost sight of that. Not even in my anger.”
“My mother was merciless to you, Ryn. Arturo even more so. I don’t blame you for not wanting to step back into that shit after you’d gotten away from it. For years, I hated you for abandoning us, but I get it now. You were just a kid, too. I was wrong to even ask you to take on Arturo. He’d have crushed you.”
Yeah, right. That bastard wouldn’t have stood a chance against him. And that wasn’t the reason why he’d declined.
That was something he’d never share with anyone. Not even his brother.
“I doubt that, Dar. But since I didn’t try, we’ll never know. I was selfish to deny you, and it was wrong. Like the rest of the family, I abandoned you when you needed me most.” He stepped closer to the bed. “But I swear to you that I won’t ever do it again.”
“Ryn—”
“Darling, it’s okay,” he said, interrupting him. “And before you say anything more out of guilt or remorse or whatever else you might feel… I… I apologize with full knowledge that you’re the one who turned me in to the League.”
Darling froze for several seconds as those words echoed in his ears. All these years, he’d felt so bad about having done that to Ryn. It’d been so wrong. So cold.
He’d always hated himself for it, and that one act had taught him well about striking out in anger. Especially against those he loved. Ryn had lost three years of his life for that.
What he’d done to Ryn had been every bit as bad, if not worse, than what Ryn had done to him.
“When did you find out?” he asked.
“While I was in prison. It’s why I didn’t speak to you for a couple of years after my release. I was afraid I’d kill you if I did. But like you said, I started it. You finished it. In time, I forgave you for it.”
How? Darling wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forgive Ryn had Ryn sent him to jail. “What I did to you was far worse than what you did to me.”
“No, it wasn’t, little brother. I was a trained assassin in a League prison. While it definitely wasn’t fun and I’ve no wish to repeat the experience, I wasn’t defenseless. Besides, I respect the venom. It was a brilliant payback, and I’d much rather you had done that than sicced Nykyrian on me. While I survived prison, I wouldn’t have survived his blade.”
“Still—”