“Think about it,” Maris said, really getting into the idea and all the possibilities that it would open. “We could. That way you’d have a woman and—”
“I’m not going to screw your wife for you, Mari. And I’m damn sure not going to drug her first.”
“Fine, you moral asshole,” he’d snapped in anger. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself for his duties. “I’ve had to sleep with women before. I can do this.” But when he looked back at Darling, he’d seen the shadow in his friend’s eyes of some unspoken emotion. “What?”
“I am not going to tell you how to live your life, Mari. The gods know I’ve fucked mine up so badly that I wake up every morning hoping it’s all been one really long nightmare. But I keep seeing this as that one second when they handcuffed my mother to drag her away. That one instant where I screwed myself forever. If only I could take it all back or stop myself before I did it. And I keep hearing my dad’s words in my head, the worst decisions of your life will always be those that are made out of fear.”
“What are you saying?”
Darling hesitated before he answered. “My moment of supreme stupidity only impacted me. I was the one who was hurt by it, and I saved two people when I did it. But I’m the only one who’s had to live with the lie and be bound by it. I just want you to think about the fact that when you walk down that aisle and tie your life to Tams, you will be forcing both of you to live with it. She wants a husband, Mari. One day, she’ll want kids and they will be expecting a military father to train them. Are you ready to force your lie onto all of them and you, forever?”
Maris had growled angrily at him. “I really hate you.”
Darling hadn’t reacted to his hostility. “I love you, Mari. I always have and always will. And I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t wish my current existence on anyone, especially not you. You’ve seen what everyone has done to me and how they’ve all treated me because they think I’m gay. In your position, I’d marry her and deal with it as best I could. But at the same time, I know exactly how you feel right now, and how hard it is to walk a lie every single day of your life. This is your moment in the hallway, Mari. This one decision, either way, will viciously impact the rest of your life, and you will have to live with the consequences of it. Neither option will be pleasant for you. You are screwed both ways. But whatever you choose, I will be here for you. And I will protect you any way I can.”
“But you won’t sleep with my wife for me, you worthless beast.”
“You know I can’t.”
Maris had sighed wearily as he debated what to do. “Would you sleep with me, then?”
“Maris…”
“I know, Dar. I know.”
Even all these years later, Maris could still remember that nauseated feeling inside him as he’d walked down the aisle with Darling by his side.
Not to get married, but to tell everyone present why he couldn’t.
And that memory was one he never wanted to revisit.
Coming back to the present, he looked at Zarya. “To this day, I owe Darling everything. His support never wavered. I know he would have been there for me had I married her. Instead, he was there when I told my entire family and every dignitary present that I was gay. That was the worst moment of my life.” He winced as he remembered their extremely unpleasant reactions. “My father even attacked him over it.”
“Why?”
“Brace yourself,” he said bitterly. “They thought it was all Darling’s fault. That he’d converted me. To quote my father, I would never have been gay had that filth not infected me.”
Zarya cringed as she saw the pain in Maris’s dark eyes. She couldn’t believe his family had thought such a thing.
“Would you believe my family even tried to sue him over it?”
She gaped. “What?”
He nodded grimly as he raised his right hand. “Swear to the gods.” He lowered his hand and looked away from her. “You know that scar Darling has on his thigh? The one shaped like a star?”
How could she forget? It was the one that had allowed her to identify him when he’d been in their custody. “Yes.”
“My eldest brother Kyr tried to castrate him on my wedding day. Luckily, Darling’s a better fighter than Kyr is.”
Her heart breaking for both of them, she pulled Maris into her arms and held him close. “I’m so sorry for what both of you went through.”
Maris squeezed her lightly. “It’s all right, though. Really. While the rest of my family refuses to speak my name, I have the best brother anyone could ever ask for. One who isn’t afraid to let me be myself. One who wouldn’t hesitate to die for me. In the end, I’m the luckiest bitch in the universe.”
He stepped back to smile down at her. “Well, second luckiest. Personally, I think you have the number one slot. Want to trade?”
She laughed. “I love you, Mari. I really do. You’re such a special gem.”