Her life would be forfeit once they found her.
Over and over, she saw images of her mother boasting about how no one would ever be able to defeat her—how she could take down any assassin who dared to look askance at her. That she was the strongest of warriors. But beneath that was the memory of her mother’s happy smile when Desideria had joined the Guard. There for one tiny moment, her mother had been proud of her.
And she’d failed her in the worst sort of way.
Her mother was dead.
This can’t be happening.
Her people were without leadership and she was wanted for her own mother’s murder. Her emotions were so tangled. She was angry, hurting and most of all there was a deep, dark hole inside her that felt like it would swallow her up until she lost herself completely.
Her life would never be the same.
If she lived…
The horror of it all washed over her in a tidal wave of pain. She couldn’t breathe as panic set in.
What am I going to do? How would she survive?
As if he understood her rising panic, Caillen pulled her against him and held her close. Normally, she’d shove him away for intruding on her personal space, but right now she appreciated the comfort.
No, she needed it. The sound of his heart under her cheek… the sensation of being cocooned by his warmth. He gave her strength even while her entire world was spinning out of control.
Glancing up, she saw the same look of grief-stricken shock on his face that she felt. “What happened?” he asked Fain.
“Your father was executed in his room. They found his body right after you’d left—when they’d gone in to tell him what had happened to you. I don’t know what their evidence against you is, but there’s a standing League contract out on both of youlives. And we are talking major bill-kill.”
She winced at a term that meant the bounty on their heads was so steep that most people would sell their own body parts for it.
Never had she felt more lost. How could she prove her innocence? No doubt her mother’s Guard would kill her the moment they saw her again. It would be expected.
Yes, she could demand a trial which would pit her in a death match against her aunt or her sister. But she had no doubt her mother’s killers would terminate her before she had a chance to clear her name. They wouldn’t allow her a chance to prove her innocence.
And even if she was found innocent, it wouldn’t change the outcome. As a Guard member on duty at the time of her mother’s death, she’d be held accountable. The only person who could pardon her would be the next queen.
Narcissa.
Yeah…
I’m so dead.
Caillen tightened his arms around her as he spoke to Fain. “Darling told me my father was all right when I spoke to him.”
Fain leaned back against the seat. “Darling didn’t want you to panic. According to him, your father had his throat slit and Princess Pain’s mother was left in little bloody chunks all over her bed.”
The bile rose in her throat at those unexpected cold, brutal words. A vivid image of her beautiful mother was blotted out by what he’d described.
It was more than she could take.
Before she could stop herself, she ran to the bathroom barely in time and lost what little contents she had in her stomach. Her spasms were violent and loud as her entire body shook.
Suddenly, Caillen moved in behind her while she was sick. Without a single word, he stayed with her until she was finished. Then he silently flushed.
Weak and spent, she wanted to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment. She was acting like a child, not the warrior she’d been trained to be. Worse, tears glistened in her eyes while she did her best to not give in to emotions she knew she shouldn’t have.
I won’t cry. I won’t.
Her mother would be disappointed in her if she did and the last thing she wanted was to shame her mother any more. But Caillen wasn’t looking at her like she was an embarrassment or weak. There was compassion and something that might even be respect. But now?
Caillen handed her a cool, damp towel. “Are you all right?”
She nodded. “I’m so sorry about that.”
“Don’t be. Believe me, your strength has impressed the hell out of me and that’s something that’s hard to do where I’m concerned.” He brushed a stray strand of her hair back from her forehead. The warmth of his hand on her skin sent a comforting chill through her.
His gaze was kind. His touch gentle. She wanted this moment to last until it drove out all the pain she felt.
Most of all, she wanted him.
That thought terrified her.
Yet, he’d been with her through all of this. Strong. Protective. Comforting. Dependable.
Everything a man should be. Things as a Qillaq she shouldn’t want. Things as a woman she needed.
She swallowed as she pushed those thoughts away. “Thank you.”