Gwen passed a pleased smile toward Caillen before she looked back at Desideria. “You’ll be able to take a consort now, My Queen.”
Yes, but inside she knew Caillen would never submit himself to her as a pet. It wasn’t in him and she loved him too much to even ask it.
You could fight him. He would win and be her equal.
But she knew better. She would never take the chance of hurting him and if she didn’t fight him with all her strength, the fight would be nullified by their laws.
All she wanted was to protect him. “If you stay here, Caillen, I can offer you political asylum.”
He stroked her cheek with his thumb before he dropped his hand away from he face. “Appreciate it, but the League and her assassins would always be after me to finish this. They’d be in your affairs and could hurt any one of you in the crossfire. I have to clear my name and make Karissa pay for killing both my fathers and uncle. I owe them that much.”
And once he did that, he’d be a ruler. Then they could never be together.
Her heart shattered with the cold reality.
“How are you going to do that?” Kara asked.
He shrugged with a nonchalance that made her want to beat him. “No idea whatsoever.”
Forever by the seat of his pants. Her smuggler would never change.
“When do we leave?” she asked him.
He looked over at Kara and Gwen. “You’re a queen, Desideria. Your place is here and your people need you. I finally understand that.”
She hated the fact that he was right. She had to stay.
He had to go.
Pain hit her so hard, it was crippling. But she was Qillaq and they didn’t show emotion. Especially not a broken heart. “I guess this is good-bye then.”
He nodded. “You can always call me when you need someone to yell at.”
“You’re not good at taking that abuse.”
“True, but I’ve learned to accept it from you.”
Her throat tightened at his teasing tone. She’d miss that most of all.
Don’t leave me, Caillen. Not here in this cold place with people who don’t know how to laugh.
How to love.
She couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing his smile every day. Of not listening to him banter with her and his friends.
I can’t make it without you.
Those words hung on her lips. She wanted so desperately to say them. To beg him to stay with her and not leave.
But she couldn’t. He belonged to a world she didn’t understand. One where he needed freedom and independence.
Him and that backpack…
“Take care of yourself, Caillen.” She was proud of herself for keeping the pain out of her voice.
“You too.” He took her hand in his and placed a tender kiss across her knuckles. But she wanted so much more from him than that…
Tears gathered to choke her as she savored the warmth of his hand on hers. The softness of those lips that had soothed and pleased her. She would never know that warmth again.
And when he let go of her, she felt her world shatter. The loss of his touch was more than she could bear.
Only the knowledge of Kara watching her… judging her, kept her from running after him and begging him to stay with her no matter the laws or the consequences.
She watched him leave with the others. He paused at the door to look back at her. She saw the agony in those dark eyes. The tangled emotions that said he wasn’t any happier about this than she was.
With one last gentle smile, he left her and the agony she felt inside was enough to drive her to her knees.
You could abdicate. The words hung on her tongue as she met Kara’s stern expression.
But that wasn’t what a Qillaq did either. Her mother would be so disappointed in her.
So would her father. As queen, she’d be able to pardon her father at long last. Salvage his name for their records.
I want Caillen.
But life wasn’t about wanting. It was about surviving and following your duty. When those things conflicted, obligation always won out.
Children followed their wants.
Duty commanded adults.
Funny, she’d spent her entire life wanting to be an adult and yet right now, in this moment, all she wanted was to be a kid again. To be able to follow her heart.
And the name of that heart was Caillen Dagan. Renegade. Smuggler. Pirate. Prince.
Hero.
Kara stepped forward. “So tell me, My Queen. What is your first command?”
With every step Caillen took that carried him farther away from Desideria, he felt a part of himself die.
Go back.
The call was so strong that it was almost impossible to resist. But he couldn’t. He had to avenge his fathers and make sure the bitch who’d killed them paid for her crimes. No matter what his heart wanted, he had other obligations that took precedence right now.
Besides, they didn’t belong together. Desideria was queen in a world that would never accept him and he was…
Outlaw. Scoundrel.
Worthless.
Your problem, Cai, is that you lack all ambition. Really, is this all you want out of your life? Yeah, Kasen’s voice rang out loud and clear in his head. “I don’t know how you can be content smuggling hand to mouth all the time.