Bonded by Blood

chapter NINETEEN

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND how one minute you can be in complete control and the next you feel as though you aren’t.”

She had a damn good point and Dom wished he had an answer. “Yes, I know. It’s like a switch. But one thing’s for sure, I won’t risk hurting you.”

“So you could just leave me again? Is that what you’re saying?” she asked.

“I may have to physically leave, but I won’t desert you. That was wrong of me.”

Hurt simmered in her eyes. She stood up to carry their plates to the sink but he grabbed her wrist and pushed a little of his energies to her. Her lashes fluttered for a moment. “As long as you’ll have me, you’ll never be alone. We may not be standing side-by-side, but you’ll always be here.” He placed her open palm on his chest and watched her face soften. “And I pray you’ll forever let me be here,” he said as he lay her small hand over her own heart and covered it with his.

He closed his eyes, concentrating on the gentle hum of her prana and the beat of her heart in rhythm with his. As long as she’ll have me. He hoped it’d be forever. Seconds, minutes, maybe hours ticked by as he held his hand over hers. Her warm energies swirled inside him and he pushed to her an equal amount of his. He felt as if he could soar off the highest peak and float to the heavens with her and wondered if she felt the same.

Her voice was soft when she finally spoke and looked down into his face. With her dewy eyes heavy with emotion, her full, slightly swollen lips, she was more beautiful to him than she had ever been before. “As far-fetched as all this is, this whole bizarre world of yours, it’s the missing piece of my life. It explains everything. So last night, as crazy as it may seem, I had a glimpse that maybe I did have a future.” He shivered when she ran a light fingertip along his temple, and pulled her onto his lap.

“Knowing why my family has experienced all these tragedies is very empowering. I couldn’t fight an unknown enemy, so I gave up and refused to think of my future no matter how much I wanted someone to…to love and love me back.” Her voice wavered. “But I can fight a known enemy and for the first time in my life, I felt there might be a future for me. One with you in it. That’s why when you left it hurt so much.”

He buried his face in her soft hair, letting it pool around him, and prayed Chuck had found some answers. And if he hadn’t, well, Dom would figure something out, because he couldn’t imagine life without her.

“I’m sorry. The thought of…of tasting you again that way is overwhelming. God knows I’ve wanted to.” He inhaled the natural fragrance in the fragile hollow of her neck. Oh, to taste her sweetness again. Maybe he—

No, he couldn’t.

Instead, he flicked his tongue against her skin and she melted in closer. It was clear to him she wanted him to do it almost as badly as he did. “I don’t know that I could ever try it without the fear I’d kill you. Wearing this cilice helps, but it’s certainly no guarantee.”

She pushed back and looked at him. “What are you talking about? A cilice?”

He lifted his wrist, indicating the leather band. “It’s a constant reminder to keep myself in check around you.” She looked confused. He’d have to show her. Would she freak out when she saw it? It was bound to look messed up.

Resting his elbow on the table, he carefully unbuckled the clasp and eased the strap away from his wrist. One by one, like the teeth of a zipper, a few of the steel studs released their hold. She gasped when a tiny trickle of blood dripped from a puncture hole in the tender skin of his inner wrist.

“What the hell are you doing to yourself?” Before he knew it, she’d touched a finger to his blood and put it to her lips. Instantly, the vibration in his head got stronger.

“Oh my— That is— Wow.” She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. When she opened her eyes, the golden highlights in her green irises seemed to have deepened in color. “My God, Dom. I thought it was just a leather band you wore. But it’s cutting you. Why?”

“It’s nothing. Really. The small amount of constant pain deflects my focus if things should get out of hand with you. I seem to do better at controlling my urges when I have it on. When I don’t—well, that’s what happened last night. Last night I was out of control.”

“You’ve got to take it off. I don’t want you to hurt yourself to be with me. I had no idea. It looks so painful.” Her fingertips were like the brush of a feather against the torn skin and she kissed his palm. With her lips just inches from his blood, he pulled his hand away, but he couldn’t help wondering what it’d be like if she had more.

“Trust me, I’m fine.” It hurt like a mother, but hell if he’d admit it.

“I hate that I’m so hard for you and your people to be around. Please, Dom. Take it off.” Her fingers raked at her hair, taking several tries to get it behind her ear. She was shaken at the sight of his mangled skin.

“It takes the edge off. I’m like a pitbull with a barbed collar—manageable until the thing comes off. I’ll remove it…for now.” As he pulled the strap away from his skin, he sucked in a hiss of air through his teeth. Blood had dried around each spike and now acted like glue. Plastering on a fake smile, he ripped it off in one single movement. Dios mio.

Her face screwed up in knots and she jumped as she sensed his pain. Great. Now she was going to be acutely aware of the thing when he put it on again. He tossed it onto the table and, gripping her shoulders, he turned her away so she couldn’t see it, but he couldn’t sway her that easily.

“You’re hurting. Don’t give me that look. All this prana and mind-reading business isn’t one-sided, you know. I can feel how it hurts you almost as if I had it on myself. Let me get some salve and bandage it up. Shirl’s got to have a first-aid kit around her somewhere.”

“Not necessary. I heal fast. It’s feeling better already.”

She gave him a lopsided scowl and climbed off his lap. Nope, she wasn’t buying it. He heard her rummaging through the bathroom drawers, and a few minutes later she returned with a tube of ointment and a box of bandages.

“You may heal faster than I would, but I still know a nasty wound when I see one. You’re not putting that damn thing on again. Gimme your hand.”

Too bad. As long as she was around him, the device wouldn’t be far away.

He watched as she squeezed a small amount of ointment onto her pinkie finger. Cradling his forearm gently in her hands, she seemed to be examining the wounds for an extraordinarily long length of time. In his head he felt the beating of her heart increase its tempo and he ground his teeth together. No, he couldn’t let her go there. Making love to her was one thing, but if she took any more of his blood, he knew his willpower would be gone. Shredded. Zilch. Cilice or no cilice. Like committed couples who shared blood, his body would need that from her. It wasn’t a one-sided thing. If she fed directly from him, he would need to feed directly from her. But that would have disastrous results. He pulled away.

She scowled and grabbed his hand again. “Hold still, will you?” Then she gently touched her finger to each puncture wound.

“You were saying something about biting and making love. What do you mean? Is biting like a sexual thing?”

“Sometimes. Blood sharing is a common practice when we make love. Not necessarily when having sex just for the hell of it, but when there’s a deep emotional connection between committed couples, some feel the urge to share blood. Or so I’m told.”

She applied the last bandage and his eyes met hers. Yes, she felt the same urge. The urge to share blood. She wanted his, too.

“Committed couples? Have you ever shared blood with anyone?”

“No. Never had the desire till now and I’ve, uh…” He coughed. How could he word it so she didn’t think he was some easy man-whore? Hell, most unmated vampires were. Who was he fooling? He was no different. Before he’d met her, there weren’t many weeks that passed without several hook-ups. Casual sex to the extent his kind engaged in wasn’t as accepted a practice among humans. But it was a healthier, more acceptable way to deal with their aggressive natures. “I’ve had lots of experiences and… Well, it’s just never happened to me before. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“And it’s not something related to my being Sangre Dulce?”

“The bloodlust—yes. But the emotional connection, the need to drink from you—no. And you know your desire for me to take more of your blood?” He waited for her to nod her head. “I’ve got the same feeling, too. Like a drumbeat in my head. I want you to have some of mine again.” He’d hardly realized that was what the need had been, but seeing her taste the drop of his blood clarified what he hadn’t been able to define.

She was quiet. He’d have to tell her it was against Council rules to share with a human. Unless they had gone through the mating ritual.

“Mackenzie…I—” His lips went suddenly dry. “Given my family history, I freaked out.”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Why the hell had he even brought it up? Things had been going along perfectly fine without mentioning that. Just thinking about it made him feel sick. But there was something about the strength behind her eyes that made him want to tell her things he’d never felt comfortable sharing before. He wasn’t sure he could get the words out.

Running his fingers through his hair, he got up and walked to the window. The sun had dipped behind the distant horizon of the peninsula and washed the sky in enchanting shades of pinks and oranges. His heart banged against his ribs and when he felt an unfamiliar welling of emotion, he realized he was looking at the sunset as Mackenzie would.

“Is it dark enough for you to comfortably go outside?” she asked, as she gathered the dishes from the table. “Want to take a walk? I promise not to push you in. I might even let you give me a piggyback ride.”

The fresh air sounded good. He needed to clear his head. “Sure. But you couldn’t push me in even if you wanted to.”

“We’ll see.”

Her concern for his comfort outside suddenly registered. Could she even fathom what she did to him? That a simple thought or word from her was all it took for him to grovel at her feet? How just watching her made him forget an outside world even existed?

“Love those boots,” he said, as he watched her pull on the bright red galoshes he’d seen her wear earlier. If they weren’t obviously an adult size, he’d have sworn they belonged to a seven-year-old.

“Next time, I’ll have to bring my own. You’ll love them. They’re pink Hello Kitty ones.”