The pointed reference to her unique blood and who she was made her feel suddenly very cold, and she wrapped her arms around herself.
"The thing is Leto, I'm just not sure what my purpose is. I mean I read Brigid's journal but I just don't know what it is that I am supposed to do." She wrung her hands in frustration. "I am not part of a coven, no one even knows who I am."
Patience, Victoria. Our destinies are not always known to us but still we must prepare for them.
"And is that what I'm doing? Preparing? Preparing for what?"
For who you are.
"But what does that mean, Leto? Who am I? Please don't tell me I'm someone like Brigid!"
You cannot change who you are, Victoria. But you can decide who you become. If that is similar to Brigid's path or someone else's, then that is your choice.
Victoria raked her hands through her hair. She knew that Leto was right, but she wanted someone to come out and tell her what she was supposed to be doing.
She had never spoken to another witch except for the one that had tried to kill her up at the mountain. How was she supposed to find others like herself? Christian had said that the Vampire Council was negotiating with the witch clans in Europe, which meant that covens had to exist there and here as well. She would ask Christian if he could find out anything further for her about the witch clans. Perhaps he would even allow her to accompany him on his next trip.
Aside from her loneliness, she worried almost constantly about how to control the blood magic. It only became ravenous when she engaged it, the day-to-day spells and incantations she practiced barely touching on the limits of her personal power. She rarely took off the amulet whose absence had caused her blood to go crazy when she'd killed the witch. She felt stronger knowing that she didn't have to give in to its blood lust as readily as she did without it.
Victoria knew what she had to do but was deathly afraid to do it—she needed to put herself into a situation where she had to actually use the blood magic, to get it into a frenzy so that she could have the opportunity to control it and learn to harness its deadly potency. Brigid's words resounded like a mantra in her head, the price of the blood was hers to set, hers to set.
And there was only one person who was strong enough that she could ask for help creating such a scenario.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" CHRISTIAN said furiously. She could see the muscle ticking in his clenched jaw. Victoria had just finished explaining her plan to him.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared at her, irate. What she was suggesting was completely absurd, she could be hurt or worse, killed.
"Christian, please," she said. "I need to do this."
"Not this way."
"Christian, this is the only way!" As he shook his head, turning away, she continued fiercely. "Don't make me find someone else. I'm sure Lucian would be amenable."
Christian whirled back around, his silver eyes flashing fire. "Don't you ever say that! Don't you know what Lucian is? He is a merciless killer!"
"Yes."
Christian swore under his breath. He was caught between a rock and a hard place because on the one hand, he knew that Victoria was right to try to tame the manic desires of her blood, her birthright, but by having him attack her, he felt that he was tempting fate. He wasn't even sure that he could control himself if things got too out of hand. The siren call of her blood was still far too sweet. On the other hand, he really didn't want her running off trying to provoke someone else, like Lucian, who could really hurt her or worse. "Damn it!" he said.
"Does that mean you'll help me?" she asked. Victoria knew that what she was proposing could put them both in a lot of danger. Something could always go wrong, no matter the preparation or precautions. Christian held Victoria's shoulders, noting the defiant resolve in her eyes, and sighed.
"Victoria, you cannot possibly know what you are asking."
"I'm sorry, Christian. I just don't know what else to do, and this seemed like the best way. I need you. You're the only one I can trust."
"So when do you want to do this?"
"Now," she said, waving her hand toward the glass doors leading into the garden. The sky was overcast and it was warmer than it had been during the last couple months, a balmy thirty degrees, not that that really mattered to either of them. Christian blanched.
"It's not that simple, Tori. I need to feed first," he said.
"Fine, go ahead and I'll catch up," she said, the words rushing out.