6
THERE WAS LIGHT STREAMING IN THROUGH THE WINDOW when I woke. I sat bolt upright in the bed, but felt a firm hand on my shoulder.
“No, Jill. Lay back.”
I blinked and the world became less blurry. Declan was beside me. A quick scan of the motel room showed we were alone.
“What—?” I touched under my eyes.
“It stopped. The blood stopped right after you passed out. Are you in any pain right now?”
I felt achy, like I’d run a marathon, but there was no intense pain like I’d felt before. “No, I—did that really happen?”
“I’m afraid so.” His expression was stony, cool, and collected, but his hands were warm as he stroked the hair off my forehead. I settled back down on the pillow. “I was worried about you.”
“You don’t look worried.”
His gaze moved to my face and there was again that frustrating flatness to his gray eye thanks to the serum. “My emotions were all f*cked up last night, but I’m back to normal now. But don’t think for a moment that I wasn’t worried. That I’m not worried now.”
“The Nightshade,” I said, my voice shaky. “It’s killing me, Declan.”
There was a flicker of something this time in that single eye of his. He knew I spoke the truth. “There’s no reason to believe it’s that serious.”
My throat felt thick and the fear I’d felt before came flooding back. “It felt pretty f*cking serious to me. I was bleeding out of my eyes.”
“It stopped.”
“So what happens next?” My voice caught.
“I don’t know.”
I laughed a little and it sounded slightly hysterical. “Well, at least you’re honest.”
He brushed away a tear sliding down my cheek with his thumb. The color of it was clear, not dark red, which was a relief. “I’ll never be anything but honest with you, Jill.”
“Thank you.” I felt guilty for holding information back from him, like who his father really was, but it still didn’t feel like the right time.
He stood up from the side of the bed and walked toward the window to look outside. “Matthias isn’t here anymore. Your blood was too much for him to handle. I guess when it’s inside of you he can find a way to control himself. When it’s not, he needs to be controlled. For his own good.”
I glanced around the room again, this time registering uneasily that several things were askew and there was another deep splintered dent in the wall near the door as if a body had been slammed into it. The lamp was on the floor, broken, as was the television, its screen cracked.
“Looks like there was a fight in here.”
“It was over quickly. The vampire was weakened, so I handled him easily.” At my look of shock, he continued, “I didn’t stake him, even though I was tempted. He seemed as worried about whether you’d live as he was thirsty for your blood.”
I grimaced. “I don’t suppose there’s a Hallmark card for that, is there?”
“I’ve contacted Noah.” Declan pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen before putting it away again. “He needs to step up his game and find out more about the Nightshade formula and what the hell we can do to fix this.”
“You really think he can get that information?”
“I hope so.”
“Me, too.” The achiness was fading away, so I sat up again. “I think I’m okay, at least for now. I feel much better.”
“Good. I got you some breakfast in case you were hungry when you woke up.” He sat down at the small table in the corner of the room and pulled a large muffin wrapped in cellophane and a small bottle of orange juice out of a brown paper bag.
“Haute cuisine.” I got up from the bed, testing my legs. Declan looked ready to come to help me the moment I showed any signs of needing him, but he stayed where he was. “Thank you.”
His attention didn’t leave me for a moment as I made my way over to the table. I was dressed, but the sweater and jeans I’d been wearing last night had been replaced by a large black T-shirt—one of his. I looked down at myself.
“You cleaned me up?”
“I couldn’t let you lay there covered in blood.”
I had to smile. “So romantic.”
He looked vaguely uncomfortable with the comment. “Eat something. You need your strength.”
“What would I do without you, Declan?”
His lips thinned. “Likely you would have lived a long and healthy life.”
“What’s the fun in that?” I was trying to make a joke to help push away the anxiety I felt, but knew I was failing miserably. “Maybe I should inject the fuser potion Matthias brought me last night right away.”
“I think we should wait. The fuser itself is too hard on your system to use it after one incident. We’ll use it only for emergencies.”
“That felt like an emergency.”
“But it passed, and it was different from the original symptoms you had from the Nightshade.”
Right. That was pain, nausea, and vomiting up a nasty black inky substance.
Will the fun ever end?
Sure it would. With my impending death.
A distraction would be a good thing. Luckily, there were plenty to choose from. “If Matthias couldn’t even hold his own against you, what chance does he have against an indestructible immortal vampire like his brother?”
“He has no chance.”
“There you go again with the brutal honesty.” I unwrapped the muffin and began to pick at it. I was hungry, but my stomach felt unsettled. “We can’t just sit by and let Kristoff start working on his new world order like a Hitler with fangs.”
“No, we can’t.”
It felt too big to me to wrap my head around, especially since I’d never met Kristoff before. All I had to go by was Matthias’s opinion of his brother, but that was enough to make me terrified of him.
But how could he be stopped if Matthias was in such bad shape?
Suddenly something occurred to me. “What if Kristoff bites me?”
“What?”
I touched the fang marks on my neck from the blond vampire from last night. “What if he bites me and my blood strips away his immortality like it did to Matthias? Then he could be killed.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“But—”
“No, Jill.” Although Declan looked emotionless, there was command in his voice. “Put it out of your mind. It’s a stupid idea.”
I felt his words like a slap. “It’s not a stupid idea. It could work.”
He exhaled. “Okay, maybe not stupid. But you’re being naïve. There’s already a rumor about a woman with poisoned blood. He’ll know it’s you. If Matthias can usually control himself around you, then so can Kristoff. If the Nightshade was given to a number of humans, then maybe there’d be a better chance. But there’s only one of you, and I won’t let you put yourself in that kind of danger.” I opened my mouth to say something but he held up his hand. “The discussion is over, Jill.”
I wanted to argue with him. One of the reasons I’d had a hard time keeping a job back in my regular life was that I was allegedly “difficult to manage.” I liked to do my own thing even if it didn’t follow the rules to the letter. This didn’t go over well with management—any management. I guess I just had a very specific way of thinking that didn’t jive with most other people. When I got an idea into my head, it was nearly impossible for me to ignore it. Even if it was a shitty idea.
This wasn’t a shitty idea, but I did get why Declan had a problem with it. He didn’t want me to get hurt. He didn’t want me to put myself in harm’s way. It was what he fought against on a daily basis. He tried to protect me, even from myself. He even refused to teach me how to use a gun even though I’d asked him several times. His theory was if I stayed out of trouble, I wouldn’t need one. It was one of the many things we disagreed about.
I inhaled deeply. “I’m not that naïve.”
“Sometimes you can be when it comes to shit like this, Jill. And that extends to your dealings with Matthias, as well.”
My jaw tightened. “Which means what?”
His knuckles grew whiter on the edge of the table he currently gripped. “He’s not a noble knight on a quest to save humanity. He’s a vampire who drinks blood and lived a selfish life of luxury, using the fear of his subjects to keep them in line, at least until that luxurious existence of his was taken away.”
My mouth felt dry and sour so I took a swig of the sweet orange juice. “I know all of that. But I honestly don’t think he’d hurt Sara. He might be a bastard when it comes to a lot of things, but I honestly think he’s”—I hissed out a breath as I tried to think of the right word—“sincere when it comes to his daughter.”
“He would have sank his fangs into you last night if I hadn’t stopped him. And if he was right about his lacking immortality, your blood would have killed him. He still couldn’t resist it. That worries me about his impulse control.”
My grip tightened on the bottle. “And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“You said my blood . . .” I hesitated. “Last night when you—when you lost control. I’m worried that could happen again.”
He stood up from the table so fast that I jumped. “Last night my mind was elsewhere. But I can control myself when my head’s in the game. Your blood is distracting to me, but it’s not torture being around you because thankfully I’m not a full vampire. For Matthias, I believe it is.”
“Quite a compliment,” I said dryly. “I’m torture to be around.”
“If Anderson had lived to see Nightshade in action, I’m sure he would have been proud to see how successful it is.”
I shivered at the memory of my bloody tears. “Matthias really couldn’t stop himself?”
“That’s right.”
I thought it through. “So if we use my blood to get to Kristoff, I’ll have to cut myself first. Make sure I’m bleeding. Then, just like Matthias, he’d have a harder time controlling himself.”
Declan looked at me directly. “I advise you to let this subject drop, Jillian.”
I bit my bottom lip. “Uh-oh. Full-name usage. Somebody’s not happy with me right now.” My gaze moved from him to something laying on the table next to us. It was a file folder. “What’s that?”
He put his scarred hand on top of it. “Some research I’ve been doing.”
“On what?”
“Dhampyrs.”
“What about dhampyrs?”
He eyed me. “Sometimes I forget how many questions you ask.”
Despite everything, I almost grinned. “If you want answers, you have to ask questions.”
He flipped the folder open and inside I saw printouts, photos, handwritten notes, and other typed documentation. “I’ve been looking into other dhampyrs that have existed in the area, trying to understand more about what I am. Carson never wanted me to learn about this. But the events of the past couple of weeks, his association with Dr. Gray all of these years, and everything he kept from me, have made me question a lot about what he always told me and what he made me do.”
“Like the original serum.”
“Yeah.” He paced to the other side of the room and back, his arms crossed over his chest. “When I went off it I felt fine, other than having to suddenly deal with my f*cked up emotions. So I thought he was wrong about everything he’d ever told me. He made me believe that without the serum I’d eventually become just like the monster dhamps.”
My chest tightened. I wasn’t sure I liked where this conversation was headed. It reminded me too much of the one I’d had last night with Matthias on this very subject.
Declan’s emotionless face was like stone as he looked down at the research he’d gathered. He said nothing for so long that I reached out and touched his hand.
“Declan . . . what’s wrong?”
He blinked. “I don’t want to be a monster, Jill.”
He said it flatly, but there was pain in his expression. “You’re not.”
He shook his head. “I’ve killed a lot of vampires in my life and I’ve done so without any guilt because I hate them. But . . . but last night . . .”
“You didn’t hurt me.”
“I wanted to. For a second, I wanted to. And that’s not acceptable to me.”
“It’s the new serum that caused that,” I said firmly. “It’s a shitty side effect, and with Noah’s help we’re going to find a way to get it out of your system completely. It’s simple.”
“You’re right, it is simple, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.”
“Then what?”
He glanced at the damage he’d done to the bed last night before looking at me. “My father was right about everything.”
I shook my head, panic rising inside me again. “No, he was only saying those things to keep you in line.”
“He was saying those things because they were the truth. I didn’t want to believe it, but it’s the truth. And the research I’ve been doing the last week has led me to that conclusion.”
“Research,” I repeated, glancing at the thick file folder. “Is that where you head off to all alone?”
“Yes.”
“And that’s the reason we’re in Los Angeles right now?”
“I had a few things I needed to check here.”
So much for him not keeping secrets from me. But I didn’t hold it against him. Sometimes you had to handle personal matters personally. And this was about as personal as it got. But now that it was out in the open ...
I grabbed the file folder and looked at some of the pages. Each one seemed to be a case study with a name at the top and a date. Two dates. The birth date and the date of death for whomever was mentioned.
My hands felt cold as I flipped through the papers. “And what did all of this tell you?”
He scrubbed a hand over his scalp and came to stand next to me, looking down at the papers. “It tells me that my father was right. A dhampyr born with the human side dominant will become more violent the older they get. In fact, there are very few dhampyrs who live beyond three decades.”
My gut churned. “Why? Do they get sick?”
He shook his head. “Nearly every case I’ve found, the dhampyr has been killed. Usually in self-defense. I only found one other than me that’s still alive and in the area. The rest are dead.” His face had paled and the scars on his left cheekbone looked like shiny streaks. “Look for yourself at my notes. They’re murderers, rapists, child molesters. At a certain point, even if they are on medication like I was, it stops working. The proof is right there.”
“You’re different,” I said without hesitation, although my heart was sinking. This is exactly what Matthias had told me. I hadn’t wanted to believe it then, either.
“When I was on the regular serum, I was different, because that side of me was repressed. But the new serum can’t control the monster that’s waking up inside of me. There’s no going back.”
My eyes burned. I closed the folder and stood up. “I don’t accept that.”
He snorted. “You don’t?”
“No.”
“Just like that.”
“That’s right. Let me tell you something, Declan. I know you. Sure it’s only been a couple of weeks and those weeks haven’t exactly been a joy ride, but you’re a good man. You’re one of the best—if not the best—men I’ve ever known in my entire life.”
He shook his head. “Jill—”
“No, you have to listen to me. This”—I pointed at the folder—“means nothing. You’re different. You’re better than this.”
He looked at the folder, his expression bleak. “How can I be different or better when the proof is right there in front of us?”
“You can be different because anything else is unacceptable.”
His gaze snapped back to me. “So whatever you say goes, is that how you want to play this?”
“Pretty much.”
“And last night . . .”
“Last night was a little glitch.”
“I wouldn’t use the word glitch to describe what happened. I could have hurt you—I could have killed you.”
“But you didn’t. And I’m still here. I’m not running away because I believe in you. Everything’s going to be okay.”
I meant it, too. I’d never been a major optimist in my life, but one of us had to be. I had to find out what Matthias knew, how to fix this and make it so Declan could be different from the others. But I didn’t understand—if there was a way, why wasn’t it common knowledge to prevent disasters like the ones in the folder?
His expression tightened. “It might be a good idea if I left. Sorted through this on my own.”
The panic I felt deepened. “No. That’s a seriously bad idea.”
“You’ll be better off without me, Jill. And if you’re not going to leave, maybe I should.”
“No, Declan. Please—” My voice cracked. “Say you won’t leave me. Say you’ll stay with me no matter what.”
He was silent for a long moment, studying my face. “Why do you want me to stay?”
“Because I—” I swallowed hard. “I need you. I think I’d be lost without you.”
“I get the feeling that Matthias would be happy to help you find yourself if you let him.”
I glared at him. “F*ck Matthias. Seriously.”
That earned a full, deep laugh from him. “I think he’d like that, actually. Just try not to bleed around him.”
I was surprised how emotional I was getting over this. I prided myself on being fairly tough, considering everything that had happened. I might not have Declan’s muscles, but I was a survivor. I did what I had to do. But this had thrown me. It hadn’t occurred to me—even after the close call with Declan’s violent side last night—that he’d suggest leaving me. “Say it, Declan. Please. Say you’re not going to go anywhere.”
His Adam’s apple shifted as he swallowed hard and stared at me for a long moment. “Fine. I’m not going anywhere.”
I inhaled. “Promise me.”
“I promise.” He shook his head and a humorless smile played at his lips. “I’m all yours, come what may.”
I grinned shakily. “You and me till the end.”
“Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.” He drew closer to me, took my face between his hands, and looked deeply into my eyes. “You scared the shit out of me last night.”
“Bleeding from my eyeballs isn’t a very good sign, is it?”
“No, it sure the f*ck isn’t.”
I wanted to touch him so badly, but I kept my hands at my sides. While I didn’t want to believe what he’d said—that being a dhampyr went hand in hand with what happened between us—I didn’t want to play with fire. I didn’t think the motel could take any more damage.
I frowned. “Did you say that one of the dhampyrs you found is still alive?”
“Yeah. It’s a female, too. She’s in her early thirties. An impressive age, given what I’ve recently learned.”
“Show me.”
He went to the file folder and sifted through the papers for a moment before he pulled one out. “The source I was talking to said she’s being kept at a vampire-run amusement park not too far from here.”
“Being kept?”
“As a prisoner.”
I drew in a breath. “How can you say that so calmly?”
“Which part? The dhampyr being kept against her will or the fact that there’s an amusement park run by vampires?”
“The first part. Although the second is equally as disturbing.” I looked at the handwritten piece of paper. Declan’s penmanship left a lot to be desired. Attached to the location and name, which was Jade Connolly, was a picture. “This is her?”
“According to my source.”
She was pretty, with freckles on her nose, and long flowing red hair. She didn’t look like much more than a teenager in this picture, so I figured it was probably taken at least ten years ago.
I chewed my bottom lip as I stared at the picture. “Wouldn’t she be in danger from the Amarantos Society? She’s female.”
“From what I’ve heard, the dhampyr must be less than two years old in order for the immortality ritual to work properly. Unlike Sara, she’s in no danger from them.”
I almost jumped right out of my skin when there was a sharp knock at the door. Declan pushed me behind him before he moved toward it, glancing out from the curtained window before opening the door.
“How did you know we were here?”
“Hey, Dec.” It was Noah’s familiar voice. “Great to see you, too. Lovely day today, isn’t it? Matthias told me where you two lovebirds were holed up.”
Declan opened the door wider so I could see Noah standing there wearing jeans and a tan T-shirt under a leather jacket.
“Jill!” He was smiling. “You look—well, uh, you look pretty good all things considered.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly. “I feel like a million bucks.”
He stepped into the room and glanced around at the damage and bloodstains. “Is this one of those theme motels ? Like this is the death and carnage room?”
I grimaced. “Not exactly.”
“Then I’m hoping you didn’t pay with a credit card because they are so going to charge the shit out of you if you did.”
I tried to keep my hope at seeing him from rising too much. “Have you found out anything about the Nightshade since last night? About Declan’s serum?”
His cheery expression faded. “I’ve been trying. Really. But I’m not having much luck. I’m sorry, Jill. It’s just that the parachemist who developed it didn’t keep any notes other than those in his head, which, of course, Declan put a bullet through. I downloaded the computer files and some email exchanges between him and Carson before I left the compound, but there’s nothing that I’m finding very helpful.”
I felt a fresh well of disappointment flow through me, but I couldn’t say I was surprised. “And what about Declan’s serum?”
“Same people developed it as his original dhampyr serum. Nothing nefarious there.”
“Forget about the serum,” Declan said. “Jill had an issue last night that’s very serious.”
“I know.” Noah grimaced and shot me a pitying look. “Matthias already told me about it. Bleeding eyeballs are not a good sign, like, ever. Looking into removing the Nightshade is a lost cause. It’s too late for that.”
“So what I do I do?” I asked. “Just give up?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about this pretty much nonstop for the last week. I’ve decided the fusing potion is the best bet for your continuing survival. It’s what Dr. Gray said before the monster dhamp ate her.” He cringed and glanced at Declan, but he didn’t react at all to the mention of his birth mother’s violent demise. “I think if Jill takes a shot of it every two weeks like clockwork, it’ll keep things steady. I brought another vial of the fuser for you to keep in reserve.” He pulled it out of his pocket and placed it on the table. “Ta-da.”
I eyed it. So that was my Plan A. I’d been hoping for a nice and easy Plan B, but that hadn’t happened. Instead I’d met face-first with a brick wall. “I guess that’s that then.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help.”
I shook my head and reached out to touch his arm. “I hoped for a miracle, but didn’t really expect it. This will have to do.”
I didn’t let on how I really felt. That he was wrong, that Dr. Gray was wrong, and that the fuser wouldn’t make much of a difference in the long run. My days were numbered. I didn’t know how I knew it for sure, but I did. This was only duct tape to bind together a rusty car that was steadily falling apart. A human couldn’t survive long with poisonous blood flowing through their veins. I was already living on borrowed time.
Noah looked at Declan. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you want to rip my head off.”
Declan snorted humorlessly. “I’ll try not to kill the messenger.”
“This messenger appreciates it.”
Declan’s eyes narrowed. “Didn’t realize how friendly you and Matthias were.”
Noah laughed nervously. “We’re not.”
“Friendlier than I thought,” Declan said pointedly, and Noah flinched.
Noah had been working as Matthias’s informant long before Declan knew anything about it. The news had not gone over very well. Declan had trusted Noah since he’d come onboard Carson’s research project and they’d forged a bit of a friendship. Declan didn’t trust easily—about as easily as I did—and when that trust was shattered, it was difficult to piece it together again.
“He’s dying, you know,” Noah said.
Declan’s flat expression didn’t change. “Can’t honestly say I’m too upset about that.”
“I know you don’t like the guy, but think about it, Dec. If Matthias bites it, then who’s going to stop Kristoff when he’s awakened?”
“I will.”
I looked at Declan. He hadn’t mentioned this to me before and I didn’t like the sound of it. “You’re going to stop an immortal, indestructible vampire.”
“Matthias did nearly thirty years ago. Even if he can’t be killed by normal means, I can find a way to lock him away again, and this time I’ll throw away the key.”
“Why don’t you just get him to bite Jill and then—” Noah began, but then stopped talking when he saw the unpleasant look on Declan’s face. “Oh, I see. You’ve already had this discussion, haven’t you?”
We’d had the discussion, all right. The one where Declan refused to let me even think about putting my neck on the line. And yet, here he was willing to do the exact same thing.
“How long do you think Matthias has?” My voice was tight. “He seemed to think it was only days. And he didn’t look so good.”
Noah shrugged. “No idea. Nightshade’s supposed to kill vamps right away, not give them a terminal illness.”
I walked over to the table, glancing at the file folder with all of Declan’s research in it. “Noah, what do you know about dhampyrs other than Declan?”
“A little. Not much. They’re rare. Like, really rare. And most of them are big, black-eyed monsters without the charming personality Dec has.”
If he was trying to break the icy feel in the room with some humor, he was failing miserably.
Declan moved toward me and grabbed the folder off the table. “I found another dhampyr nearby. A thirty-two-year-old female.”
“A female?” Noah brightened. “For real? Talk about a needle in a haystack.”
Declan glanced down at his notes. “The older the dhampyr is, the more unpredictable their violent natures become.”
“You’re worried about that?” Noah asked.
“The new serum isn’t working properly. There have been issues.” He didn’t look at me. “And I need to figure out a way to deal with them. And more serum isn’t the solution. I thought doing some research on others who’ve existed might help, but I haven’t found anything that I could use.” There was an edge of defeat to his voice that worried me.
No, he hadn’t found anything helpful. All he’d gathered was a pile of notes. Research material was great at giving an overview of a subject, but to really understand what was going on, he’d need to talk to one of the dhampyrs face-to-face.
I stood up from the table. “If Jade’s really being held prisoner at that vampire amusement park we need to rescue her. She could help us understand what’s happening to you.”
“You want to rescue her?”
“I’m surprised you don’t. If we talk to her, question her, she could help you figure out what to expect. Maybe she’s different from the others, which is why she’s still alive.” Suddenly it sounded like the best idea I’d had in a very long time. “Besides, no one should be kept anywhere against their will. Your informant said she was a prisoner there. Why would they be keeping her?”
“An adult female dhampyr?” Noah said. “Shit. A female her age has blood that can cure a vampire’s aches and pains and severe injuries. The female dhampyr has always been revered, almost like a goddess. Her blood is even painted the color of gold in some illustrations I’ve seen to show how valuable it is. Her blood wouldn’t be able to give actual immortality, but she’d be able to heal—” He stopped talking and looked at me. “She’d be able to heal Matthias.”
A breath caught in my chest. “How do you know all of this?”
“Consider it a bit of a side project I’ve been working on. I’d hoped it would benefit a friend of mine before he decided he hated my f*cking guts.” Noah flicked a glance at Declan. “Oh, and by the way, Molly’s fine. I set her up with a family who love cats, even one-eyed flea-bitten bitches like yours. No offense.”
His voice was distant to me now because I was trying to sort out what he was saying. Jade, the dhampyr, wouldn’t have blood that could imbue true immortality like a child’s, but her blood would be able to heal Matthias and give him his strength back.
Then he could go and stop Kristoff when he was awakened. And Declan could put going after the vampire king out of his mind. I didn’t want Declan to die. Dhampyrs weren’t immortal. They might be able to heal horrific injuries in record time, but they lived the same lifespan as a human. Less by the sound of it.
A glance at the dhampyr in question made me realize that he’d been following my train of thought and the expression on his ragged face wasn’t one of approval.
“You’d offer up this dhampyr to Matthias and let him drink her blood to heal him?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “In a New York minute. Are you in?”
“I’m not sure I feel quite as strongly about Matthias’s recovery as you do.”
“Then do it for purely selfish reasons. She can help you, too.” I turned to Noah. “Tell Matthias we’re going to get her tonight.”
“Awesome.” Noah nodded, although he looked nervous. “I love amusement parks. Do you think they have a Ferris wheel?”