chapter 3
The Truth Shall Set You Free
How I’d managed to sleep that night was beyond me, but I awoke rejuvenated. Perhaps that was because I’d see Audrey this morning. This was her first visit since I moved from Seattle. She had no classes this summer, and was able to get off work for a while to come see me. And I was having “Audrey withdrawals.”
On the way to the airport I visited the conjure shop, eager to try the new protection spells. The earthy building with haint blue windows and doors sat tucked away behind an old pizzeria, right around the corner from the bookstore. I spotted the familiar rootworker behind the counter, some tired old tune playing on the ancient record player behind her.
“I need your help again, Vivienne. I want to try these out.” I handed her the list of supplies I needed.
She looked at me cautiously, slowly shook her head in disapproval. “Listen, child, I don’t know how to tell you this, but ... this just ain’t how it works, nah, child.”
I lowered my voice, looked around. “I need to make sure my friend and I are going to be safe. I’m still having problems.”
She peered back at me, paper-thin wrinkles bunched up around discerning eyes. “I understand nah, baby, but you may have somethin’ different on your hands. Somethin’ that won’t respond to these spells, ya hear? You don’ wanna be messin’ with--”
“Please, Vivienne. I need all the help I can get.”
What seemed a full minute passed before she looked down at the papers and smacked her lips together, nodded, led me to the shelves.
“Remember nah, this is just extra protection. This won’t take the place of a good ol’ fashioned jail cell, ya hear?” She placed bags of herbs and roots in my hands.
I nodded and handed her the last of my money.
“Somethin’ just not right,” she mumbled, but I was already rushing toward the door.
At the airport terminal, I saw her first, so I was able to see her reaction when she spotted me through the crowds of people. Her face beamed with that same giddy look she got in middle school whenever I announced I was having a slumber party. With her around, I knew that seeing things through a child’s eyes again would be as easy as breathing.
I rushed over to hug her, nearly knocking her down in collision. She laughed, pulling away from my embrace to look at me. “I just got here and you’re already trying to kill me, woman!”
“Can you blame me?” I shot back. “You nearly killed me, making me wait a year and a half to see you! I was having panic attacks down here, ya know.” As pure as she was, Audrey had a sarcasm I appreciated, something I believed made our bond even tighter.
“Well you know you could’ve come to Seattle to see me too,” she said. “You’ve practically written the place off!” She stopped at my expression. “Cam, you know I’m just giving you a hard time. I know Seattle’s the last place you’d want to visit. I get it.”
She tapped the side of my arm and picked up her luggage from where she’d dropped it. “Now, can we please get out of here? It’s giving me a headache!”
“Absolutely,” I said.
“Good. I’m starving, and I have so much to tell you! But I need to eat something, like right now. Can we pleeeeease hurry up?”
I had to laugh. “Sure. We’ll stop on the way to the house. That is, if you can control your appetite for a whole twenty minutes.”
She rolled her big blue eyes. “Don’t start with me. It’s not the smartest idea to mess with a cranky, hungry woman who’s been on a plane all morning. Let me get something in my stomach before you start giving me attitude, so I at least have some energy in me to fight back!” She nudged me with her elbow as we headed to leave.
I nudged her back. “It’s good to see you, too.”
Before we knew it, it was almost dusk. After breakfast we’d shopped, so we decided to hang out at home that night. Once we finished dinner, we headed out to walk around the neighborhood like we used to back in Seattle, to reminisce and catch up. Though there was no one on the planet I would confide in except her, I still didn’t want to tell her the truth.
“So you know I’m bound to ask,” she began while we walked down the rugged road past a sugarcane field. “You might as well just come out with it and save me the trouble of prying it out of you.”
I tried. “Audrey, there’s nothing to tell.” Then I sighed, realizing I was already defeated. “Can we please talk about what’s going on with you some more? You never told me about what happened with Brian, or how your spring classes went.”
She gathered her dirty blonde hair into her hands and tied it up into a ponytail. As she did, she said, “Brian’s history, good riddance. Classes were good. Same old, same old. Now. Who is he? And why won’t you talk to me about him? I mean, all the times we’ve talked on the phone, and you just dance around the subject.”
She raised her eyebrows at me, waiting. I watched a family of ducks waddle by, crossing the street in front of us. “You know, I really admire their simple lives,” I said. “Eat, sleep, repeat.” I glanced up to examine the soft palette of colors in the sky.
“Yeah, the ducks. Simple. I get it. Now spill.”
I sighed. “I haven’t talked to you about him because there’s nothing to tell. Besides, you know how I am about talking on the phone. It’s so impersonal. I didn’t want to get into it.” I shrugged.
“Okay, well I’m here now. No phones. So let’s hear it.”
Of course. Get right to the point, Camille. She was so impatient. So blunt. So ... Audrey. I hesitated, trying to figure out how to be as truthful as possible without alarming her. I couldn’t have her run off and confront him herself, before I had the chance to try the protection spell. Knowing how enraged she’d be when she found out, I doubted she would be able to hear the rest of the story.
“It’s not a big deal. He seemed great. Someone I could relate to. We dated for the past year, and ... he turned out to be a jerk. So now we’re going through the breakup. And it’s hard.”
She shook her head. “I knew something was up. You dated for a year, and you don’t tell me anything?” Annoyance had crept into her tone. “Never mind that. Do you still love him?”
Which question to answer first? Which was safest? “He turned out to treat me ... badly. I didn’t really love him. It was more of an unhealthy attachment. An addictive relationship, I guess you could say.”
That was the truth. But what was I supposed to do next? Rip my sleeve up my arm and just show her? She knew I went through this with the last guy in Seattle, but this time I’d let it go on for over a year.
“Well I can understand that, Cam. I mean, you’ve been through a lot. Moving out here all by yourself, after going through everything with your mom and dad, and him ... you needed a friend, someone you could hang out with. Trying to fill a void, you know.”
Thank you, Dr. Audrey. “Yeah, but I screwed up. I’ve never needed anyone to feel adequate. Not like this. Not until I met him. I wasn’t thinking clearly, I guess. So when he came along, if I wasn’t with him, I felt so empty. But I made a big mistake. One that’s going to take a while to forgive myself for.”
She reached out, squeezed my shoulder. “Sometimes you get into a relationship, and the person turns out to be no good. It happens. You make it sound like you committed a crime. I can’t imagine anything worse than what you left in Seattle.”
Dread filled my mind and overwhelmed me. “Seriously, did you change your major to Psych and forget to tell me? You need to go be a counselor, not a cook.” Sarcasm wasn’t working. “I’m just angry with myself. That’s the best I can explain it. When I moved out here, I really believed things were going to be good. That I really would make a new life out here.”
“Camille,” she began gently. “You dated someone. You thought he was a good guy, but his true colors came through. It just took a little while to see it this time. Happens all the time. You can still start over. It hasn’t even been two years since you’ve moved out here.” She grew quiet, her eyes on something in the distance. For a second it looked as if she was marveling over the beautiful sunset. Then I caught the suspicion in her eyes.
“We should start heading back,” I said. “It’s almost dark. And I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I have to work in the morning.” I stopped walking and turned around to head back to the house.
“How did he treat you badly, as you put it?”
The dreaded question. I sighed but kept walking, to force her to follow. “He cut me down all the time, said mean things. He’s really manipulative....”
She wasn’t following. I turned my head so I could see her, saw the corners of her lips pulled down into a frown. She was still staring off toward the sky, contemplating, but she hadn’t moved. Until she looked toward me without looking me in the eyes, wrapped her arms around her body and hugged herself. I stood there, waiting for her to catch up, but she clearly wasn’t ready to leave. Or finished with me.
“He must’ve treated you really badly for you to not say a word to me for a whole year.” She took a deep breath and glanced at my arms. “You’re afraid to tell me something. And whatever it is, it is a big deal.”
I didn’t answer.
She flailed her arms out to the side, frustrated. “Who is he, Camille? What did he do to you? And please, remember who you’re talking to. I’m your best friend. Don’t insult me.”
She wrapped her arms around her body again, this time looked directly at me, probably just as reluctant to hear the truth as I was to tell it. Still, I tried to spare us both.
“Well ... his name’s Andrew. And you’re right. It is bad. The truth is, he’s been very” -- a lump rose in my throat -- “verbally abusive.” I compulsively looked down, blowing my cover, completely committing a liar’s suicide. “I didn’t want to tell you about it because I’m embarrassed, okay? I can’t believe I even put up with it again. But I had a good reason for not telling you. I knew you’d try to talk sense into me. At the time, I wasn’t ready for that. I just wanted to be with him, jerk or not.”
I looked up as she nodded again, then cocked her head to the side as she looked down at her feet, kicked a pebble to the side of the road. “Awfully hot to be wearing a long-sleeved shirt today, isn’t it? A one-hundred-degree heat index, and you wear a flannel shirt to pick me up this morning?”
One hot tear slid down my cheek and I nodded, knowing I didn’t need words to confirm her suspicions.
She stepped closer. “How bad is it? What did he do to you? How long has this been going on?”
“A while,” I murmured, another tear rolling down my face. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
She grabbed my shoulders and shook me like a rag doll, then moved her hands down to my elbows and yanked one sleeve all the way up my arm. I winced.
“We need to call the police,” she babbled, “they need to see....” She grabbed the other sleeve and yanked it up. “What did that monster do to you? I’ll kill him, I swear I will! We need to go to the police, right now. You can’t let him get away with this.”
She began to shake me again, as if trying to wake me from a deep sleep, but I pulled away. “Look Audrey, I know. That’s what I need to tell you. You have to listen to me. I know I let him do this, and I need to go to the police. But I just realized it yesterday. That I’m strong enough now. He had me brainwashed for a little while there, but I’ve snapped out of it, I promise.”
“But how do you know--?”
“He came to my job yesterday. I completely lost it. I know I have to end this now.” I swallowed, rushing to catch my breath so I could continue. To my surprise, she waited for me. “I was afraid of what he’d do if he ever came after me. Once I broke up with him, let alone if I went to the police. Not to mention what I would even tell the police. It doesn’t look good when you let someone do this to you for a year and not say anything about it. I enabled him. It takes two, that’s what they’ll think. I have a lot of odds against me.” I threw my hands up in the air, exasperated, yet it felt so liberating to let the truth pour out.
She shook her head. “I get that, Camille. But this happens to plenty of people, and there are ways out, ways to handle this. Fortunately, it’s not like you’re married to the guy.”
I breathed out a sigh, wiped my face on my sleeve. “Yeah, I know. The thing is ... I’ve tried to break up with him before, and until yesterday, when he came to my job, I hadn’t seen him in over a week.”
“He came to your job? You said you lost it. What made you change your mind to finally do something about it?”
“I don’t know, really. I was just so disappointed. I guess I thought he really let me break up with him this time. Then here he shows up at my job, telling me he’s picking me up next weekend, and I just cracked.” The humid heat was smothering me; I shrugged off the flannel shirt and rubbed my upper arms, examining the black and blue marks sprawled across them. “Him showing his face yesterday was some kind of wakeup call. I just hate that it happened the day before you came.”
Her eyes sparked with hope. “You weren’t lying when you said you’ve snapped out of it. Thank God, the real Camille is still in there, I can tell.” Her eyes appraised me. She gently rubbed one of the bruises. “Do they hurt badly?”
“They’re okay.”
Her nostrils flared and she closed her eyes, pressed her fingers against her temples. “We have to turn him in now. Before he shows his face at the house. I can’t be held responsible for what I’d do to him.”
I put up my hand to stop her from saying anything more. “He’s more of a threat to you than you’d be to him, Audrey.” I gestured to my arm. “He’s dangerous when he wants to be.”
And then I explained my plan, the one I rehearsed in my head on the way to pick her up this morning.
Horror washed over her face. “Absolutely not, I--”
“He won’t come around while you’re here,” I said quickly. “I don’t think, anyway. We can enjoy these two weeks together, and you can trust me to call the police after you leave.”
“There is no way in hell I’m going to get on that plane and leave you here with him, are you crazy...?”
My hope that she would remain calm ended. She started yelling like she was talking to an inanimate object who couldn’t understand her. From there, we went around in circles while full darkness fell around us. With us both exhausted, we came to a compromise: To keep from ruining the next two weeks, she would let me wait until she left to go to the police.
“But I cannot sit here while you go out with him,” she added. “You cancel the date. If he shows up anyway, I’ll be here.”
I feared saying no to him would put Audrey in danger, especially since I had no guarantee the protection spell would work. I said, “He’s so unpredictable, I doubt the date will even happen. But if I can’t cancel it, if he shows up--”
“Nope. That’s part of my compromise. Tell him you won’t go out with him and stick with it, and I won’t bother you the rest of the time I’m here about going to the police. If he shows up angry, then I’ll call the cops. I’ll be a witness that way. He’ll be turned in, and you’ll have no date to worry about.”
And that was that. She refused to let me go on the date, if it happened, to protect her. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. “Agreed.”
“Okay. Let’s get back to the house. It’s so dark out here I can barely see a thing,” she locked arms with me to walk toward the house, “and I’m creeped out now, talking about this guy. It’s going to be all right, Cam. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, remember?” With a tight smile, she nudged me into a walk.
“I think I’m past the first step, aren’t I?” I said. “I’m about to kick him to the curb and ban him from my life.”
Her face grew serious again. “He’s never going to put his hands on you again. We’ll make sure of that. You’ll pick up right where you left off when you moved here. A little banged up, some wounds to heal. No pun intended. Although I still can’t believe I’m agreeing to wait.”
“It’s not your burden to bear, Audrey,” I said. “It’s my problem. I got myself into it and I’d like to get myself out of it. Preferably not while you’re here on vacation.”
“Please. My vacation is hardly priority at the moment. I’m just glad I came when I did. I can’t imagine if ...” She glanced at me and I nodded to show her I understood.
Another good part of living in the country is being able to really see the night sky. I looked up to a panorama of winking crystal stars against the inky-black backdrop. Despite her worries about me, Audrey’s words encouraged me, confirming that yesterday’s epiphany still applied today. Talking about it with her after making the decision to rid myself of this toxic relationship for good was the beginning.
I gave her arm a squeeze as we approached my front door. “Seriously, thank you for doing this. For your help.” I unlocked the door and held it open, to let her in first. But she didn’t go inside.
“I know you’re completely blind to it,” she said, “but believe me when I say you don’t need anyone to help you. You don’t know your own strength, Cam. Truth is, you would’ve made it out of this mess with or without me here, or anyone else. And that absolutely astounds me.” She winked. “I admire you, Camille Hart. I always have.”
For what I’d done to deserve an angel like this, I hadn’t the faintest idea. Tonight, the stars could surely feel my heart radiating in gratitude. But I also knew that her faith in me alone might not be enough to protect us both. We headed inside and I excused myself to the bathroom, where my stash of Hoodoo supplies waited.