Instead, she sat up a little straighter and looked at the place that had become her home. She was glad she’d returned to Ruina one last time, if only because it confirmed it wasn’t home anymore. It was right to take Olivia’s ashes to the remains of the castle, and it was right to leave them there.
The Ruined who had returned after abandoning Olivia didn’t seem surprised by Olivia’s death, though Ester had told Em in no uncertain terms that Em had Olivia’s blood on her hands. Em had plenty of blood on her hands, but she knew Olivia’s didn’t belong there. She could tell Ester knew it too.
Even though Em didn’t blame herself for what happened to Olivia, she hadn’t been able to stop imagining how it could have been. If they’d never left Ruina, if August had never come with the warriors, if Olivia had gone back with Ester and the others instead of coming to the castle. Em imagined a different future for her sister, one where she grew old and learned from her mistakes. A future where she took her power to heal—a power that no Ruined possessed now—and helped people. A future where she learned that the satisfaction she felt from her rage wasn’t happiness. The future that Em imagined for her sister was probably much better than any one Olivia would have actually lived, and she tried not to think about that too often.
“On your right,” Mariana said quietly, and Patricio and Em both turned their heads. A group of humans stood not far away, staring at them with contemptuous expressions on their faces. One woman put her arm out, like she was shielding the girl next to her.
Em lifted her hand in a wave. One of the men looked insulted.
“Don’t antagonize them,” Mariana said, her voice amused.
“I wasn’t!” Em shrugged. “They can hate us, but I don’t have to feel the same.”
The castle gates were opening, and the Ruined at the front dismounted their horses. Mariana smiled at Em.
“I think they’re excited we’re back, Your Majesty.”
Em leaned to the side to see past the horses and spotted people streaming out of the castle. Guards were lined up on either side of the front path, which Em thought was the standard way to greet a royal returning to the castle. She had signed the new marriage document before she left for Ruina. There’d been a surge of goodwill toward the Ruined after they’d helped Lera defeat Olso and Vallos, and the advisers decided there would be no better time for Em and Cas to announce their marriage. She was, officially, the queen of Lera, and held all the same powers as Cas.
The wagon stopped just outside the castle gates and Em carefully got to her feet, trying to balance on her good leg. She looked up to find Cas jogging down the dirt path, his face breaking into a grin when he spotted her.
He stopped next to the wagon and held his hands out to help her down. He grabbed her around the waist as she stepped off, sweeping her clear off her feet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck. He let out a sigh so big she could feel his chest move.
“I missed you,” he said into her hair.
“Every day,” she agreed.
He gently put her on the ground, his eyes on her feet. “How is your ankle?”
“Getting better. I could use an arm for walking, though.”
“Gladly,” he said, holding his out for her. She slipped her arm through. “How was Ruina? Any problems?”
She shook her head. There wasn’t much else to say about her journey, nothing that she was able to express right now anyway, and Cas gave her a look like he understood. He did. If there was anyone who understood Em, who understood everything, it was him.
She heard running footsteps, and turned to find Aren and Iria rushing toward her. Iria slowed as they drew closer, her expression a little uncertain. Em dropped Cas’s arm, stepping forward to embrace Iria first. Em smiled at Iria as she pulled away. She had assured Iria before she left that she blamed no one for Olivia’s death.
She turned to Aren next and squeezed him tightly until he let her go. He appeared a little worried as he pulled away, but he returned the smile she gave him. They’d both agreed it was best if he stayed in Lera while she went to Ruina. He didn’t want to leave Iria, and Em didn’t want him to leave Lera unprotected, not so soon after the attack from Olso and Vallos.
Aren hugged her again. Neither of them said anything as they pulled away and Aren turned to greet Cas. Aren didn’t seem to have words about Olivia any more than Em did. She preferred it that way. Maybe they’d find a way to talk about her one day.
She took Cas’s arm again, leaning on him as they began to walk down the path.
Cas turned his head, brushing a kiss to her forehead. “Did you encounter any problems traveling in Lera?”
He must have known about the hostile humans not far from the castle. Cas and his guards were aware of everything that went on in Royal City these days.
“No one attacked us,” she said.
He laughed softly. “That’s your bar for things going well, isn’t it? No one tried to kill you.”
“It’s always a good day when no one tries to kill me.” She smiled up at him. She knew he wished for more. He wished everyone in Lera could see what he saw in her, that they could love her the way he did, or at least respect her. He was impatient, but Em was not. Many of the people in Lera didn’t accept her as their queen. They didn’t understand her, or respect her, not the way Cas did.
But they would.