A Soul for Vengeance

Chapter 23



Zara had taken care to avoid Kell all morning, but now she no longer had that luxury. If she wanted her voice heard in forming the master plan to drive out the Thallians, she needed to take her place around the table in the center of Bynn’s house. Unfortunately, that placed her directly across from Kell.

The fire in his gaze hadn’t faded from this morning. His decree still rang in her ears. He wanted answers, but she wasn’t ready yet to suffer the humiliation of giving them to him. It was much easier to bear his anger than his disgust, his horror, his pity.

Or his indifference.

Because that was what she hoped would happen. He’d learn of her flaws, of her womanly deficiencies, and move on to the next woman. Perhaps his new lover would be the woman he made his queen. Perhaps it would even be that yellow-haired witch. It didn’t matter. He’d move on and pretend that none of their passionate nights had ever occurred, just as he had with his prior lovers.

She would never forget those nights, though.

At least it was good while it lasted.

She focused her attention on the map, ignoring the foolish heat that stirred in her stomach and the flutter of her heart whenever she looked up at him. The locations of Thallian outposts and troop movements distracted her from the memory of his lips moving across her skin. Reciting the figures from their supply ledger kept her from remembering the number of times she’d known pleasure in his arms and the way his smile made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. But in the end, her thoughts always returned to him.

He wanted answers, but she was too much of a coward to give them to him. Better to walk away with her pride still intact.

Better to break his heart than let him break hers.

Her breath caught as that thought flittered across her mind. As tempting as it was, there was no honor, no dignity in that course of action. As a border lord’s daughter, she knew the proper course of action was to face her battles head on without hiding behind courtly games. She’d tell him the painful truth once she gathered her courage.

Kell banged his fist on the table, a hiss of frustration slipping from his lips. He turned and stared at the ceiling. “It doesn’t matter how many times we tweak the scenarios, it still would take a miracle from the Lady Moon to tilt the odds in our favor. I refuse to send my people into a suicide battle. I’d rather explore Fermo’s idea of diplomacy before seeing any more of my people killed.”

Admiration surged through her and dallied with the other emotions that filled her whenever she thought of him. “All the more reason why we need to restore you to the throne, Kell.”

“I wish I shared your confidence.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pushing the raw edge of his feelings deeper under the surface. “Anything else?”

“Not unless Marist offers assistance.” Bynn took a sip of the bitter tea they all drank and swallowed, his mouth puckering with pain. “The only other option is to wait for the Thallians to invade Gravaria and pounce on them when their forces are scattered.”

“There’s still the Triumvirate.” Zara stared at Trivinus on the map. It was the key that could unlock their success if they could just capture it. “My sources tell me they are quite comfortable in the castle and will be leaving the invasion to another group of generals from Thallus.”

“Are you suggesting we focus our efforts on them?” Kell asked.

“I’ve always thought that.” She slid her gaze to her brother, catching his glower. “But my ideas for toppling them are risky at best.”

“Such as?”

Her heart jumped. This was the chance she’d been waiting for, the opportunity to finally earn Kell’s backing for her plan. She started to tell him all about it, but her voice faltered as she met his gaze. If she carried out her plan as designed, there was a good chance she’d perish in the process. The selfish desire to spend a lifetime with him overpowered her practical notions. She wanted what she could never have, making her question the plan she’d clung to for so many months.

The mirror around his neck illuminated the room and spared her from that choice right now. Kell snatched it up and ran his finger along the brim. “Yes?”

The Empress’s voice replied, “I’ve been giving some thought to your situation, Prince Kell. Perhaps I might be able to spare resources to assist you.”

“Perhaps?” He hung the pendant up on the tree trunk so they could all see the Empress’s face. “What’s the catch?”

“You told me that Thallus is massing forces in Boznac with the intention of invading Gravaria once the storms clear. If I send any aid from Hebera, the ships will meet with each other along the way, and the aid will never reach you. It will be a waste on both our parts.”

Zara nodded at the blunt assessment, her respect for Empress Marist growing. She flipped through the maps until she found one depicting the sea that separated their nations. “Do you think you can send a fleet from Mumdair?”

The Empress opened her mouth, then closed it and pursed her lips together. “Perhaps.”

She was beginning to think that was the Empress’s favorite word. It was time to change that perhaps into a definitely. “According to our maps, it’s a large enough port to accommodate a small armada. It’s also further south, which decreases the likelihood of storms as winter changes over to spring. And, it’s on a direct course with Illyrus.”

The hum of whispers flowed from the mirror as though the Gravarian advisors were analyzing her proposal for plausibility. Empress Marist turned her head to the side, snapping a fan in front of her lips to hide her conversation with someone one beyond the window of the mirror. She nodded before lowering her fan. “The idea has merit, but with one reservation. Is Illyrus a deep enough harbor to accept our ships? And more importantly, is it safe from Thallian guard?”

Zara grinned. “Like you, the Thallians haven’t considered it a port worthy of their notice. The peninsulas on either side form a ring, creating a deep water bay that’s perfect for ships, but getting through the straits between them can be hazardous to those unfamiliar with the area, which is why Illyrus never became the port Boznac is.”

“And is there a trick to steering a ship safely through the straits?” the Empress asked.

Kell’s boyish grin reminded her of the carefree prince he’d been before all this. “According to the sailors I’ve known, it’s keeping a squinty eye on the mermaid’s chest.”

Empress Marist arched a brow. “Mermaids?”

“There is a rock formation on the southern bank that resembles a mermaid at a certain angle, Your Imperial Majesty,” Bynn answered, his rigid composure adding some respectability to an otherwise improper topic of conversation. “If you squint hard enough, you can make out a few of her, um, features. Keep the bow of your ships pointed at her chest until it becomes unrecognizable again, and you should be able to enter the bay with ease.”

The fan snapped back up, followed by more hushed conversations between the Empress and her advisors. Then a woman’s voice with a Ranellian accent interrupted them. Arden, the yellow-haired witch. “Relax, Marist. Loku says he can guide us if we get into trouble.”

The Empress glared over the edge of her fan at the source of the voice. “If I need to remind you once more to address me in the proper fashion, there will be consequences. Besides, what makes him willing to show them the way?”

“Loku is not as bad as everyone makes him out to be,” Arden replied from somewhere in the Empress’s room.

“That remains to be seen.” The Empress raised her fan and resumed her conversation with her advisors.

Kell chuckled while Bynn fiddled with his eye patch. They both were trying to alleviate the tension while the Empress made her decision. For once in her life, Zara wished she could use magic, if only to bend the Empress to her will. Their survival hinged on one simple word.

“Yes.”

Zara had to pinch herself to make sure she heard the Empress correctly.

“I will send the following aid to you.” As Empress Marist began to list what she would be sending to them, Zara’s heart began to soar. Food. Weapons. Soldiers. Mages. Everything they’d been lacking over the last few months, and everything they needed to help turn the odds in their favor. “If our calculations are correct, the ships should arrive by the time the three moons are all full.”

One month from now. Her feet itched to dance, but Zara kept them glued to the floor for fear she’d offend the harsh-appearing ruler on the other side of the mirror.

“In return,” the Empress continued, “I expect you to keep your end of our bargain, Kell.”

He bowed to her, his face solemn. “I have every intention of doing so, Marist.”

“Then I will contact you once the ships have sailed from Mumdair.” The mirror turned black, reflecting the room once again after it cleared.

Kell picked her up and swung her around. “You were brilliant.”

The aromas of bay leaf and leather mixed with a purely male scent filled her nose, overwhelming her other senses as she slid along his body and rested her face in the crook of his neck. She drew it in, let it fill her mind and soul, and reveled at being this close to him. Despite the chaos in her life, she’d come to know peace in his arms.

But she knew she’d lingered there too long once Bynn cleared his throat. Zara stepped back, her cheeks burning, and cast a sideways glance at her brother. His face remained unreadable, but his one eye hardened like obsidian.

If Kell noticed it, he gave no indication. He continued to beam down at her, cradling her face in his palms. “I would’ve never thought of using Illyrus, but it’s perfect. You were magnificent.”

Bynn’s frown deepened.

She lowered his hands, jerking her eyes toward her brother so Kell would take a hint and contain himself. Up to this point, she’d managed to keep her affair with the prince from her brother, but now, she may have given all her secrets away. On one hand, she worried this might create an inconvenient tension between the men, especially since it would interfere with Bynn’s plan to marry her off to Fermo.

On the other hand, it was very freeing to let her heart guide her life instead of her head, even if it was only for a few seconds.

Too bad common sense reclaimed her. She took a step back. “I’ll send messengers to Ortono and Fermo, letting them know of the Gravarian aid.”

Kell nodded, never taking his eyes off her. “We only have one shot at this, and I want to make the most of it. Tell them I wish to focus our resources on Trivinus. If we can capture it and defeat the Triumvirate, the rest should fall into place.”

“It should take the Gravarian forces ten days to reach Trivinus once they land, so I’ll have them time their arrival at the same time.” She dashed out the door and managed to get several strides out of Bynn’s home before Kell caught her.

“And one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“I meant what I said about tonight.”

Her heart rattled against her ribs. “And you need to be more careful, especially in front of my brother.”

“I can’t keep playing this game forever, Zara.” His eyes swept over her body from her hair to her boots and back again. “Now that we’ve settled on our final battle plan, I want to settle a few more things.”

She licked her lips, her mouth drier than usual. “You’re walking a very fine line, Kell, and I don’t want to be the one who tips you into failure.”

“I’m not worried about that. If anything, you’ve been the secret to my success.”

The ache along her scars reminded her that if they continued, she’d ultimately lead him to failure. “Thank you, Kell. Now, I must send out the messengers while there’s still daylight.”

“Tonight.” It was an order, not a request, coming from a man who’d grown into everything a king should be.

And it terrified her.

Zara crept along the swinging bridge, her feet moving forward despite her mind ordering them to stop. I’m a fool for doing this. I should stop now before I ruin everything.

But she’d become like the kokalla addicts that feared escaping from their Thallian masters. Once she’d tasted Kell, spent one night in his arms, she’d craved more. And she’d do anything for her next dose, even risk unraveling her brother’s best laid plans and jeopardizing the future of the kingdom.

I should turn back now.

Her body didn’t listen. She slipped into his room as she’d done dozens of nights before and tiptoed to his bed.

Only tonight, Kell wasn’t sleeping. He grabbed her and pulled her into his bed, kicking off the thick, fur-lined cloak he’d used to cover up the lit lantern. Light flooded the room, and Zara found herself looking up into Kell’s hungry eyes. “No more games, Zara.”

Panic pawed at her throat. “Please, put out the lantern, and I’ll answer any question you want.”

“No, I want to see your face tonight as you answer my questions, and as I make love to you.” He slid his hands up her arms, pinning her wrists to the pillow. “I’ll start with my first question. Why do you want the lights out?”

“I don’t want anyone to catch us.”

“And I told you that doesn’t matter to me. I’d like for us to get caught. Then Bynn would be forced to accept my proposal to marry you.”

Her breath evaporated. “You’ve asked him for my hand?”

Kell’s grip loosened, and his expression softened. “No, not yet. I wanted to ask you first.”

Pain spilled into her veins, starting at her heart and tearing into every inch of her being. If things had been different, if the Thallians hadn’t rendered her useless to be the kind of wife Kell needed, she would’ve accepted his proposal without hesitation. Instead, she was forced to say, “No, Kell, you don’t want me for a wife.”

Disbelief slackened a mouth that had just been curled up into a warm smile. He sat back on his knees, still straddling her, but releasing her wrists so she could pull the covers up over her thin shift and the scars that lay beneath it. “Why not?”

She closed her eyes and curled to the side, unwilling to witness the pain she was about to cause him. “I’m not fit to become your wife.”

“Damn it, don’t give me these vague answers, Zara. I demand to know why—” His words froze as he rolled her back over and the sheet fell away from her chest, exposing the top of the long scar that ran from the center of her breasts to the bottom of her abdomen. His fingers grazed the gnarled rope of flesh. “What happened here?”

Humiliation washed over her like a cauldron of steaming water. Up until now, she’d managed to hide her scars from him under the dark cloak of night and haze of desire. Now, she had neither to distract him. She tried to cover the scar up, crossing her arms over her chest, only to have him pry her wrists apart and pin them back on the pillow. He settled his weight on her to keep her in place. The harder she struggled, the more he tightened his grip on her. She was his prisoner, her darkest secrets coming to light, and there was no escaping.

At last, she gave in and looked at him. Concern filled his eyes, making the green flecks in them appeared brighter than fresh spring grass. “Please,” he said, his voice deep and cracking with emotion, “tell me what happened to you.”

Her head swam. Not only would her confession probably earn his dismissal, but it would also stir up memories of the day she longed to forget. Her saliva grew bitter, choking her mouth. All the pain, the horror, the heartbreak—they slammed into her with such force that tears sprang from the corners of her eyes. Her heart beat in stuttered increments as she fought to stay in control and not slip back into that time and place where everything changed.

She wrestled with her emotions, gaining strength with each steadying breath. “I was wounded by the Thallians when they invaded my father’s home,” she managed to whisper.

“And is this the reason why you’ve always come to me after I put out my light, why you refused to remove your shift when we were together?”

She squeezed her eyes tighter and nodded.

His weight eased off her, but his knees still squeezed her hips, keeping her there in his bed. He fumbled with the ties on the top of her shift, opening the neckline.

Her muscles jerked taut, and her eyes snapped open. Wasn’t it enough to know that she didn’t want him seeing her scars? She caught his fingers. “No, please don’t.”

He pushed her hands away and continued with unlacing the top of her shift, his brows lowered with fierce determination. The thin material fell away from her shoulders, exposing the entire length of the scar that stretched from her breasts to well below her navel. When he couldn’t open it any more, he tugged at the material, ripping it in his impatience, leaving her completely naked and exposed.

“Sweet Lady Moon, I had no idea.” He traced the path the Thallian sword had taken through her flesh. “How did you survive?”

She laughed to cover up the sound of her sob. “Through sheer stubbornness, I think.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.” Once again, she tried to cover up, only to be thwarted by him. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. “Are you finished ogling my disfiguration yet?”

He turned his attention from the mangled flesh of her stomach to her face. A line creased the place between his brows, and the corners of his mouth pulled downward. “Zara, I—”

“Spare me your pity, Kell.” She managed to prop up on her elbows, the new angle obscuring her face and the tears that trickled down her cheeks from him. “I can see my wounds disgust you like I knew they would, so can I please leave now?”

“No.” He clenched his thighs around her hips until she flopped back down on the bed. “You’re not going anywhere until I’m finished with you.”

Her stomach took a sickening turn, twisting in on itself as Kell continued to glide his fingers along her scars. Sweet Lady Moon, is he determined to rip through my heart and leave it in the same condition the Thallians left my body? “What more do you want from me?”

“This.” He bent his head and pressed his lips to the place where her scar started between her breasts.

Her heart skipped a beat before resuming its frantic pace, although for an entirely different reason now. Inch after inch, he traveled the length of her scar, peppering it with the gentlest of kisses.

A new sensation replaced her embarrassment, one that left her warm and wanted. Instead of tossing her out of his bed for being disfigured, he treated her as though she were as delicate as an egg’s shell. Instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, he revered her flesh as though it was a shrine dedicated to the Lady Moon herself. Instead of making her feel unwanted for being unable to bear children, he continued lower past her scars and sent her over the edge of ecstasy.

When her vision came back into focus afterwards, he was leaning over her with a goofy grin on his face. “Do you know how beautiful you are right now?”

“Are you mocking me?”

He shook his head and ran his knuckles along her cheek. “Did you truly think I would see only your scars and nothing else?”

A new type of shame washed over her. She’d misjudged him—badly. Which, of course, made her fall that much more in love with him.

“Your scars make you all the more precious to me because they remind me of how you fought back, how you refused to give up, how you saved me when I needed you the most.” He kissed her, slow and easy but with enough passion to make her toes curl. “And that makes you the most beautiful woman in the world as far as I’m concerned.”

Her heart welled up with so much emotion that it filled her chest to the bursting point and slipped out from her lips. “I love you, Kell.”

“I love you, too, Zara.”

He made love to her that night slowly with the lights on, their eyes exploring each other as much as their hands did, forming a connection between them as they reached their climaxes and fell into each other’s arms in exhaustion when they were done. Kell slipped easily into slumber, but Zara stayed awake, wrestling with the revelations of the night.

Kell loved her.

Kell wanted to marry her.

Kell’s line would die with him if he did, leaving the kingdom without an heir.

For that reason, she slipped out of his bed while he slept and returned to her room to gather her store of kokalla. She scribbled a small note explaining why she left the camp in the middle of the night, asking Kell’s forgiveness for what she was about to do. It was time to put her plan into action. She’d take out the Triumvirate and help restore Kell to the throne.

And maybe, in time, he’d forgive her for sacrificing herself in the process.