“By the time you were born, I’m sure she had learned to love him. Your father was a good enough man and she a loving woman. But in those days, she loved me.” His voice became thick with old emotions. “She loved me. I had known her a year before Borric’s return. We had already vowed to wed when my tenure as a squire was through, but it was a secret thing, a pledge between children made in a garden one night. I had written to my father, asking him to intercede with the Queen, to gain me Catherine’s hand. I never thought to speak to the King. I, the clever son of an eastern lord, had been bested by the country noble’s boy in a court intrigue. Damn, I had thought I was so wily. But I was then only nineteen. It was so long ago.
“I fell into a rage. In those days my temper was a match for your father’s. I dashed from your mother’s room and sought Borric out. We fought; in the King’s palace, we duelled and almost killed each other. You must have seen the long wound upon your father’s side, from under the left arm across his ribs. I gave him that scar. I bear a similar wound from him. I almost died. When I recovered, your father was a week gone to Crydee, taking Catherine with him. I would have followed, but the King forbade it on pain of death. He was correct, for they were married. I took to wearing black as a public mark of my shame. Then I was sent to fight Kesh at Deep Taunton.” He laughed a bitter laugh. “Much of my reputation as a general came from that encounter. I owe my success in part to your father. I punished the Keshians for his having robbed me of Catherine. I did things no general in his right mind should do, leading attack after attack. I think now I hoped to die then.” His voice softened, and he chuckled. “I was almost disappointed when they asked for quarter and terms of surrender.”
Guy sighed. “So much of what happened in my life stems from that. I ceased holding ill will toward Borric, eventually, but he . . . turned a bitter side up when she died. He rejected the idea of sending his sons to the King’s court. I think he worried I might take revenge upon you and Lyam.”
“He loved Mother; he was never a happy man after her death,” Arutha said, feeling somehow both uncomfortable and angry. He did not need to justify his father’s behaviour to his most bitter enemy.
Guy nodded. “I know, but when we are young we cannot entertain the idea another’s feelings can be as deep as our own. Our love is so much loftier, our pain so much more intense. But as I grew older, I realized Borric loved Catherine as much as I did. And I think she did love him.” Guy’s good eye fixed on a point in space. His tone became softer, reflective. “She was a wonderful, generous woman with room in her life for many loves. Yet, I think deep in his heart your father harboured doubts.” Guy regarded Arutha with an expression of mixed wonder and pity. “Can you imagine that? How sad it must have been? Perhaps, in a strange way, I was the luckier, for I knew she loved me. I had no doubt.” Arutha noticed a faint sheen of moisture in Guy’s good eye. The Protector brushed away the gathering tear in an unselfconscious gesture. He settled back, closing his eye, his hand to his forehead, and quietly added, “There seems little justice in life at times.”
Arutha pondered. “Why are you telling me this?”
Guy sat up, shedding his mood. “Because I need you. And there can be no doubts on your part. To you I am a traitor who sought to take control of the Kingdom for his own aggrandizement. In part, you are correct.”
Arutha was again surprised at Guy’s candour. “But how can you justify what you did to Erland?”
“I am responsible for his death. I cannot disavow that. It was my captain who ordered his continued confinement after I had ordered his release. Radburn had his uses, but tended to be overzealous. I can understand his panic, for I would have punished him for letting Anita and you escape. I needed her to gain a foothold in the succession, and you would have been a useful bargaining piece with your father.” Seeing surprise on Arutha’s face, he said, “Oh yes, my agents knew you were in Krondor - or they reported to me when I returned - but Radburn made the error of thinking you’d lead him to Anita. It never occurred to him you might have nothing to do with her escape. The fool should have clapped you in jail and kept the search on for her.”
Arutha felt a return of his distrust and a lessening of sympathy. Despite Guy’s forthright speech, his callous references to using people rankled. Guy continued, “But I never wished Erland dead. I already had the Vice-royalty from Rodric, giving me full command over the West. I didn’t need Erland, only a link to the throne: Anita. Rodric the Fourth was mad. I was one of the first to know - as was Caldric - for in kings people overlook and forgive behaviour they would not tolerate in others. Rodric could not be allowed to rule much longer. The first eight years of the war were difficult enough in the court, but in the last year of his reign, Rodric was almost totally without reason. Kesh always has an eye turned northward, seeking signs of weakness. I did not wish the burdens of kingship, but even with your father as heir after Erland, I simply felt I was better able to rule than anyone in a position to inherit.”