“Promise?”
“Sure.” I doubted there’d be a next time any time soon. She walked me to the door and helped me find my shoes in the mess. Grudgingly she got my jacket too.
“Do you need to call him?” she asked as I bundled up.
It was a good question. I’d assumed he’d give me a ride home, but we never talked about it.
Something in my face gave away my thoughts, because Beatriz piped up with a slow shake of her head, “You need a ride home, don’t you…”
“I forgot to ask him about a ride home. Can I use your phone to call my mom?” I didn’t relish the idea, but knew she’d come get me.
“Are you serious? This is an underage party. She’ll freak out. I don’t want to get Brad in trouble,” Beatriz said starting to look panicked.
“Don’t worry. My mom’s not like that at all. She already knows where I am and what I’m doing.”
Beatriz didn’t look convinced. “You don’t have that guy’s number?”
“Morik,” I said supplying her with a name. “And no, I don’t have his number. He just always seems to show up just when I need him.” At the same time, we caught the distance rumble of an approaching motorcycle.
She smiled at me triumphantly. “You’re not kidding!” Opening the door, we both waited watching the single light turn into her driveway.
“Thanks again. It was fun,” I called over my shoulder, leaving her in the doorway while I joined Morik.
He handed me the helmet, not offering to help me put it on, but watched me closely to make sure I did it right. Using his shoulder, I carefully mounted behind him.
As soon as I settled on the seat, he turned us around, and we sped down the salt-melted roads. I hid behind him as much as possible to avoid the wind, but the pins and needles in my legs were inevitable.
Pulling in front of my house, he killed the engine and helped me from the back. I handed back the helmet, frozen and wanting to go inside. Instead, I noticed his eyes through his yellow sunglasses. Streaks of vibrant orange swirled in their mercury depths.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” he asked quietly.
“Looking for?” As I said it, what I’d done became clear, and I wanted to kick myself.
He’d spent a long time tracking me down. When he did find me, he didn’t want me to see him right away afraid that he’d scare me, which he did a little. I proved that I could touch him, see him without fear and it probably gave him hope that I really saw him as a choice. Then I went off to a party where I could continue to search for an alternate choice.
“I don’t know what I’m looking for,” I admitted honestly. “None of this feels right to me. I know you’re a choice,” I assured him. “I’m not discounting you. I’m not discounting anyone.” Stuffing my hands in my pockets in frustration, I continued, “I can’t do what women before me have done. They tell me to just pick one. I don’t want a stranger.” I realized I probably wasn’t making it any better. “I’m sorry my going to the party hurt you. I didn’t mean it that way. I just don’t want to die and am looking for a way to make everyone happy.”
He quietly studied me for a moment. The orange in his eyes dimmed, but didn’t recede completely.
“Need help getting to sleep?” he finally asked.
“Please,” I said gratefully, not just for his offer, but for his tolerance.
We walked together to the door. I let myself in, but when I looked back, he was gone. The house was quiet, but my mom waited in the living room with Aunt Danielle.
“Everything go alright?” she asked quietly, standing and unwrapping the knit blanket from her shoulders.
“From Beatriz’s point of view it did. Nothing much happened for me though, but not from lack of trying,” I assured her stowing my gloves in my pockets and kicking off my shoes. My fingers were as icy from the ride as were my legs.
“I’m sorry you haven’t connected with anyone yet Tessa. I do worry about that constantly, but I want you to be happy too.”
I nodded and hugged her good night before heading to my room. Behind me, Aunt Danielle’s soft voice broke the silence, though I couldn’t hear what she said.
Flicking on the light, I wasn’t surprised to see Morik sitting at the desk chair eyeing the completed puzzle. I nudged the door closed with my heel and sat on the bed to peel off my socks. Yes, my feet were cold too.