“He did.” She bit back tears again. Now that she’d opened the floodgates, they didn’t seem to want to stop, but they felt different now. They were somehow sweeter, almost a reminder that she’d been loved and was loved again. As if grief itself was a way to remember the sweetness of life, to magnify and celebrate it. “Apparently they became friends in jail. You do understand what happened, right?”
“Yeah. I’ve thought about it for a long time. The Caliph was looking to turn an operative. He got Jesse instead. Jamie couldn’t have known.”
“Even if he had, he couldn’t risk it. Jesse knows that, too.” Her almost husband was a remarkable man. His ability to love and find some way to move forward had taught her so much. “Jamie asked him to give me a message. Be the girl who lived. It’s silly because it’s from a book, but it means something to me, a little more than what I told Jesse. I think Jamie meant it for you, too, Tennessee.”
“I didn’t read that stuff you did.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s the same message. Love can save you if you let it. It can put up a wall that protects you, but you still have to face it. The truth is bad shit is going to happen and there’s nothing we can do about it. How we deal with it, that’s the measure of our lives. Do we roll into a ball and hide like I did? Or do we open ourselves, even knowing how much it could hurt if we lose it? I’m going to open myself. I’m going to love that man with everything I have, and if something goes wrong, at least I’ll have had that love. I am grateful for every second I had with Jamie. Every moment was precious, and now I’m going to honor him by living. I want to have babies, Ten.”
She could have sworn her brother’s eyes got misty. “I want that for you more than anything.”
“I want you to have a family, too.”
“I always knew that wasn’t the way it was going to go.”
“Why?”
“I wouldn’t even know how to be a father. I’m not built like that.”
“You are. We all are.” She backed off a little. Her brother would be a long-term project. “How about you try dating? I bet Charlotte Taggart could find someone to set you up with.”
His eyes widened. “That is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me. Don’t put that woman on me. She doesn’t give up.”
Sweet laughter bubbled up at the thought of Charlotte playing matchmaker. “I promise nothing.”
He sobered, leaning back and running a hand over his head. “I’ll smooth things over with the Agency for you. You have to know though that I don’t have the pull I used to have. We’ve opened a mighty big can of worms here. You and Murdoch need to watch your backs.”
“We’re not leaving. We have to figure this thing out or we’ll be looking behind us for the rest of our lives. I don’t imagine this guy is going to give up. There’s more at stake here than simply his identity.”
“There’s the identity of whoever he’s working with,” Ten agreed. “I’m waiting on Chelsea to get back to me with Ace’s files and the name of who recommended him. It’s going to take some patience. Apparently they wiped his files when he died. She swears nothing is ever really gone. I have to hope she and Adam can figure it out.”
“I’m worried about you going to DC.” She wasn’t sure what waited there for him.
He shrugged. “What are they going to do to me? At least they’re bringing me home if they’re burning me.”
Disavowed. Alone. She hated to think about it. The Agency had been Ten’s family for a very long time. But being burned wasn’t what scared her. “And if they’re bringing you home to do more than fire you? Ten, we don’t know what we’ve stepped into.”
“Assassination? Nah. It’s easier to discredit me. I have too many people who would give a shit if I died.” He stopped for a moment, a huff coming out of his mouth before he laughed. “Holy shit. That’s what he was doing. That old son of a bitch. I always wondered.”
“What?”
“Dad. I always wondered why. He wasn’t tasked by the Agency to find young recruits. He did it on his own. He grew up without a family. His parents died when he was in high school and he didn’t have siblings. It was precisely why he was recruited. Smart, excellent deductive reasoning skills, and no ties. It’s why we were told not to talk much about considering each other family. He didn’t want them to know we had too many ties. He took three kids who had no one and nothing and gave them the only world he understood. But he didn’t put us in there alone. He gave us each other.”
“The Agency would have written Jamie off.”
“I couldn’t because he’s my brother. And they won’t kill me because you would never let it lie.”
Because her love would protect him. “I’m not the only one. Taggart, for all his flaws, would take on the Agency for you. You’re the only one who ever thought you were alone. You had a whole family standing around you and you’re right. Dad gave us that. He’s still protecting us even after he’s gone.” She reached out and took Ten’s hand. “So don’t tell me you don’t know how to be a dad. You learned from the very best.”
“We’ll get through this, Phoebe. I’m going to make sure this goes away one way or another,” Ten promised.