“And that’s when we were captured.” The truth hit him. He’d been captured because the Agency had been playing spy games. Phoebe had come up with the plan. She’d pulled the trigger and he and his unit had paid the price. “He was trying to turn the CIA agent.” Jesse couldn’t help but laugh. It was a bitter sound. “The idiot thought it was me.”
“Yes. Maybe it was because your names were similar. You look a little alike. Jamie always looked younger than his years, so maybe that was the problem. You probably looked more like the age of the operative than him. But yes, I believe the Caliph mistook you for Jamie and that was why he tortured you.”
And she’d taken all that guilt and pain on herself. Or was there another reason she was pulling away from him? It hurt. It was a real physical pain to even think it. “Were you mad? Were you angry that I survived and he didn’t?”
Her eyes slid away, focusing on the floor. “At first. At first I believed everything they said about you.”
“You thought I turned. You didn’t realize they thought I was Jamie.”
“I thought maybe you had sold him out.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know that now.”
And it wasn’t fair to ask her if she was happy now that he’d survived. She couldn’t be. She could never be happy that her husband had died, but he had to make her see that somehow, someway Jesse had survived for her. “You didn’t sell him out either. And you didn’t sell me out. You had a problem and you came up with a solution that made sense.”
“I came up with a solution that got everyone killed.”
“That’s what happens in war. Your husband and I both knew the risks. We both understood going in what could happen and we made the choice. We chose to serve, and that means we chose to die if the sacrifice must be made. I was ready to die for my country.”
“It wasn’t your country you were going to die for. It was some fucking businessman who wanted to make a profit.”
Finally she made some sense. “Yes. Yes, it was. So stop blaming yourself and let’s look to finding him. Our first step is to find the Caliph. He’ll lead us to whoever this man is. After we’re married, that is. And I think it would be easier to do it with my team. The Agency seems to have some problems right now.”
She stared at him for a moment. “Have you heard a word I’ve said?”
“Yes. Is that all?”
“Isn’t it enough? Jesse, I’m the reason you were tortured.”
He managed to stifle a sigh. “No. The Caliph is the reason I was tortured. You merely did your job. Am I surprised? Yes, and for reasons you’ll understand in a moment, but I told you. It doesn’t matter. I love you. I’m standing by you.”
“Why?”
“Because he gave you to me. Because I’ve searched and searched for one good thing to come out of this, for the fucking universe to give me a goddamn break, and I found it. It was always you, Phoebe. I went through hell but it led me to my family and it led me to my wife. I would do it all over again.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s my turn to talk and I’m going to tell you something I haven’t told another soul.”
She shook her head. “Jesse, I can’t.”
“You can because I have a message for you. One man who loved you, he gave a message to another man—a man who would come to love you.”
“Jamie? Jamie talked to you? I don’t know if I want to know. Did he hate me for sending him there?”
“Oh, he loved you. He was in the cell next to mine and he talked about his wife and brother. He never told me your name. Always just called you his wife or his love. He wasn’t angry at the end, Phoebe. He tried to keep my spirits up. He told me his brother would find us. I thought he was a little crazy at that point. Now I know he was talking about Ten.”
“We tried.”
“Hush, he knew. He knew you and Ten were out there. He knew you wouldn’t give up. Phoebe, the night he died he gave me a message. He was out of it. Broken, but he said one thing. God, I wish I’d thought about it for two seconds. You showed me those movies and now I understand. Those books, they were your shorthand, right?”
“What?”
“He told me to find you for him and give you one message. Be the girl who lived. He said it over and over, like a mantra. Be the girl who lived. Harry Potter was the boy who lived, right?”
“Yes. He lived because his mother loved him so much she protected him from real evil.”
“He loved you and he might not have known it at the time, but he sent me to love you, too. I know that because the last words that man said to me were take care of my girl. I thought he meant to find you, make sure you were safe, and maybe that was all he meant, but that wasn’t what happened.” He stepped up to her, knowing in his heart what Jamie Grant wanted for his wife. He knew because he loved her, too, and if he’d been the other man, he would have wanted the same thing. “He wants you to live, Phoebe, and not in some half-assed, waiting to see him again way. He wants you to live every moment with passion. He wants you to have a beautiful life and when it’s over, if there’s any way for him to see you again, he will. He will wait for you and he won’t ask you to choose between us. If there’s some magical afterlife, get ready for a ménage because we both love you.”