I follow the soft line of the side of her breast with my finger. She is perfect. But why is she on show for everyone? I close down the Internet browser and tap her name.
What the hell has happened to her since she’s been at Jennifer’s? A week or two was her limit before, and then she was supposed to go home. What’s Jennifer done?
TEXAS
THURSDAY, JULY 30
NOTTING HILL, ENGLAND
The article with those photos has been released today. My stomach is rolling, making it impossible to eat. I don’t regret doing it because I finally feel like an adult in charge, but I am worried about what Dad and Kitt will say.
Kitt. Damn.
I’ve tried so hard to forget about him. I won’t let my mind drift there because, when it does, there is only paralysing fear and pain. One minute, I think I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, and the next, I think it’s for the best.
All I really know is, I miss him so much that I feel…wrong. Everything is dull. Everything that used to make me excited does nothing. Life has lost its colour, and all I want to do is lounge in bed or on the sofa. It’s all too much effort.
Peyton is in town for a few days, doing some promo shit for the series since the second season is being aired in the UK soon. She’s sitting opposite me in the eye-watering expensive restaurant. We’ve come for afternoon tea, but so far, I’ve only managed a couple of bites of the tiny, tiny cakes. She scans the magazine article with her mouth open wide. It’s not the best sign.
“I don’t know what to say, Tex.”
“Try. My dad is going to flip, and I need to know what to say to him.”
“Your dad doesn’t get to make your decisions, Tex.”
“I know that. Fuck, I proved that when I took my top off, but he’s going to be disappointed in me. Again.” The first time was bad enough, but he took that surprisingly well. This is different. This is me baring skin for the whole world to see.
“Maybe, but you can’t live your life based around what your dad will or will not like. Tex, he might not like it, but it’s not his decision, and you’re going to have to deal with the fallout, if there is one. He won’t stop loving you, so don’t stress.”
“See? I know you’re right. Logic and all that, but you can see my side boob, Pey.”
She laughs and wiggles her eyebrows. “Oh, I can see that! Don’t worry. You have nice side boob.”
“Not really what I meant.”
“Drink your coffee. It’ll calm you down. You and Mark will be fine. You always are.”
Yeah, things do make more sense when I’ve had caffeine. Perhaps not naked things, but it’s done now. Dad will have his tantrum, if he needs to, and we’ll move on. I’m not looking forward to that conversation though.
It can’t be worse than when he showed you the tampon.
No, nothing can ever be as bad as that.
“So…modelling?” She picks up a miniscule slab of coffee cake and takes a bite.
“Yeah. That one crept up on me. Mum asked if I wanted to try, so I figured, Why not?”
“Will you do it again?”
I shrug. “She’s been asked if I have an agent, so she’s been all over that. I have her as a guide, so I think I will. I felt different when I was doing it. I like that.”
“Wow. Never thought I’d hear you call Jennifer Star your guide.”
“Neither did I. This is what she’s good at though.”
“She’s awesome at it. Are you ready for a modelling career? Didn’t you come home to get away from the crazy?”
I top off my coffee mug and stare at her. “No. I don’t care about that. People have always been super interested in me and Dad. I’m used to the attention. I’ll admit, it’s extra insane since…” Kitt. His name is Kitt. A name attached to about a hundred missed calls and dozens of unanswered texts. “But I left because he couldn’t enjoy it.”
“Right. And you ended it because you’re scared that he’s had enough, and you wanted to get there first.”
“Bitch,” I mutter. “He doesn’t have time for me, Pey.”
“Bullshit. You didn’t talk about not having time. You didn’t try to figure out a way to keep in touch that would work for you both. You ran, Tex. I’m not judging, and I’m always on your side. But what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t call you up on your idiocy?”
“A better one.”
She rolls her icy-blue eyes. “You don’t believe that.”
“Moving on…please?” Because I can’t talk about this anymore. The ache in my heart grows daily, and it’s sucking the life out of me.
“Fine. I know when you’re done with a conversation. Let’s get out of here and spend some time with Mummy Dearest.”
I cut her a look. “She’s trying, and so am I.”
“Didn’t say it was bad. Plus, the woman always has champagne on ice!”
I honestly think Jennifer lives on it. She chugs it down like it’s water.
FRIDAY, JULY 31
NOTTING HILL, ENGLAND