“Wow.”
“I know. Not sure how or when it happened, but I feel different being here compared to when I visited before. I’m trying, and so is she. She’s taking me to work with her today. Said she’d like to show me what she does, the way I’ve seen what you do.” Nerves are buzzing in my stomach. “I didn’t know I had so much hope for a relationship with her.”
“Tex,” Dad says on a sigh, “of course you do. She’s your mum.”
I clear my throat. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“Enjoy it. Anyway, I’m sorry to run so soon, but we have an early start. Unless there’s something else you need?”
“No, I’m good. Just wanted to say hi. I’ll speak to you later, Dad.”
“Love you, pumpkin.”
If he loved me, he would drop that fucking nickname.
“Love you, too, Dad.”
I hang up and immediately fire a text off to Kitt.
How many days now?
His reply comes fast.
I’m going to fucking kill him.
I laugh and squeeze my phone. God, I miss him.
Sleep, rock star. I’ll speak to you tomorrow…when we’re a day closer.
I’m going off you, Tex.
No, you’re not. Love you. x
He sends back a single kiss, which makes my heart race. He doesn’t need any more than one letter to let me know how he feels.
“Everything all right?” Jennifer asks when I go back into the drawing room.
“Yeah, fine,” I reply with a smile. “Dad’s good, and so is Kitt.”
“Glad to hear it.”
I down the last of my coffee. “So, where to first?”
Her smile makes me wish we’d done this sooner. I’m not naive enough to think that one outing together will fix a lifetime of rejection and confusion, but it’s a start. I want to understand her.
Kitt lost his mum before he was old enough to even remember her. It puts things into perspective. If Jennifer and I can work out a way to have a relationship deeper than the odd phone call and short visit, then I’m all in.
“Thank you, darling. We’ll start with breakfast and shopping. Come, I know the perfect place. You’ll love the food.”
With hope in my heart, I return her smile.
KITT
SATURDAY, JULY 18
DENVER, COLORADO
I’m exhausted. Walking to my hotel room took every last ounce of energy I had left. I feel like we’ve been doing back-to-back shows for a year. It was always going to be full-on, and we chose for it to be like this, but it’s not easy.
I ache in every bone, every joint, and every muscle. My thighs feel like they’re bleeding from the inside. Not going to lie, I fucking love it, but it’s taking a toll. Thankfully, after the next two shows, we’ll have a day off.
That day will be dedicated to Texas.
It’s been much harder than I thought. I used to think people were lying when they said they didn’t have time to send a text. I thought it was an excuse because they’d had enough. But it’s not an excuse. I miss her so much that I’m constantly looking for her. She should be here. I shouldn’t have to get in this bed alone.
Chucking back the covers, I strip and get straight in. It’s four a.m., so it’s eleven a.m. for Texas. I lie down, and immediately, I’m being pulled under. My body sinks into the mattress, and my eyes feel like they’re being weighted.
Groaning, I lazily tap the screen, missing her name a few times, and call her.
Come on, pick up.
I jab my free hand into one eye and then the next.
Stay the fuck awake.
Fucking hell, I miss her calls because I’m sleeping. It’s almost midday over there.
What’s keeping her?
The phone rings again, mocking me. I click it off and growl. This sucks beyond measure. I feel her absence every second. She might as well be living on another planet. I can’t even get to her in less than ten hours, if I needed to.
Why would you need to, dick?
Tex isn’t the most independent. She’s on her own. Jennifer has never been much of a mum. The thought of Tex feeling lonely without anyone to talk to tears me to shreds. Everyone Texas holds dear and can confide in is in America.
Tomorrow, I’ll get a snotty text about how I haven’t bothered. But she won’t directly say it. Oh no, that would be far too easy.
She’ll ask what I was up to. What’ve you been up to then? She’s not asking what I’ve been up to, not really. It’s a woman’s way of saying, You’re in the shit, you prick.
With a deep sigh I feel right down to my feet, I close my eyes. I can’t call again. I don’t have the energy to force my eyelids open.
Hard work, I signed up for. I’m not afraid of it, and I never have been, but Tex is hard work on crack.
SUNDAY, JULY 19
PHOENIX, ARIZONA
“So, Kitt, can we talk about Texas?” Vanessa, the host, asks.
Even the sound of her name has my heart thumping.