His face falls, and I pretend like I’ve said too much.
I sit up straighter. “Oh God…you didn’t know.”
“You’re joking,” he says slowly, narrowing his eyes.
From the look on his face, I know he thinks I’m being serious. He grabs his phone from his pocket and starts desperately tapping on it.
Part of me hopes there really is one.
While Kitt frantically searches for his own name on Facebook, my phone rings. It’s Jodie, Filthy Sound’s manager. She usually deals with me if she’s not here because the guys are kind of forgetful and mostly always drunk. Jodie wouldn’t be caught dead on a bus. She has flights booked for each stop she’ll attend.
“Hey, what have they done?” I ask.
She laughs down the phone. “Nothing yet. I just want to check that you have the up-to-date schedule for the tour.”
“If it’s the one you sent yesterday, I do. Don’t panic. I’ll make sure they attend every engagement on time and fully dressed. Besides, Carl will be with us.”
Carl is Enigma’s manager, and he is so efficient that he makes everyone else on the planet look lazy as hell.
“The radio interview in Paris—”
“Is an early one. I got this. Believe me, I’ve already planned at least five different ways of getting them up on time.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Coop make a fist and move it back and forth, pretending it’s a blow job.
I tilt my head to the side and mouth, You wish.
“Thank you, Texas. I know Carl can handle everything in my absence, but I do appreciate your help. You have the dates where I’ll be joining you, and you can call anytime you need.”
“It’s fine, Jodie. I enjoy it. I like to help.”
“You’re a godsend, girl. I’m trying to add a few more dates when I can join you in America, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to swing it.”
“Carl and I have it covered.”
“I know. I know. Remind me to hire you! Okay, I’ve got to run. Call me if you need anything.”
“Will do. Speak soon.”
“Bye, darling.”
As much as I love Jodie, I like it when she’s not here. It gives me purpose to be able to contribute something to the tour. Plus, I really do enjoy waking them up, especially Cooper. He is not a morning person.
So far, I’ve used water, their own instruments, shaking them, and jumping on them. Tomorrow, if they’re not up, I might try screaming to watch them wake up scared and on high alert.
“What did she want?” Kitt asks.
His eyes are wide with…fear?
Every time I take a call from Jodie, he looks terrified, like he thinks she’s calling to tell us they’ve made a mistake, and the tour is off. They’ve put an obscene amount of money into this, so that’s obviously never going to happen, but he still panics.
It’s cute. Shows how much this means to him. I love seeing his passion for music. It makes me like their songs and him even more.
“Just making sure I have your schedule, and I’ll get you lazy bastards up on time.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Like I’d forget anything. The more PR shit we do, the more people will turn up at the show.” He smirks, and his eyes turn playful. “Then, the more women I get after the show.”
I feel sick.
“Right. It’s all about the women,” I say sarcastically, unable to keep the hurt from my voice.
He doesn’t flinch. His eyes keep a sparkle that’s gone from mine. At least he didn’t pick up on how his words had kicked me in the stomach.
He makes me want to run away and hide, and he doesn’t even know it.
It’s fine. You know he sleeps around. This is nothing new. Just breathe.
“Not all of it is about the women.”
“Great,” I reply tightly.
Shit. Stop it. I’m too hot, too angry, too hurt. I feel like I’m swallowing fire.
Kitt doesn’t owe me anything, so I shouldn’t let it get to me, but that’s way easier said than done. Without realising it, he hurts me so much all the time.
I take a much-needed breath and pray my stomach settles before it empties.
You. Are. Fine.
“Hey, if you ever want a go…”
A go?
My heart cracks at the casual way he asked me to let him know if I want to be another notch. I stare at him, willing myself not to cry. I can taste bile.
My God, that hurts.
There is nowhere for me to hide away either. There’s only so long you can stay in a smaller-than-a-prison-cell room before you lose it. I don’t have anywhere to go.
Looking away, I purse my lips and rub the throbbing ache in my chest.
I want him so badly, but I could never be just a shag.
One night with him, if that’s all I could ever have, would be incredible. To have his hands on my body, his lips against mine—it’s what I think about before falling asleep. It’s what I long for, right down into my fucking bones. But, damn, I would be broken when I woke up alone.