“What are you up for?” Duke’s breath washes over my face, an olfactory reminder of how high he is. I check my nerves in the hallway and bring my face to his.
“Anything,” I whisper, letting the word drawl out in a husky breath. Really, I could fall over right now with how terrified I am of my own actions. If I thought I was in over my head with Ryan, I’m not sure what I’m thinking as I lead Duke on. The smile on his face is blinding. He leads us through the kitchen, where men I’ve never met play poker. Women who are nearly naked flank their sides. One conspicuously has her hands beneath the table, and the man beside her looks like he’s having trouble focusing. I turn away quickly. It’s not much different through the rest of the house, where people have crowded into smaller groups and talk amongst themselves. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a few couples making out up against walls, or in the corner of furniture. Through the open windows in the living room, Ruby and Jim, she in his lap, entertain another group in the sun porch beyond.
We round the corner to the foyer and exit through the front door, making our way down the deck. We pass men in vests who smoke cigarettes, grope the women who stand beside them, drink straight from the bottle, and even what looks like a coordinated fight between two of the prospects, but I can’t make out who it might be.
We make it to the barn before it quiets down enough to really hear anything of substance. The closer we get to the cracked barn door, the more it smells like they’re burning sage in the barn, only wetter and sweeter. I know better than to assume they’ve lit incense to help soothe their nerves. The smoke coming from the barn is thick and stings my eyes more with every approaching step. I take another drink from the whiskey bottle and shake off the shiver that runs up my spine. Now that we’re out here, I’m less nervous than I was in Ryan’s presence.
“This is why I like you, Princess. Underneath that little girl act, you’re wild.”
Tears spring to my eyes as a flurry of emotion bursts inside of me. I barely contain the scream that wants to escape. My chest rises and falls with labored breaths. I push my body up against the front of his and whisper, “I’m no little girl.”
His arm falls from around my shoulders and cups my hip, his fingers splayed on my ass cheek. He lowers his face, his eyes darting to my lips. The energy’s changed between us, and suddenly Duke, my friend, is Duke with the piercing blue eyes and the firm grip on my ass. His fingers kneed my pliant flesh, and I press into him.
“No, you’re not,” he whispers and lowers his lips to mine. His kiss is rough and persuasive, like he’s trying to convince me of something. But I don’t need to be convinced of anything in the state I’m in. I want it all. No matter the disaster I’m going to face tomorrow, I want to enjoy the trip down the rabbit hole tonight. I open my mouth, inviting his tongue inside. I keep my eyes closed tight, trying to block out the feel of his goatee against my skin. Ryan doesn’t have a goatee, but if I focus on the way his tongue slides against mine enough, maybe I can block the differences out. I let myself drown in the idea that it’s Ryan who’s wrapped himself around me, whose dick is pressing up against my stomach, and I become greedy, needing more than he’s giving me.
He speeds the kiss up hungrily and then slows it down, withdrawing his tongue until he’s merely placing chaste kisses on my corner of my mouth.
“You taste good, Princess.” His voice is a painful reminder that it’s not Ryan here with me, that I’m self-medicating. But it’s not enough because Ryan’s in the house with that stupid bitch. His neck must look like a victim of domestic violence by now with how hard she was sucking on the skin. I wonder what else she sucks on that hard.