“No, that’s not what I mean. I fucking love you, but I don’t know how to do this and not fuck everything up at the club.”
And here it is, in terms so black-and-white that even I can’t pretend I don’t see it. He’s choosing the club over what we have. The pain from his rejection cuts me like a knife, slicing through my flesh as smooth as it would butter. I refuse to cry in front of him, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I just want him to know that I believe in us, and I’ll fight tooth and nail for there to be an us—always.
“I’m sorry,” he says as he closes in and reaches out for me.
I swat him away and beg for him to leave. Because if he stays, I’m going to cry. And today isn’t supposed to be a day of sorrow but a day of celebration.
Jeremy leaves. His absence practically suffocates me.
It doesn’t matter anymore. Because my father thinks I’m an idiot, my boyfriend doesn’t want to marry me, and every hope I had for my life has just shattered in a million little pieces. I would’ve thought something that hurts this bad would’ve come with a bigger hammer. But I guess not.
Minutes pass with me alone in Alex’s room, careful not to touch anything, just standing around and sniffling. I wish I had asked Jeremy for my car keys so I could go home, even if I know I’d get in trouble for being at the house by myself. I don’t really give a shit right now. All the men in my life are so keen on telling me what they think is best, but none of them are willing to listen to what I think is best for myself. So they can all go to hell.
“Cheyenne?” Alex says in a soft voice.
I spin around and stare at her sheepishly, then refocus my attention on her walls.
“I see you hired a professional decorator,” I say. I don’t know how to act with her, especially not right now. I formally met her once, but she’s my texting buddy, and I feel closer to her than I ever did to Tracie. And that’s saying something. She understands shit about my life that Tracie never could.
“Yeah, it’s a good thing I refused to pay him, right?” she says with a kind smile on her face. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I say sarcastically. “Jeremy just asked me to marry him a few days ago, and now, faced with Dad’s disapproval, he’s changed his mind. But I’m totally fine. Don’t worry about me,” I mutter, folding in on myself.
“Ouch,” she says, “but can I give you a piece of advice?”
No. I don’t want her advice. Alex has always encouraged me to go to school since I have the opportunity. She thinks I will regret not going, but she can’t possibly know that.
“Yeah,” I say. I want to refuse, but even I can’t figure out how to be that impolite.
“If Jeremy is willing to give up what you have so easily, then maybe that means he’s not ready for that kind of commitment just yet.”
“But I was ready,” I say. “Now I’m just pissed.”
“It’s just something to think about.”
It’s weird how we completely skipped the pleasantries and moved right into the deep stuff, but what’s even stranger is that it doesn’t feel weird at all.
“Well, I’ll be back in just a minute, okay?” Alex says hopefully. “I really want to hang out, but my mom needs one of my nonna’s recipes.”
“Oh, a recipe for what?” I ask. I’m being nosy, but I don’t know Aunt Ruby to have a mother in her life, so I can only assume this is her Italian grandmother we’re talking about. Alex has sent over enough yummy Italian dishes that I know damn well the girl can cook, so if Ruby is making Italiano, I want a piece of that.
She walks over to her dresser and reaches into the top drawer where she pulls out a small leather notebook. It has a multitude of old, yellowed papers stuffed inside. She flips through for a few pages before pulling a slip out and smiling at me. Her long brown hair cascades down her back, and her heart-shaped face almost glows. She seems truly happy, not just surface happy. I’m glad she has that, even if I kind of want to slap it off her right now.
“It’s the frosting recipe for Italian cream cake,” she says.
I’ve never eaten Italian cream cake, but it sounds delicious, so I nod my head enthusiastically and tell her to make sure I get a slice. She agrees and rushes off, yelling in the distance about finding the recipe and asking Ruby if they have all the ingredients.