“Why am I not supposed to be here?” I ask. I drag my hands slowly down his worn tee shirt beneath his cut and then let them dip to his belt where I work to undress him.
“Jeremy tell you I was here?” he asks. Through the whiskey fog he’s in, he seems to be taking my surprise arrival better than I expect he would have had he been sober.
“Why aren’t you answering my question?” I say. “Is there a reason you hid this from me?”
He reaches up and unbuttons my top slowly, but his eyes don’t leave mine.
“I got brothers doing shit in this place that I didn’t want you to see. Married men fucking two whores at a time, sadistic fuckers who get off having their dick sucked in front of their brothers. It’s crowded, not just my brothers here tonight, but a whole mess of guys from around here— some of them I don’t know, some of them I do— but I don’t trust any of them to treat you like they should.”
His honesty takes me aback. I expected some kind of macho shit about having a boys night and me minding my own business, but not this. He finishes with the last button and licks his lips at the sight of my breasts straining against the fabric of my bra.
“Because I’m your girlfriend?”
“No, Sweets,” he says on a whisper. Chills run up my spine by the intensity of his gaze. “I’m too old to have a girlfriend, but you belong to me.”
“I’m not an Old Lady,” I say. “I have to be voted in for that. I know that might not happen.”
“My brothers are going to like you. Once shit calms down, they’ll get to know you like I do. They’ll see the man I am because I have you by my side, and they’ll accept you because of that.”
“You belong to me,” I mumble. “I want everything.”
“You have everything,” he says. His hands slide down my sides and pull my jeans down to the floor. He crouches down in front of me, leans in, and places a soft kiss on my hip. Watching him, waiting for him to move next, I realize that for this to work, there can’t be anything between us. I have to tell him what I’ve done. I have to have him know everything I’m feeling and why it’s important to me that he be honest and communicative.
“I want more,” I say. He drags his stumbled jaw over my lower belly and places a kiss to my navel.
“What more could you possibly want?” Grady lifts my right leg out of my jeans and then my left. His fingers hook around the sides of my panties and he drags them down to the floor. I crouch down in front of him and get on my knees. For a moment, we just stare at one another. No matter what comes out of his mouth, I know the truth in his eyes. He’ll give me this, what I’m about to ask. He loves me and we’re solid. He isn’t like other men I’ve dated. Grady doesn’t fear what we have and he doesn’t reject it.
“I want permanency. I want a piece of you. I want to consume you the way you consume me,” I say. I slide my top off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor behind me. I reach up and remove Grady’s vest and gently place it on the bed beside us. Next is his shirt, and then I finish with his belt and let them both fall to the floor.
“I won’t make you a widow,” he says with pain in his eyes. He gives me a slight shake of his head as his hands come up to cup my face. “The shit I told you about Mancuso—that a business deal went bad—it was bullshit. The closest thing I ever had to a father died a few months ago. He was shot in the chest by one of Mancuso’s guys. There is a very real possibility that more of us will die before this is over. I won’t promise you forever when I can’t even guarantee you a year.”
“Why is this happening?” I ask, barely able to control the shake in my voice. I should have known there was more to it when that guy showed up at the school, and I should have run for the hills when he so politely left me and Mindy on a seawall. If I was smart, I would have kept my distance. But I’m not smart and I signed up for this—with him—no matter what it brings. I can’t run away now no matter how much it’s scaring me because the only thing scarier than staying amid the chaos is to leave and wade through the broken pieces of my soul.
“Because a man stole a woman’s children and thought he would never answer for that.”
“You make no sense,” I say quietly. Club business is something I’ve avoided, and honestly, would rather to keep avoiding. But his talking right now is important. He’s giving me a piece of himself that doesn’t fully belong to him—it belongs to all of them—and I’m going to be strong enough to help him shoulder the burden of his secrets.