“This nothing?” he asks with a bite to his tone. “This what you don’t want me to know about?”
I shake my head from side to side, almost in disbelief that this is happening. All day I’ve been so worried about telling him and how he’d react. All day I’ve thought it over and tried to make sense of having a baby. I’ve been searching for some sign that I can do this and I won’t fuck it up. But I’ve found nothing.
“No,” I say. It doesn’t come out pissed off and powerful like I intend. It’s a whisper, followed by a violent panic that overcomes me. He’s angrier than I expect. For the first time since I’ve known him, I’m honestly afraid of him.
“Didn’t want me to know, huh?” He asks, closing the distance between us. Less than a foot away now and the cloud of testosterone he always carries with him washes over me. “Knew you were hiding something, babe. I knew there was something you weren’t telling me—something you didn’t want me finding out about. This it?”
“I didn’t,” I begin, but he cocks an eyebrow up and leans in closer. His eyes are cold and unwavering. “Know how… to say it...”
“Jesus Christ,” he growls. “You tellin’ me the kid ain’t mine?” He pulls back a second and then slams his fist into the wall beside me. I close my eyes shut and tense up. It’s been a long time since I slept with anybody but him, so no. That’s not even a possibility. A single tear slides down my cheek. Duke growls and throws his hand into the wall again. Mistaking my reaction for confirmation, he brings a hand up to my chin and tilts my face so I’m forced to look at him. “Tell me you been fuckin’ around on me.”
“Fuck you,” I snap and shove him off of me. It does no good. He moves in and covers my body with his own. He’s got me sandwiched uncomfortably between his hard chest and the wall behind me. “I haven’t been with anybody else in months!” I use my arms to try to push him back, but he doesn’t allow it.
“Then why don’t you want me to know?” he says. His voice is gravelly as he lowers his head and rests it on top of my own.
“Because,” I begin, “I might not want this. I might not be able to do this.” I scrunch my eyes shut to stop myself from crying. The idea of not having this baby after I’ve spent the entire day thinking about it makes me want to barf. If it wasn’t Duke’s, I don’t think I’d keep it. But it is his, and this is us. But if he doesn’t want the baby?
“Might not want it? Like an abortion?” he says and pulls back. “You thinkin’ about killing our baby?” Though his voice has lowered, the anger wafts off of him in powerful waves. I go to respond, but he doesn’t give me a chance. “Not gonna happen, Nicole.”
He places his large hand on my stomach and lets his thumb make circles there. The action is so gentle and soft that I almost miss the words he’s saying. “This is my baby. You don’t want it? Fine. You can split once it’s born. But until then? I don’t give a fuck if I have to lock your ass in the clubhouse under twenty four-seven supervision until then. You don’t get to take that away from me.”
“I was scared,” I admit. Despite his threat, there’s relief in knowing that he wants this. As fucked as it is, I find solace in knowing he cares about this baby enough to go through me to make sure it’s okay. Knowing my mother and how well I’ve done with Jeremy, I need that comfort. I need to know that this kid has somebody on its side.
“Truth time,” he says and takes a step back. “This all you’re hiding?” I take a deep breath and look him in the eye. Over his shoulder is Jeremy, whose shoulders are tight. His eyes are locked on Duke. He looks so pissed off that I worry he and Duke are going to fight any moment. For all the times my brother is a shithead, I know he loves me.
“No,” I say. Better now than later on. “Darren Jennings offered to help my dad. It was stupid. I’m sorry.” I clench my fists at my sides and refuse to crumple under the weight of his stare. “But I changed my mind. I asked him to stop.”
“Club business, Nicole. Club-fucking-business. What were you thinking?” he asks and then goes off the rails, screaming and shouting about keeping my mouth shut and silence and how to be an Old Lady. He reminds me that I have no right interfering with that shit, and he throws his fist into the wall one more time—this time closer to my head.
“Shut it down. Call him and shut it the fuck down!”
“Back off, you’re scaring the shit out of her,” Jeremy screams and shoves Duke away from me. My stomach drops in fear for Jeremy’s safety, but my body won’t respond. My legs wobble, and I slide to the floor as the two wrestle toward the door.