Diesel stands from his seat and grabs Jeremy by the back of his neck, escorting him out of the clubhouse. I follow behind, and when Diesel releases Jeremy and shoves him toward the car, I give Diesel a sad smile. He grunts and says, “Got his ass beat and he still fucks it up?”
“Nah,” I say quietly, “I’m just not his girl.” Diesel shakes his head and narrows his eyes. Turning around, I reach out for Jeremy, who’s stalled in place, and tug him toward the car and then peel out like there’s no tomorrow. Grocery shopping long forgotten, I speed back toward the house and come up with a game plan. Jeremy sits in his seat in perfect silence as I drive. He doesn’t dare utter a single word until we’re a block from the house.
“Was he serious about my kneecaps?”
“Yes,” I say, unable to lie to him.
“When he says I’m going to pay for it, he means with cash, right?” Jeremy asks. “A scratch can’t cost that much to fix, right?”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head, but I don’t say anything. There’s nothing I can say. Jeremy’s fucking clueless about how much it costs to fix that scratch. Granted, I know for a fact that Duke did the work on his Harley himself and he used club tools to do it, so for him it can’t be pricey. But that’s not the point. It’s Duke’s, and somebody dared to mess up something that’s his.
Passing one ranch house after another, on a street that looks exactly the same as every other, I bite my lower lip to keep from letting the pain of knowing that after all of this, that it’s not my attitude that’s screwed it up. I just was not enough.
I’m done with the club and all of this shit. I’m done with the macho crap. I’m done with parties and hooking up. I’m just done, and I need to keep it that way. Duke can have Dawn and every other whore in this entire fucking town. I have my brother and my job, and I remind myself for the thousandth time that it’s enough. But for the thousandth time I still don’t believe it. I only have Jeremy for a little while longer, and pretty soon I might not even have my job anymore. One day I might have nothing. At least when I was a Lost Girl I had the club, in a way. But not anymore. It’s too dangerous, and everything is so fucked up. All it’s done is stress me out, and tear me apart, and make me feel like shit, so I’m done.
Chapter 10
Duke
From my position on the sofa in Jim’s living room, I can see Alex at the kitchen table. She’s hunched over a bowl of cereal, and her eyes are down. Looking down at the floor at the collection of tennis balls the dogs have dropped by my feet, I consider throwing one at her. Ever since the fourth of July party the other night, she hasn’t really spoken to me. I guess she’s upset about the finger fucking.
I don’t know why. Her tight as fuck pussy practically broke my finger with how hard she came. Wasn’t right though, but it had to be done.
“Hey asswipe,” Ian says and throws a roll of toilet paper at my head. I narrowly dodge it and turn to give him a disgruntled look. I cast the toilet paper roll a sideways glance and dart my eyes across the room to look at Jim.
“Do you get the sudden urge to wipe your ass while watching TV?” I ask.
“Mom’s run us out of tissues,” Ian says somberly. I nod my head thoughtfully and rub my hands together.
“Still?”
“She feels guilty about Michael,” Jim mutters. Unfortunately, there’s no way around that. When Jim called Church and sat us down, telling us what was going on and asking the club what he did, I couldn’t fucking believe it. I still can’t fucking believe it. The shit we pulled off in Brooklyn to get Alex away from her father and out of danger was crazy, and all that time I spent on babysitting duty really fucked things up for me with Nic—not that I didn’t manage to fuck that shit up on my own again later.
Pumping Mancuso’s house full of bullets was a highlight. If the trip wasn’t so personal it might have been enjoyable. But it is personal. Princess isn’t my family in the way she’s Ian and Jim’s, but she’s Forsaken whether she wants to be or not, and that means something. She was Forsaken the moment Ruby made Jim promise that he’d always keep her children safe, and she’ll be Forsaken even when she’s old and gray and wants nothing to do with us anymore. And even though I voted against it and I was completely fucking pissed that Jim even asked us to risk so much for Ruby’s kid, I don’t regret it. It just took me a little while to remind myself what it means to be a part of this club.
It means I never have to stand alone again.
“No way around that,” I say quietly. I cast a quick glance at Alex. She’s still slowly shoveling cereal into her mouth with her eyes fixated on the table. I look back at Ian to find that he’s also looking at Alex. He almost looks like he’s in pain somehow. Both Ian and Alex have the same widow’s peak at the center of their forehead, which they inherited from their mother. I would have thought that he’d be relieved to have his sister here, but it seems to be fucking him up more than anything. I grab the toilet paper roll and throw it back at him and ask, “You talk to her?”