“Alcohol,” she said and I laughed.
“Anyway, he’d been out all day with Bodhi and when he brought Bodhi home, Bodhi went right to bed. I was having a glass of wine and I offered him one. One glass led to the next and he was being his regular charming self, and the next thing I knew, his hand was on my knee. I knew what he wanted and…”
I waited as she collected her thoughts. She looked over at me.
“I knew it was a terrible idea, but I still liked the way he made me feel. It’s crazy, but that’s how it was. It’s been a long time since I felt desired and attractive. Part of it’s my own fault, of course. It’s not like I’ve really put myself out there in the last year and a half. I’ve gone on a few dates and the guys were nice, but I figured out pretty quickly that I wasn’t ready to start another relationship. Which meant that when they called a second time, I always put them off. Sometimes, I wish I were the type of person who could sleep around without feeling guilty or like I’m a tramp, but I’m not wired that way. I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
“Wait, I thought there was this guy in college once…”
“That doesn’t count,” she said with an airy wave. “I have erased that evening from my memory, so it never happened.”
“Ah,” I said.
“Anyway, David started to kiss my neck, and part of me was thinking Oh, why the hell not? Fortunately, I came to my senses. On the plus side, he handled the rejection gracefully. No temper tantrums, no argument. Just a shrug and sigh, like I was the one who was really going to be missing out.” She shook her head. “And I can’t believe I just told you all that.”
“It’s no big deal. If it makes you feel better, I probably won’t remember it. The tornado of emotions I’m living in is wreaking havoc with my memory.”
“May I ask a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“What about London?”
“That’s more complicated,” I admitted. “For now, Vivian thinks it’s best that London stay with me since she’s traveling so much and hasn’t had time to get her place set up. But she was pretty clear that after that, she wants London to move to Atlanta.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t want her to go… but I also know that she needs her mom.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s something we’ll be discussing. To be honest, I don’t know anything about this entire process.”
“Have you spoken to an attorney yet?”
“No,” I said. “She didn’t mention divorce until yesterday. And before that, I was in no condition to do much of anything.”
By then, I could see the clubhouse in the distance. I wasn’t sure how far we’d walked, but we’d been out there for over an hour. My stomach gurgled.
Emily must have heard it. “Are you hungry? Why don’t we grab a bite to eat?”
“I don’t think we’re dressed for the country club.”
“We’ll sit in the bar area. It’s casual. It’s where golfers end up after they finish their rounds.”
As much as the walk with Emily had felt necessary, having lunch—just the two of us, at the club—made me feel as though I was crossing a boundary of sorts. I was still married. Vivian and I weren’t even legally separated. Hence, this was wrong.
And yet…
The other side of the equation was obvious, even to me. What would Vivian say to me if she found out? That I was crossing a line? That rumors would start?
I cleared my throat. “Lunch sounds great.”
The clubhouse was imposing and somewhat stuffy on the outside, but the interior had been recently renovated and was lighter and airier than I’d expected. Windows lined two of the walls, offering a spectacular view of the eighteenth hole. I spotted a foursome making their way to the putting green as Emily pointed to a table in the corner, one of the few that wasn’t already occupied.
“How about over there?” she said.
“Fine.”
I followed her to the table, my eyes drifting lower to the once-familiar contours of her legs, glad she was in shorts. They were tan and lean, the kind of legs that had always caught my eye.
After we sat, she leaned across the table. “I told you we wouldn’t be underdressed. That group just came in from the tennis courts.”
“I didn’t notice,” I said. “But good to know.”
“Have you ever eaten here?”
“Once, in the dining room. Jesse Peters has a membership here and we met with a client.”
“I see him every now and then. Or used to anyway. I would catch him staring at me.”
“That sounds like him.”
“Oh, if you’re interested, the burger here is out of this world,” she said. “The chef actually won a burger competition on one of those shows on the Food Network. It comes with some amazing sweet potato fries.”
“I haven’t had a burger in a long time,” I said. “Is that what you’re getting?”
“Of course.”
I couldn’t help noting that Vivian would never have ordered a burger, nor would she have approved if I’d ordered one.
The waitress came by with menus, but Emily shook her head. “We’re both getting the burgers,” she said. “And I’d like a glass of Chardonnay.”
“Make it two,” I said, surprising myself. Of course, the whole afternoon had been bewildering to that point, but in a good way. Emily, I noticed, was gazing out the window, toward the putting green before she turned back to me.
“I guess our children are done with art class by now. What do you think London is doing?”
“Vivian probably took her out to lunch. As for what’s next, I have no idea.”
“Didn’t she tell you?”
“No,” I said. “Our lunch on Friday was a little tense, so we didn’t get around to discussing their plans.”
“They were tense with David, too, for a long time. It’s just a hard and awful thing for anyone to live through, even if it has to be done. And only people who’ve gone through it can understand how terrible it really is.”
“That’s not very encouraging,” I said.
“It’s true, though. There’s no way I could have made it without the support of some really good friends. I probably talked to both Marguerite and Grace on the phone two or three hours a week—maybe more, in the beginning. And what was strange was that prior to my divorce, I wasn’t particularly close to either of them. But I ended up leaning on them, and they were always there to prop me up when I needed it.”
“They sounds like lifesavers.”
“They are. To this day, I’m not sure why they were there for me the way they were. And I’m guessing that you’ll probably need the same thing—two or three people that you can really talk to. It was strange—I thought that my sister Jess or Dianne, who was probably my best friend at the time, would be my stalwarts. But it didn’t work out that way.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s hard to describe, but Marguerite and Grace always knew how to say the right thing at the right time, in just the right way. Jess and Dianne didn’t. Sometimes, they offered advice I didn’t want to hear, or they questioned whether I was doing the right thing when what I really needed was reassurance.”
Considering this, I wondered who I would lean on. Marge and Liz, obviously, but they sort of counted as one person. I already knew my mom would get too emotional, and my dad wouldn’t know what to say. As for friends, it dawned on me that I didn’t really have any. Between work and my family, I’d let most of my friendships wilt on the vine in the years since London was born.
“Marge and Liz have been great,” I said.
“I figured they would be. I always liked Marge.”
The feeling is mutual, I thought.
The waiter delivered two glasses of wine. Emily reached for her glass. “We should make a toast,” she said. “To Marge, Liz, Marguerite, Grace, Bodhi, and London.”
“The kids, too?”
“Bodhi was the real reason I didn’t fall apart. Because of him, I couldn’t. It’ll be the same with London.”
I knew she was right as soon as she said it. “All right. But then, I feel like I have to put you in there, too. You’ve been pretty supportive so far.”