My stomach clenched, and I hurried to the bathroom, going in record time and jumping back on to his bed all within under a minute. I hoped that this talk went well because I was already anticipating what was coming next.
“So….” I looked at Justin, not sure where to even begin. So much had happened to bring us to this point. As I stared into his gray eyes that were boring into mine so intently, it was hard to remember exactly what those things were.
“Della, let me just start.” He dropped down onto the bed next to me, scooping up my hand to lace his fingers through mine. “I never meant to hurt you. Ever. When things first started between us, I had no clue what we were doing. I’d never been in a real relationship before, because I never felt the need to be. I was having fun. I knew that you didn’t want anything serious either, for whatever reason, so it worked out well. But then, I started having these feelings for you that I couldn’t explain. They freaked me the hell out.” He paused and took a breath.
I knew what part was coming next but that didn’t stop me from wanting to cover my ears to block out the words. They were the words that I was never supposed to hear in the first place, and I’m not sure if I ever would have.
“So, I thought maybe if I got you out of my system, maybe things would go back to normal. And that’s when….” He trailed off, and I turned away, blinking my eyes rapidly to keep the tears from spilling. He cleared his throat loudly. “And that’s when I hooked up with that girl.”
My stomach dropped, him saying the actual words to me this time, possibly hurting even worse than when I originally overheard them. I tried to pull my hand from his, but he wasn’t letting his hold up.
“I need you to hear me out, Della. I know I fucked things up when I did that. Royally. Anyway, that right there was what sealed the deal for me. I wasn’t going back to being the old me, because I couldn’t. Because having you in my life made it so much better, and that’s when I decided things between us couldn’t just be casual, couldn’t just be a simple fling or whatever the hell we agreed on when we first started things up.”
He squeezed my hand, and I took a deep breath, pushing out the thoughts of that other girl. I needed to get over that. Yes, he screwed up, but I was the one that told him I didn’t want things to be serious between us. I mean, at the same time Nash had been going back and forth between Mariah and me, and while I didn’t let anything happen between the two of us, I guess it was sort of the same thing. That didn’t mean that I had to enjoy the fact that he slept with some other girl.
“So, when I told you I wanted something more between us to happen, I meant it. It wasn’t from guilt or anything else. I wanted you to be mine and I wanted to be yours. I never wanted either one of our pasts to affect our future. And that’s where I messed up. I should’ve told you the truth, but I can’t go back and change that now. So, I’m asking if you can forget the past. If you can give us another chance, because I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
It sounded like a pretty damn good idea to me, but I was stubborn. I couldn’t give in so easily and let him think he won. That just wasn’t me. Plus, I needed to clear up a few more things. “What about everything else, Justin?” I whispered.
He scrubbed his free hand over his face, frowning. “You mean how I was a dumbass, believing every lie that Mia was feeding me?”
“Exactly. I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“I was pissed, Della. Angry at you for moving on with Nash, and forgetting about me, forgetting everything that we had. And then you showed up at my dad’s funeral.” His voice shook slightly, his dad’s accident still so fresh.
I felt guilty for not asking how he was dealing with not having his father around. I knew how much his dad had been involved in his life. He had such a good relationship with his parents, and I was jealous of that fact. Sure, my grandparents were great and awesome to have, but that was different. I was getting along with my mom, as much as I could I guess, and my dad was there to talk to, but hardly around physically. We would never have the same kind of closeness I witnessed between Justin and his parents.
I reached my hand up, smoothing it across his cheek, and he gripped it tightly before bringing it to his lips and gently kissing each finger. “I was shocked that you were there. I was happy for a second that you were, but then I remembered that we weren’t together, that you were with Nash. So, I got pissed. I treated you like shit, and then I showed up at Shorty’s, just to torture you some more. I know it was an asshole move, Della. And all I can say is that I’ll never treat you like that again. So, do you think we can put this behind us? And move forward?”