“How can you see my face? It’s pitch black in here.”
“I just can. Why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking?”
“Can you see in the dark?” Now her eyes were narrowed.
“I’ll answer you when you answer me.”
Jess hesitated, and in her hesitation I saw more unhappiness. My chest constricted with dread.
But then she said, “My Aunt Louisa…she was my mother.”
Before I had an opportunity to process these words her face crumpled and she sucked in a breath. Tears and sobs soon followed. Jessica flung herself down on me and I automatically wrapped her in my arms. I was confused. But once I sorted out what she’d said, I was mostly astonished.
“She was your mother?”
Jess nodded, burrowing herself against my neck.
“How long have you known?”
“Just found out last Thursday,” came her muffled response.
I cursed, holding her tighter, my chest again constricting. I wasn’t one for regrets, but if I could have rewound the last week and done everything over, I would have.
“I’m so sorry. I should have… I’m so sorry.”
She shook her head and pulled away, sniffling. “No. No it’s fine. Really. It’s just—”
“I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve gone to Texas for the funeral.”
She continued as though I hadn’t spoken or she hadn’t heard me. “It’s just, I don’t know why she never told me, you know? She gave me to her sister, treated me like an employee every time I visited—which, technically, I was, I know that—but I don’t understand why she didn’t want me to know until it was too late.”
“What does Mrs. James say? Or the Sheriff?”
Jessica’s eyes came back to mine and she wiped a tear from her cheek, her lips pressing in to a wobbly smile. “My daddy says it changes nothing. He says I’m his, have been since the day I was born and he held me.”
Though it was a strange thing to remark upon while naked in bed with Jessica under the man’s roof, I said, “I’ve always liked Sheriff James.”
She nodded, then continued, “Momma says that Louisa never gave her a reason. One day, Louisa called and said she was pregnant, said she wanted to give the baby up for adoption, but wanted to check with her first to see if she wanted me.”
“And your momma and the Sheriff wanted you.”
“Yes. They did. And Momma says Louisa never wanted to talk about it, about me.” She heaved a watery breath. “My birth mother didn’t want me, and when she was alive she…she made me feel so inferior. Is it wrong that I’m so sad about this? Is it strange that it hurts so much?”
I shook my head, cupped her cheeks between mine, and gave her a firm kiss before responding. “No. It’s not wrong. Our situations aren’t the same, but I might as well have been a goat to my father.”
Jessica half laughed, half sighed. “Duane—”
“It’s true. All us kids were property to him. He didn’t want us, except when he did. I know a thing or two about being left, discarded. But I’ve had my whole life to grow accustomed to it.”
Even in her sadness Jessica grew fierce and angry. “Your daddy is a pathetic excuse for a human being, not worth your time or thought. If he couldn’t see how amazing you are then he should be horsewhipped, then covered in paper cuts and lemon juice, then shot, then—”
“Hey now, Annie Oakley, settle down.” I slipped my fingers through her hair, and brought her cheek back to my chest. “All I’m saying is that you get to live through this however you decide. There’s no right or wrong.”
She nodded and heaved a full breath. “I don’t know if I want her money. It feels like a payoff.”
Her words settled around us, both heavy and light, making me frown and smile. She was so stubborn.
“If you want my vote, I think you should take the money.”
“Hrumph.”
My smile widened. “Just because it came from bad beginnings, doesn’t mean it can’t be put to good use.”
“How about, I’ll only take it if you agree to spend it with me.”
“Nice try, Jess.”
She shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”
We were silent for a stretch. Though we were two people, in that moment we were really one unit. We were unified. I didn’t like Jess having this new sorrow, but I was glad to help. Maybe it was selfish on my part, but I liked that she needed me.
As though reading my thoughts, Jess kissed my chest and said on a sigh, “You know you’re essential to me now, right? There’s no escape, Duane Winston.”
“Good.”
I felt her small smile, still a bit sad, against my skin. “Do you promise? Do you promise you’ll always take my calls? Do you promise you’ll always be there for me when I need you?”
“Yes,” I responded straightaway.
“No matter what?”
“No matter what or when. I promise.”
With that said, Jessica settled. She relaxed. She fell asleep.
And so did I.
CHAPTER 29
“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters most, in the end.”
― Ernest Hemingway
Jessica