Thunderstruck (Ramsey Security #1)

Her expression bothers me. Everything bothers me suddenly, and I know why now. I am falling in love with this woman, but I don't know what she's feeling or thinking.

"This isn't a job anymore," I say. "It hasn't been since the moment I saw you. I tried to stay focused on the assignment, but you're you. I can't see anything else."

"I know," she says, smiling easily.

"No, you don't. You know how to be close. You have Shelley and her kids. I only have Minka. With her, I always knew she might leave me. Maybe she'd get sick of working together or she'd find a man. I always expected to be alone and I was okay with being alone. I can't do that now."

Darla blinks a few times, and I know she's nervous. She needs me to be strong so she can be strong. Right now though, I don't feel strong. I feel like a scared fucking kid.

"When Locke is dead and the job is over, I'm not done with us. I don't plan to walk away. You understand that, right?"

"Yes."

"Just yes?" I ask, thinking about how we fell together so easily. Of course, we did. Darla needs to feel safe, and I give her that feeling. She needs someone. How soon until she'll want someone who fits her life better? She could find a boring guy like Vernon with no sexy best friend or blood on his hands. Darla will say she's sorry and thank me for helping her when she was down. Then she'll walk away and never look back.

Darla shuffles away from me. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Have you ever been in love? Do you know what it feels like for the other person not to feel the same way?"

Eyes darting everywhere as if searching for an escape, Darla balls her hands into fists.

"I don't know why you're saying these things."

"I dreamed of my mom last night for the first time in probably a decade. I'm not stupid. I know why I'm thinking of her. She was selfish and left me. I'm worried you're going to leave me too."

"Why would I leave?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

Darla stares at me horrified. I don't know why she's so afraid. When she backs away and flinches when I follow, I suddenly see myself in her eyes. Large and angry, I'm a man capable of taking a life without a second thought.

"You think I'd hurt you?" I ask in a rough voice. "You're playing with my heart, but I'm the scary one."

"I'm not playing with shit," she growls, a jolt of rage filling her eyes where the fear once lingered. "You had a bad dream. Why are you angry at me?"

"You won't need me when this job is over."

"Good. I don't want to need you like I do now. That's what Doctor Parker thinks. Maybe Shelley too. They believe I only want you because you protect me. They're wrong. I want you because you're funny and gentle and hot as hell. You make me horny like no other guy ever has. You also piss me off when you accuse me of causing your bullshit."

Wearing a tight smile on my face, I run my hands through my hair. "Love sounds nice, but it's some scary shit."

"Not all hearts and poems, huh?" she says, relaxing her hands. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Why?"

Protecting my feelings, Darla doesn't answer. I lean against the kitchen island and sigh loudly.

"These are just words, and you can choose to believe them or not. I want you to know that I will never raise a hand to you. I'm a killer, but I don't kill out of rage. I don't lose my temper and lash out. You can piss me off and make me crazy. You can tear me apart and break my heart, but I will never hurt you. I'm not a monster."

"I know," she says softly, stepping closer. "I do know what kind of man you are, and my heart trusts you won't hurt me. My head doesn't always remember where I am and who I'm with, if that makes sense. I forget and revert to fear because it's comfortable."

Inching closer to her, I study her face. "You know I love you."

"I do now."

Grinning like an idiot, I sigh again. "I guess I should have said it better."

"Why?" she asks, taking my hand. "Why do things have to be all sappy and romantic? Why can't they just be?"

"I do love you."

"I love you too. When Doctor Parker tried to crap on us being together, I knew I couldn't walk away."

"Loving you didn't scare me until I thought about losing that."

"I'm afraid too," she says, blinking back tears. "You could get bored of me. Or sick of me. I'm not exactly the pick of the litter."

"You're gorgeous, and I'm shallow. You're tough, and I like chicks who push back when I'm an asshole. You like the quiet, and I need quiet too," I say, wrapping her in my arms. "I'm not blind either. I see you pushing yourself for me. Not taking a pill here or flashing me those sexy forearms. When you do those things, I want to give you the world."

"Are you mad that I took a Valium last night?"

"Not mad. Only worried I'm pushing you too hard."

"You are pushing me too hard."

Frowning, I kiss her forehead. "I'm an impatient man. I want Locke dead yesterday, and for you to feel safe. I forget the world doesn't bow to my fucking will."

Darla stares up at me. "I might never feel safe or be healthy again. Killing Locke is great because he's an evil shit, but there's no easy fix for me."