I wanted to call my mom, wanted to tell her what I knew and ask her all the questions piling up in my mind. Why did you lie? Who am I? But I couldn’t, not yet. I didn’t want to say the words out loud, didn’t want to make it real. I’d never felt anything like this, betrayed, angry, scared, ashamed, and terrified. These were the men who’d hurt my mom and my aunts, who’d kept them trapped for days.
I’d tried to look around the barn, but Theo kept coming in to check on me. There seemed to be a couple of barns and some outbuildings. I didn’t know how I’d be able to search them. I hadn’t seen Gavin yet and didn’t know if he was working somewhere on the ranch that day.
Riley came by, leaned his arms on top of the stall door, and looked over at me.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I arranged my hands on the shovel so he couldn’t see my fingers.
I kept working but snuck another look at his face. We had different noses but we were both fair-skinned, and our mouths were exactly the same, his lips maybe a little thinner. It was like looking in a distorted mirror where everything that was familiar now seemed twisted. I’d wondered if my real father had other children, had thought about sitting up late with big cups of tea, getting to know each other, marveling at all the things in common, laughing at the same jokes.
I didn’t want to know Riley. I wanted to walk away, never see him again.
“If you need to go to the bathroom, there’s one in my dad’s office. Or you can just go behind the barn.” He laughed. “That’s what we all do.”
“Okay.” There was no way I was going near his dad’s office again—it was easier to think of him as Riley’s father. Not mine. He’d never be mine. I kept shoveling, but Riley didn’t leave.
“Sorry if we freaked you out last night,” he said.
“It’s all right.”
“We’re going to a party later if you want to hang out.”
I stopped. “Listen, I have a boyfriend—”
“I’m not hitting on you. I have a girlfriend.”
“Lucky her.” I started shoveling again.
He laughed, then glanced around like he was making sure no one was listening. “We’ve got a keg, and Noah’s parents are away.” He dropped his voice. “Don’t say anything to my dad—he’ll kick my ass.”
He seemed sort of embarrassed, his face flushed. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be mean, wanted to tell him I didn’t give a crap about his dad, but I couldn’t afford to piss Riley off, didn’t want him to know anything was going on. And the truth was, none of this was his fault.
“Your dad gives you a hard time?”
“Yeah, you could say that.” He shrugged. “Parents, what can you do? You just live with it until you can get the hell out. You’re lucky you can just do whatever you want now, and go wherever. One more year and I’m gone.”
So he was probably seventeen, the same age as me, and I remembered that he thought I was eighteen. I wondered when he was born, how close in age we really were, how his dad had met his mom. Who would want to get involved with a guy like Brian? Didn’t anyone know how dangerous he and Gavin were?
“You don’t have to stay working on the ranch?”
“He wants me to, but I’ve got other plans.” He had his chin held up high, his face kind of angry, but I could tell he was trying to act tough. “So you feel like coming out and meeting some friends or what?”
“Thanks, maybe another time. I’m pretty tired. City girl, you know.”
He smiled. “Did you find a place to sleep last night?”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t going to share where, in case I slept there again tonight.
He pointed down the hill toward the second driveway. “There’s a creek down that way, if you want to clean up or whatever. It’s on our property, just look for the side road off River Bottom Road before you get to our driveway and go through the gate. It’s rough, but your car should make it.”
“Thanks.”
“Well, see you around.”
*
In the afternoon Theo got me to hose down all their tractors and equipment, scrubbing the caked dirt, grease, and manure off. After I was finished I walked slowly back to my car, hot, sweaty, and exhausted—I’d thought I was physically fit but this had used all new muscles. I was so hungry I felt faint. Theo had paid me some cash for the day’s work and I planned on getting some food as soon as possible. I was almost at my car, which was still parked in front of Brian’s office trailer, when a door slammed shut and a young girl wearing gardening gloves came out of the house. Tall and willowy, with long black hair that curled all around her face, she looked about twelve or thirteen. She looked so much like me at that age I couldn’t help staring at her. And she was giving me a curious look.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
“Are you lost?”
“No, I’m working here.”
She came forward a couple of steps, leaned on a post. “What’s your name?”
“Skylar. I’m friends with Riley.”
“I haven’t seen you before. You friends from school?”
“No, we just met.”
Brian came out of his office and I wondered if he’d been watching from the side window.
“Megan, you finished all your chores?” His voice was stern.
“No, Dad.” She went right back inside.
Brian gave me another friendly smile and a nod of his head, but his eyes were cold. I got into my car and drove out of there.