“Can I help you?”
He looked a lot like Riley, though his curly dark hair was shorter and had some silver in it. But his mouth and his eyes were the same, and I had that weird familiar feeling again, like I’d met him before. Had I? Then I got it.
He had my eyes, the same dark, almost black eyes that looked back at me every time I looked in the mirror.
No.
I stared at him, taking in all the pieces, moving them around. They slid into place, a tight fit.
He sat there, leaning back, so casual. His right hand rested on top of his desk, fingers tapping impatiently. His pinkie was curved.
There wasn’t a Billy, not a summer fling with a blond-haired boy who liked skateboards and reading. None of that had happened. There was this. My father.
“You all right?” he said, frowning.
“I…” I needed to think. Needed to be alone and cry. Needed to get the hell out of there, but I couldn’t walk out now. “It’s the heat. I’m not used to it.”
He nodded. “It’s a hot one today.”
I had to say something else, had to remember why I was there.
“Your son, Riley, said you might have some work for me.” How could I still be talking, sounding so normal?
The phone rang on the desk. “Excuse me for a sec.” He picked it up, said, “This is Brian.” He arranged to trailer a horse for someone, then hung up.
“You from Cash Creek?” His eyes were narrowed, like he was trying to figure out if he’d seen me before. I had the panicky thought that he might recognize me, but told myself there was no way he’d put that together just by looking at me. I curled my hands in my pocket, pushed them in deeper.
I decided to be honest, in case he asked something I couldn’t explain. “I’m from Vancouver.”
“You eighteen?”
“Yeah. Riley said you can pay me in cash.”
“You run into trouble?” He was playing with a pen on his desk, clicking and unclicking it, the sound seeming to echo in the little room.
“Sort of. I got robbed.” I remembered my plan of not making myself sound too vulnerable. “I just need a couple days’ work so I can meet up with my boyfriend.” I thought of Lacey’s story. “He’s waiting for me in Revelstoke.”
He stood up and I realized how tall he was, definitely over six feet. He wasn’t overweight but his arms in his T-shirt were heavily muscled like someone who’d worked hard all day for years. I tried not to think about him grabbing my mom and my aunts, throwing them down.… He came around and sat on the edge of the desk, gave me another measuring look. I wanted to step back, put space between us, but I didn’t want him to know how scared I was.
“You ever work on a ranch before?”
“No, but I used to work at a gym. So I’m really strong.”
“Well, if you want to give it a try, talk to my ranch hand, Theo—he’s in the barn. Just walk down behind the house. He might have something for you.”
“Great, thanks.”
He gave me a friendly smile. “You have a good day, now.”
*
I looked at my car as I walked by. I could just get in and drive home, pretend it had never happened. Nothing had changed. Mom and Dallas would make a police report about Crystal. They’d find her. Then I saw the flash of sun reflecting off the CD I’d tossed onto the car floor. Crystal needed me.
Theo, an older man in his fifties or so, with gray hair, laughed at my sandals, then found some gumboots in the barn for me. I tried to smile back, worried that he’d be able to see my heart thumping right through my chest, that he’d sense something was wrong. I was having a hard time following his instructions, my thoughts pulling all over the place. I watched his mouth move.
I’d never cleaned out a barn before, never pushed a wheelbarrow, and I learned fast not to load it up too much. I got used to the manure smell. It was hard work—my hand broke out in blisters, my back and arm muscles ached. My bare feet in my boots were sweaty and the heels rubbed with every step.
I kept getting flashes of Brian’s face, his voice, his curved finger and dirty hands. I felt like part of me was cleaning the stalls and the other part was standing outside watching, surprised that my muscles were still working. I couldn’t believe I was in that town, on that ranch, cleaning a barn while the man who raped my mother was a few hundred feet away. Sometimes I felt dizzy from the thoughts and had to stop and lean against the railing.