“Except truly love me in the way a man should love a woman,” she replied coldly. “Except kiss me.”
“Does that even matter? I am yours in every other way. I have chosen you, and I would again. If only I could make my heart obey what my brain knows so clearly. I have tried and tried. I don’t want to lie to you. I care about you too much. Dinah… please understand… you are my best friend. My Queen.”
There was a deep truth to his words, and yet, Dinah felt she couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore. Tears were flooding her vision, and a retching sob was making its way up her throat. She took a deep breath. “I need you to leave. Now. Please, Wardley.”
“Dinah, no—”
“I COMMAND it. Please, leave me.” She gave him a pleading look, a tear dripping down her face. Her voice was barely a whisper. “Please, Wardley, please do me this kindness.”
Wardley’s face contorted with a misery almost as terrible as the heartache she felt. He gave her the softest of kisses on her cheek and turned away from her, making his way to the edge of the clearing. “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow morning as we ride north.” He stared at her, his face wrenched with guilt, before disappearing into the bramble.
Dinah waited until she couldn’t hear his footsteps before collapsing into tears. An empty hopelessness overtook her, and she lay beside the pool, barely breathing through the ache. The thought of being with Wardley had kept her alive all those cold nights in the Twisted Wood, all those warm afternoons in Hu-Yuhar. She had always envisioned him sitting on the throne beside her, his hand in hers as they led Wonderland into a glorious and peaceful future. Now, there was nothing, only blackness and despair. She gladly gave herself over to the sorrow. It washed over her, a wave of anguish and rejection, and she let herself drown in the feeling, glad to feel anything.
For hours, she lay beside the pool, her heart throbbing over each word he had said. She sobbed and screamed, she raked the dirt with her fingers and let her dagger tremble over her neck for a few seconds before flinging it away. When the night finally settled around her, she heard someone calling her name. Wardley? She listened again. No. Sir Gorrann. With trembling hands, Dinah pushed herself to her knees and splashed the clear water of the pool on her face. Opening her black eyes, she stared at herself, hardly recognizing the face in the reflection. The girl she had been was gone. She had left Wonderland Palace an idealist, a naive girl who dreamed of an easy crown and ruling beside a man who would understand and love her heart. Their days would be filled with praise and their nights with perpetual passion, wrapped inside each other.
Now a jilted woman stared back at her, a forgotten child, a bitter warrior. The ends of her black braid dripped in the pool, the remnant of her childhood, this long black hair, her mother’s hair. And yet, even when her mother had everything—a crown, a husband, children, and all the riches of Wonderland Palace—she had been unhappy. She could never truly be with the man she loved. Just like Dinah. But unlike her mother, Dinah would not lie down and die. Unlike Davianna, Dinah would have to fight for her crown. Hands trembling, Dinah picked up her dagger where it lay buried in a nearby log and walked over to the pool. With two short tugs, she was able to cut off most of her hair, so that it hit her right at the chin. Without a second thought, Dinah tossed her braid into the pool and turned to meet Sir Gorrann, who ran up to her, his eyes filled with concern, his voice raining curses down on her that she didn’t hear. The pain was still alive inside of her, consuming and insatiable. She was rejected and desperate, filled with a new fury, this one dangerously ferocious. She was filled with a longing for destruction, a need to empty herself of all this sadness. He gave her a hard shake, and Dinah’s glossy eyes finally connected with his.
“Yer Highness! Dinah! What’s happened?”
Her lips trembled into an ironic smile. “He doesn’t want me. After all this time.”
Sir Gorrann’s eyes filled with empathy and he let Dinah lean against him. “I’m sorry, Yer Grace. Come on, let’s get you back to your tent.”
She felt raw inside, stripped, and she followed without thought. Only the anger was left behind, and it was a raging current, Dinah helpless in its flow. She let Sir Gorrann help her through the bramble back to where Morte waited for her. He pawed the ground impatiently until she mounted him. With a click of her tongue, they were flying over the landscape, leaving Sir Gorrann trailing far behind. She felt something shift inside of her. With each pound of Morte’s hooves, she felt her sadness turning to anger. Her rage was boiling over, spilling out until she seethed with fury. If she could not have him, she would at least have a crown.
If she could not quench the fire burning within her, she would set Wonderland ablaze.
The Fury, the final volume in the Queen of Hearts trilogy, coming soon.
Acknowledgments