She reached for his hand. “I promise I haven’t been sneaking around. I only know who’s involved. I asked some questions. It wasn’t hard to draw conclusions.”
“Don’t go around asking any more questions, all right?” Alex said, shaking his head. “People will think I’ve told you more than I should have. Both of us could get in trouble.”
“Well, maybe we can get around that,” she said, excitement rising again. “What if I came with you?”
“Came with me where?”
“To the southern border, where you’re going to train.”
Alex leapt to his feet. “Another piece of information you forgot to mention you had!”
“Alex, calm down!” she said. “Norsari have to be trained first, and all the maps of southern Demora are missing from the library. It’s obvious.” She’d noticed the maps were missing when she’d gone looking for one herself, to coordinate with the places she and Clare were reading in the trade agreements. As for her work with the documents themselves, mentioning them didn’t seem like a good idea now. Nor did the fact that she’d already told the queen everything she’d concluded.
“Obvious to you, maybe.” He crossed his arms. “The answer is no. Absolutely not.”
She’d expected hesitance, but the finality in his voice surprised her. “Alex, women travel with the army all the time.”
“Not this time.”
“I know you’ll be moving fast, but I can keep up,” she said.
“I know you can. That’s not the issue.” Alex didn’t move from where he stood looking down at her.
“Then why not?”
“Don’t you have responsibilities here?”
“Yes, but it’s only for a few weeks.” The queen would be glad to let her go if Sage could serve as her eyes. She sat up on her knees and raised her hands in appeal. “And I can help. You’ll be living mostly off the land. I’m sure your soldiers are already good at hunting, but I could teach trapping—”
“No.”
“—and edible plants—”
“I said no.”
“—and herb medicine. Even fowling if you want to bring—”
“Dammit, Sage. NO!” he yelled.
She shrank back a little. Alex had never raised his voice to her before. Not even the times he was angry with her for snooping around dressed as a maid or for letting Clare leave her alone with Duke D’Amiran for a few minutes. He hadn’t trusted her to know which risks were worth taking. Of course, it had been difficult to know when she’d been left out of so much.
Which meant as much as she’d learned about this mission, there was far more she didn’t know.
“This is my world,” Alex said, drawing a long, shaky breath. “You don’t understand it.”
It was Tegann all over again. “I’ll never understand your world if you keep me out of it!”
“There are some things you don’t need to understand.”
“Alex, just hear me out!”
“Sage.” He knelt in front of her and took her face in his hands. “I’m not discussing this. The answer is no.”
He wouldn’t listen. He didn’t even want to listen. She twisted her head out of his hands, tears rolling unchecked down her cheeks. Alex reached out to wipe them away, but Sage leaned back before he could touch her. He sighed.
“This isn’t about you,” he said softly.
She rubbed her face with her sleeve and refused to look at him. “Don’t you have a meeting?”
A long spell of silence stretched out between them. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked.
No. “Yes.”
Alex sighed again and stood. “All right.” He paused at the wall of leaves. “Will you be here later?”
“I doubt it.”
“I’ll check anyway. Just in case.” He pushed the willow branches aside, letting in a flood of light from the moon and a few torches in the garden. “I love you, Sage.”
Then the light was gone and so was he.
*
Sage didn’t know how long she sat there, trying to decide which she hated more: that Alex had refused to even consider letting her come, or that she’d reacted by pouting like a spoiled Concordium bride.
He was lying when he said it wasn’t about her. He’d admitted she could keep up, and the way he cut her off when she pointed out everything she could bring to the mission proved he knew all that, too. By not allowing her to make her case, he didn’t even have to make his—which meant his reasons were weak or inadmissible.
If they were weak, then she’d effectively beaten his argument. If they were inadmissible, it meant the mission was far more than anyone suspected. Either way, she was desperate to go along now, but there was no way in if Alex said no.
Unless.
Sage pushed to her feet and straightened her dress. A few seconds later she was on the garden path, headed for the private quarters of the royal family. The hour was late, but the queen would still be up, waiting for the king to finish his own endless meetings. Sage knocked on the door, and Orianna herself answered.
“Your Majesty,” she said. “I have a proposal for you.”
13
CASSECK GLANCED UP from oiling his boots as Alex barged through the door and slammed it shut behind him. Without a word he turned to his bunk and pulled his jacket open.
Cass went back to the boot. “It’s less than two years, Alex. Just be glad you have it to look forward to.”
Alex’s shoulders tensed, his arms angled up to remove the jacket. Casseck paused again and squinted at him. “Did you two … fight?”
Alex yanked his jacket off. “She’s so damn stubborn.”
Cass started to laugh but smothered it at Alex’s sharp glance. “I thought you liked that about her,” his friend said cautiously. Alex didn’t respond. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Alex tossed the jacket on the bed and turned around. “She wants to come along. Apparently she’s got it in her head that she could teach edible plants and trapping and fowling.”
Casseck looked thoughtful. “That might not be a bad idea. We’re focusing on physical conditioning, but that stuff could be critical. We also have a few recruits who can’t read—she could school them. I bet she could teach Kimisar, too.” He furrowed his brow in confusion. “You don’t look pleased.”
All those things had also occurred to Alex—she had a lot to contribute, and she’d be even happier than she was here, which was why it hurt so badly to tell her no. He’d been counting on Casseck to back him up. “It’s a terrible idea!”
Cass jumped a little. “Alex, no one will rib you about her, especially once they see how much she can contribute and how little trouble she’ll be. And you’ll be too busy for much, um, else.”
Alex scowled. “I can’t have her around. She’s a distraction.”
Casseck raised his eyebrows. “I’ve lived with you for the last nine months, and I daresay she’s a distraction when she’s not around.”
“No.” Alex shook his head. “And she won’t listen to me. She was all upset, and I had to leave before getting it sorted. I couldn’t find her later.”
Cass folded up his rag. “In that case, I think I’m done with this for the night.”
Alex eyed Casseck as he tucked away his kit. “What are you doing?”
“Morning exercises were always hell when you hadn’t heard from her in a while. I expect they’ll be even worse tomorrow.” Cass peeled off his trousers and crawled into his bed. “I might as well get as much rest as possible.”
*
Alex clutched the gaping wound in Charlie’s throat. “No! This is all my fault!”
His little brother choked and gurgled as blood leaked around Alex’s fingers, dripping onto the stone floor. There was nothing Alex could do but watch him die.
“Such a shame,” said a familiar voice. “Would you like to try again?”
Again?
Alex looked up from where he knelt. Duke D’Amiran held Sage against him, her clothes torn and bloody. The knife he’d used to cut Charlie’s throat was now pressed to hers.
“Choose,” the duke said.
At his side stood the ratty-eared Captain Geddes, holding up a barely conscious soldier with a dagger to his neck.
Casseck.
*
Cass was shaking him by the shoulders. “Alex, wake up!”
Alex flung his arms out, nearly smacking Cass in the face, but his friend jumped out of the way in time. They were in the dark, in their barracks room.