Kendele and her parents are leaving for California to get her settled at Stanford. I tag along to the airport to see them off, and as emotional as the moment is, I never expected her to actually cry. In full view of her parents, she throws her arms around me and plants a wet kiss on my lips, much to my embarrassment. I’d met her folks a couple of times, but I don’t think they were eager for front-row seats to a tongue-wrestling match between me and their daughter, though they’re more amused than angry.
“We’ll always have Pho Junkies,” she whispers when we finally break apart and she’s no longer bothering to hide her tears.
After they go through security, I decide to walk for a little while to clear my head.
I used to hate change. Change meant never being able to stay anywhere for long. I always felt as if I was being pulled up like a weed before I ever had the chance to put down roots. Dad and I would move from state to state, so I never had anything constant to fall back on. Even the fixtures in my life, Dad and Callie, weren’t always there when I needed them, even when they wanted to be.
Okiku was the first person in my life who was completely mine, in the same way that I was the only person that had ever been completely hers. She taught me to face my inner demons, that their presence did not mean I was broken. She loved my darkness, and I loved her light.
I don’t know how long I walk, but by the time I snap out of my thoughts, night has fallen and the first stars wink down at me from the sky. My chest throbs painfully. The sudden pressure catches me off guard, and I stagger slightly before bracing myself against a nearby tree.
It’s getting harder to fend off the energy swirling in my body. It’s getting more difficult to fight off the urge to…destroy. To test the limits of what I can do.
I could level this town, I think. I could lay this city to waste. I could do what the kannushi, Hiroshi Mikage, aspired to do: to bend Japan under his power. I could do the same to this country. I look down at my fingers and I can practically see the energy gathering, waiting for me to give the word and unleash it on the unsuspecting populace.
I could rule over any city—over anything really—that I choose. And nothing would ever need to change again.
But I don’t. I control the pain. I have years of practice. I keep these black desires under lock and key.
Even mindless, terrifying things, those that creep in the dark without any hope for light; even the malice that festers inside me, impatient at my idleness and desirous of a victim—even they want to be free.
Twelve more days.
***
One more day to go and Kagura contacts me through Skype—which is a surprise because she’s never done that before. I know what she wants to talk about long before her face flashes on the screen. She looks worried, just like Callie when we’d talked online only an hour or so ago.
“How’s Riley?” I ask, heading off her first question.
After the media circus died down, Stephen Riley chose to stay in Japan indefinitely, both to recuperate and to continue the search for his friends. We know some people, like Garrick Adams and Alan George, are a lost cause, but he’s still holding out hope for the others.
I was right in my initial assessment of him though. Much to the miko’s discomfort, the man has taken a shine to her, visiting Kagura every couple of days at the Kamameshi Ryokan. He’s done everything short of actually asking her out on a date. If his feelings are obvious enough for Kagura to catch on, they would be obvious to anyone else. I’m sure he’ll work up the nerve one day.
The miko blushes. “That is not important, Tark!”
“I’m pretty sure Callie’s said everything you’re about to, Kagura-chan,” I tell her, laughing. “Yes, I’ll be okay. Yes, I’ve gone over your notes a hundred billion times, and I know what to do. Yes, I’m prepared to accept whatever happens, even if it doesn’t work. I’ll promise not to sulk—”
“Tark.” Kagura is smiling. “I was not going to tell you all that. I just wanted to talk to you again before tomorrow.”
“I’m absolutely flattered, Kagura-chan. I really am.”
“You still have your sense of humor, so I am taking that as a good sign.”
“I always have a sense of humor. What were you expecting me to do, rampage through Washington, DC, and make Godzilla look like a hamster?”
“Are you?”
Kagura never looks like she’s joking, so I watch her for a moment to make sure she’s serious.
“Was that what you were afraid of? That I was going to give in to the temptation and use…this?” I gesture at myself. “Now I’m sad you don’t trust me. Maybe I’ll go climb a tower and swat at a few airplanes.”
“But it’s difficult, isn’t it?” Kagura’s eyes probe at me through the screen. “It was a very powerful hell’s gate, Tark, and you sapped most of its power. It wants to escape, and it could still convince you not to wait out the hundred days.”
“I’m keeping it in check. It’s been ninety-nine days. I’m sure I can make it one more day.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”