“Of course she’s awesome, her sister is back.” Tessa looked over at me. “She’s not allowed to discuss it—ongoing investigation,” she added quietly. I could tell she loved being my official spokesperson, and I was happy to let her have the job. She ran her fingers through her curls. “God, is there anything to drink at this thing?”
As if a switch had been thrown, Miles pulled his arm from my shoulder and put a finger up to his lips, whispering, “Shhhhhhh, come with me, my pretties.” He led us through an arched doorway and down a flight of stairs into a cozy den with leather couches, a massive flat-screen TV, and a pool table. He pulled a couple of beers from a small fridge under the bar. “Liam’s dad and his girlfriend are upstairs, but they’re cool. Just don’t put any cold drinks down on the pool table—leaves a mark.”
He popped the cap off a bottle and handed it to me. “For the girl who needs it most.” He grinned. He offered beers to Tessa and Idina as well. I took a long swallow and let the cold bubbles travel down my throat. I didn’t love the taste of beer, but there was something about this one that felt right: I liked holding it, the shape of the bottle, and being in Liam’s perfect house with my friends. It felt normal, for the first time in a long time.
We found ourselves on a big leather couch talking to Miles and a few other guys from school. Some people asked, at first, about Sarah, or said things like “That’s so crazy!” but then, as Mom had predicted, the conversation moved on quickly: who was trying to get with Kelly, the freak-out that Idina had in chemistry when she got a 60 percent on her exam.
I scanned the crowded room for Max’s little brother, Gabe, knowing that seeing him would be the strangest part of the night, but it looked like he hadn’t shown up, and I was happy for it. The beer made the muscles in my neck relax and I felt warm, safe.
I stood up to head to the bathroom and was surprised to feel my legs loose and wobbly, as if I had played tennis for hours. I’d never had a whole beer before, and this one tasted strong. Under the dim light in the bathroom, I could see my cheeks were pink, my eyes glassy. No one had noticed my haircut, not even Tessa.
I washed my hands and the water came out really hot, almost scalding. I tried to remember everything I’d said. Had I answered with the right words? Was I acting the way I was supposed to? Everyone seemed okay with what I had told them about Sarah, but now I wasn’t so sure. My brain felt foggy, unreliable, like it had after Sarah disappeared and Mom gave me those pills to help me sleep and I couldn’t trust my own memory. There was a knock on the door. “I’ll be right out,” I said. I looked at myself one last time.
When I came out, I practically crashed into the chest of a guy standing right by the door. “Sorry,” I mumbled, not even looking up. A hand grabbed my arm and I spun around, alarmed, until I saw who it was: Daniel, a senior who worked on the school paper and yearbook staff with us. He was tall and cute, and had probably not actually spoken to me in the two years I’d been on the paper.
“Nico,” he said, looking down at me. A little smile crossed his face and I noticed he had a dimple on one side. “I didn’t know you were friends with Liam.”
“I’m not, really, I mean—” I fumbled for something to say. “My friend Tessa is friends with him. And I guess I am too.” I sounded like an idiot.
Daniel didn’t seem to really be paying attention to my garbled answer. “I heard about your sister, I had no idea—you never talked about it,” Daniel went on. “That’s crazy.”
I just nodded, not pointing out that I never talked about it because I’d never talked to him before. He had gone to a different middle school and probably didn’t connect me with Sarah by the time we all got to high school. I tried to think of a response, something witty and light, but I was suddenly jostled from behind as a guy pushed past me into the bathroom, holding a hand over his mouth. The door slammed and we could hear retching inside. “That doesn’t sound good,” Daniel joked. He put his hand on the small of my back and guided me away from the door.
“So how is she, your sister? She okay?” He took a swig from his beer bottle and leaned against the wall. It all felt so casual, I almost blurted out a reply.
“Yeah, she is okay, she’s doing good.” I tried to give the same answer I’d been giving everyone all night. But something about the way Daniel was looking at me made me want to tell him more, to reveal something to him. To impress him.
He leaned down close to my face, as if to hear me better, and I could see the dark stubble on his cheeks. He reached down to touch my necklace, taking the wings delicately in his fingers and turning them over. “What happened to her anyhow?” I could feel his breath on my cheek.