I saw their faces on the television screen at night, but they were starting to feel more and more like strangers.
To have a chance at freedom, my mother will have to testify. Even then, Jan said she may have to serve some time. The question was where. She’s been serving time, in one form or another, ever since. Anything can happen, Jan said. But she said it like it was something to hang on to. Like hope. And I thought of all the things that were happening right this very moment:
Annika, safe and heading back to school—I’ll be back soon, Kelsey darling, promise. Cole and Emma in the backyard while their father grilled burgers. Jan, down at the courthouse with my mother and the lawyer and a judge, deciding on the terms of her deal, and our fate.
I heard someone laughing down the street, from where I sat on Jan’s front porch. And then the rumble of a familiar engine. I stood, already walking down the driveway before his car pulled into view. Already smiling. Already picturing the smile on Ryan’s face as I slid into the seat beside him.
—
The house looked the same from the drive up, until you got close enough to see it, set down the slope. It had mostly burned, the walls caving, the interior charred. The only things still untouched were the black iron gates, the fence encircling the property, and the wall beyond. Ryan stood beside me as I wrapped my hands around the cool iron bars.
It was the first time either of us had been back here. “Wow,” Ryan said, “it’s…” His throat moved as he swallowed. “I can’t believe you got out of there.”
“I think it looks worse than it was.”
He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t.” He sucked in a breath. “It looks exactly as bad as it was, Kelsey.”
I looked over at him, his shoulders tense, his jaw set, staring down the house before us. “You’re mad,” I said. I had done something reckless, and now he was seeing exactly what it was. What I’d done. What I was made of.
“No,” he said, turning to face me. “I was scared.”
“So was I,” I said.
His hand brushed my hair, and I stood a little closer. Leaned a little nearer. Felt a little deeper. And for just a moment, everything felt close, and possible, and mine.
Once upon a time, my mother was a girl who risked everything to leave, risked everything for something that was still just an idea. She took on her life alone, and I couldn’t think of anything braver.
I thought I should feel more scared, because I was alone for the first time, too. But it’s hard to feel that way with the footsteps overhead at night, and Jan cooking in the next room, and my mother’s voice over the phone, and Emma arguing about how long was I staying exactly. And Ryan picking me up, keeping every promise he made to me. Standing beside me as I looked at this house one last time. It’s hard to feel alone when, truth is, you aren’t.
I didn’t know what would happen next. A thought that used to fill me with the greatest fear. But, as Ryan pointed out, maybe I was wrong.
“I’m ready,” I said, tapping the bars one last time. Goodbye, I thought.
Ryan’s hand was warm in mine as we walked down the gravel driveway, away from everything my life had been. But we were something other than the sum of our parts, something bigger than a story.
“So, tomorrow,” he was saying, and his words were music. “I’m thinking you, me, pizza, maybe a movie.”
I stopped him in his tracks, pulled him closer, rose up on my toes to kiss him.
“Oh. I like your plan, too,” he said, which made me laugh. And then he was laughing, too.
I heard the wind coming through the trees before I could feel it.
Like a whisper, getting louder. Something simmering, an idea coming to life.
Like an echo in my head: Out here, anything can happen.
Out here, everything can happen.
It felt, this time, like a promise.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Special thanks to everyone who helped guide this book from idea to finished product: My agent, Sarah Davies, whose thoughtful advice helps shape both ideas and careers. I am so thankful for your guidance.
My editor, Emily Easton, who always sees what an idea can become and shows me how to get it there. I’ve been so fortunate to work with you on five books now!
Phoebe Yeh, Samantha Gentry, and the entire team at Crown Books for Young Readers/Random House.
My critique partners, who provide invaluable feedback at every step of the process: Megan Shepherd, Elle Cosimano, Ashley Elston, Jill Hathaway, and Romily Bernard.
And, as always, my family.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
MEGAN MIRANDA is the acclaimed author of Fracture, Vengeance, Hysteria, and Soulprint. She was inspired to write The Safest Lies after reading a study about the way emotions, like fear, are passed down through genes. Megan lives in North Carolina with her husband and two children. You can follow her on Facebook, on Instagram, and on Twitter at @MeganLMiranda.