The Perfect Homecoming (Pine River #3)

“I’m not,” Madeline said. She settled back onto the couch beside Emma and had a few potato chips as Emma began her story, beginning with the year Grant and Libby had come to Orange County.

She told them how she had been envious of Grant’s attention to Libby, and then had felt so overlooked when he had sent Libby back to Colorado. No one had told her, no one had warned her Libby was leaving. Soon after that, he left, too, without a word to Emma. Not even a goodbye.

Madeline uttered something under her breath about that, but motioned for Emma to continue.

So Emma told them about her mother and Wes, and Laura, and how she’d adored Laura, had wished she was like Laura. So had her mother, apparently, always comparing Emma to Laura, wanting Emma to be more like her stepsister.

“That’s horrible,” Libby muttered.

Emma told them about the summer of her seventeenth year, when Grant had returned to her life, wanting to be the father he’d never been. She had thought him so dashing, and she confessed how excited and hopeful she’d been. “I always wanted him to want me. Always.”

“Welcome to the club,” Libby sighed.

She told them about Laura and Grant, how she’d discovered them. “It’s horrible, right?” Emma said.

“Of course it’s horrible!” Madeline shouted angrily. “What a pig. What a damn pig.”

Emma told them how it was Laura everyone felt sorry for, that Laura was the one who had been devastated by the things Emma’s father had done. And how difficult it had been to live with that, and how she’d begun to understand that summer that she’d been playing second fiddle to Laura for years.

Emma admitted that she didn’t know when her relationship with men had begun to spiral out of control, but somewhere along the way, she’d begun to lure older men in, men old enough to be her father, and then take something from them. She told them about Grif, a rough man with rough appetites.

Emma could tell by the look of alarm on Libby’s face and the shock on Madeline’s how disgusted they were by her behavior and it made her feel awful. “Believe me, I hate me, too,” Emma said. “I feel so dirty all the time.”

“I don’t hate you,” Libby said instantly. “But . . . you didn’t do that to Cooper, did you?” she asked, wincing as she anticipated Emma’s answer.

“No. I mean, not at first.” She told them about running into Cooper in Beverly Hills, and how amazing she’d thought him. And then here, in Pine River, even though he’d known what she was, he had still cared about her. “He was able to see something in me that no one else had ever seen,” she said, her voice sounding as dead to her as she felt.

“Then for God’s sake, what happened?” Madeline exclaimed.

“Me! I happened! What we shared that day was . . .” She sighed to the ceiling. “There are no words for how incredible it was,” she said. “And he . . . he wanted something more. But I knew, I knew in my gut that even if I wanted it, I would not be able to live up to my end of the deal. I would do something to disappoint him. So I told him to go back to LA. I honestly wanted him to go back to LA. But then, I took his St. Christopher.”

“Oh my God, why?” Libby exclaimed.

“God, Libs, if she knew that, she wouldn’t take them,” Madeline said.

Emma looked at her with surprise. “That’s what I said. But I think I know why now. I think I took it so he would come back.”

Madeline and Libby regarded her solemnly. “Well? He did, he came back, right?” Libby said hopefully.

“He did. And we talked. And we . . . well, me—I was honest. I told him the truth about myself.”

“Oh, Emma,” Madeline sighed.

“I had to, Madeline,” Emma said. “Isn’t it better that I tell him up front instead of him finding out down the road about the things I’ve done and all the issues I have? I love him. I really think I love him. But I’m my own worst enemy, and a leopard doesn’t change its spots, does it?”

“It does if it’s important enough. But you’ll never know, thinking like that,” Libby said, sounding angry.

“Why are you mad?” Emma asked.

“Because!” she said, casting her arms wide. “So far, you’ve told us about Grant, who we all know is a loser, and these other men who are so disgusting I can’t even think about them, and this Grif guy, who you chose because he was bad news. Don’t you see, Emma? You’ve never been with one decent guy in your life. How do you know you’d disappoint him? How do you know it wouldn’t be the best thing that ever happened to you? How do you know that it wouldn’t change you somehow and make you a better person? How can you know anything until you’ve at least tried it?”

“You can’t upend years of behavior,” Emma argued. “You can’t suddenly become socially adept. You know me, Libby,” Emma said. “I know me too well. I’ve been wanting to be wanted for so long that I . . .” Without warning, Emma burst into tears. Big, thick tears and gulping sobs, for all that she’d lost today.