The Perfect Homecoming (Pine River #3)

“No you don’t. All that wishing has turned me into someone I don’t like very much. I do things I don’t even understand,” she said bitterly, “things I don’t want to do. And yet, I can’t seem to stop myself.”


He reached across the table and put his hand on her arm. “I do get it. You think it’s easy having a brother who is always in trouble? When he’s the kid that the neighbors suspect stole their lawn mower, and by extension, think you stole their lawn mower, too, because you’re the kid they always see tagging along behind him? I have wished my brother was different. I have wished my dad wasn’t as strict as he was with Derek, and I have wished he could have been a little more understanding. I have wished for a lot of things that never happened. But here’s the thing I know about my brother. Derek isn’t a bad guy. I mean, yes, obviously, he is missing some moral fiber and he does some reprehensible things. But at the same time, he was a great brother to me. He had a big, warm heart, he loved animals, he loved me. He was a good guy underneath, but he couldn’t make himself fit in like the rest of us. He tried, but he could never seem to do it.”

“Boy, do I get that,” Emma sighed.

“Maybe that’s why I’m so angry with you right now, Emma. Because in some ways, you are like my brother. You’ve got issues, but underneath it, you’re a good person. I always knew with Derek it didn’t have to be that way. He could have been anything he wanted to be if he’d only allowed himself to believe it. The same goes for you. I would hate to see you live your life alone and on the fringe.”

Emma shook her head. “I don’t think it’s the same thing.”

“Yes, it is,” Cooper said adamantly. “Look, I can’t begin to understand why you pick up guys and take things. I hate that—it’s disgusting, especially because I know you are so much better than that. You deserve so much better than that.”

She could feel those words squeezing around her heart, holding it tight against the guilt that was roaring up from the bottom of her soul. “Don’t kid yourself about me.”

“Don’t run yourself down,” he said. “Who made you think you were less than zero? Who put that idea in your head?” he demanded a little angrily. “Because they couldn’t be more wrong.”

How was it that he could put into words things she was feeling before she could do it herself? It made her shiver, and she rubbed her arms.

“Remember that night in Beverly Hills?” he asked.

Emma remembered every single thing about it, every moment, every smile. The way his eyes danced in the low light, the way he’d laughed at her recounting of the polygamist anniversary. The way he’d looked at her when she’d left him, the way Reggie kept stroking her earlobe, making her feel like a dog, and most of all, the look in Cooper’s eyes when Reggie had rolled down that window.

She nodded.

“You were different with me that night. You were real. There have been moments here in Pine River when you’ve been that girl. And then you . . .” He made a sound of impatience. He leaned across the table again and grabbed her hand, holding it. “It could be like that night in Beverly Hills with us all the time. Do you get that?”

She wanted to believe it. She wanted that more than anything, but she had no faith in herself. Emma bit her lip and squeezed his hand.

Cooper squeezed her hand, too, and let go, shifting back, sliding away from her. She almost grabbed his hand before he could slip out of her reach, but in a moment, it was too late. “I need to get back to the airport,” he said.

He tossed a twenty onto the table and stood up.

“What about your St. Christopher?” she asked.

He picked it up, took her hand, and pressed it into her palm, then folded her fingers over it. “You keep that.”

“I couldn’t. It’s yours—”

“You need it more than me. And when you look at it, I want you to remember what could have been.”

Emma’s heart stopped. She wanted to say what Cooper wanted to hear. But Cooper wasn’t waiting for her to find the right words, to try and put some spin on it. He put his arm around her waist and walked with her out to the car.

Neither of them spoke on the short drive back to the airport. At the curb, Cooper looked at her, his gaze moving over her face, searching for something. Could he see how close she was to tears? Could he feel how certain she was she would disappoint him? Could he understand how hard it was to let him go?

“You’re not coming back to LA, are you?”

Emma shook her head. If she spoke, she would cry. She would not cry. Because if one tear fell, she would melt, right there in front of the airport, melt away into nothingness.

Cooper closed his eyes a moment, and with a shake of his head, he reached for the door handle.

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” she whispered. “And I will. I will disappoint you so badly you will hate me, and I can’t do that, Cooper. I can’t bear that.”

He suddenly twisted in his seat and cupped her face. “That’s where you’re wrong. You told me you don’t do ordinary love, remember?”