Adam turned to look at me, an exasperated expression on his face.
‘Don’t be silly.’ She smiled and squeezed his hand. ‘There’s nothing you can do. The pair of you must go on your honeymoon. Everything must carry on as planned.’
‘But what about treatment?’ he asked.
‘I’m having chemotherapy, starting on Monday. I put it off until after the wedding, in case my hair fell out.’ She gave a half-hearted laugh. ‘I need to be looking my best.’
She looked at me and smiled pitifully. I locked eyes with her, daring her to show me a glimmer of guilt, a snatch of remorse for what she’d just done. But there was nothing but a self-satisfied glow, emanating from deep within her.
28
Unsurprisingly, after Pammie’s earth-shattering news, dinner had come to a premature end, and both Adam and James had insisted on taking her home and making sure she was settled.
Mum had come home with me, whilst Dad went back with Stuart and Laura.
‘I’ll make us a cup of tea,’ said Mum, busying herself in the kitchen as I sat numbly on the sofa. ‘It’ll make us feel better.’
Will it? I don’t know why us Brits always think it will.
She was still in shock at Pammie’s announcement; so was I, but for an entirely different reason.
She brought two steaming mugs into the living room, and set them on the coffee table. ‘Well,’ she said. ‘I can’t quite get my head around it, can you?’
I shook my head. ‘It does seem rather unbelievable, doesn’t it?’
If she noticed the intonation in my voice, she didn’t mention it. She pulled out a tissue from the sleeve of her navy jacket, which she’d bought especially for this evening, and blew her nose. ‘It’s just so difficult to comprehend. One minute you think you’re fine, and the next, you’re being given news like that. It just doesn’t bear thinking about, what’s going through Pammie’s head right now.’ She bowed her head. ‘Poor Pammie.’
I looked at my mum, my proud mum, who had only ever had mine and Stuart’s best interests at heart, who had looked after my dad, who had put her own career as a nurse on hold to care for us all, and who had excitedly got her hair blow-dried for tonight. And then I thought of Pammie, who was so consumed by jealousy that she had set out to destroy me for her own warped amusement.
This wasn’t right. Pammie could do her worst to me, but to do this to my mum? I wasn’t prepared to let that happen.
I moved up the sofa to sit next to her and took hold of her trembling hands in mine.
‘Mum, I’ve got something to tell you. Something that I really need you to listen to.’
Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she looked up at me, the worry and fear of what I might be going to say etched on her face. ‘What? What is it?’ she said.
‘Pammie doesn’t have cancer.’
‘What? What do you mean?’ she asked, shaking her head in confusion. ‘She’s just told us she has.’
‘I know what she said, but she’s lying.’
‘Oh, Emily,’ she gasped, as a hand flew up to her mouth. ‘How could you say such a thing?’
‘Mum, please listen. I don’t want you to say a word until I’ve finished, and then you can say whatever you want. Okay?’
I told her everything. I started at the very beginning, from Boxing Day, right through to what she did with Charlotte at my hen weekend. Mum sat there open-mouthed, unable to articulate whatever it was she wanted to say. She kept trying, but the words wouldn’t form.
By the time I’d finished, I was sobbing, and she held me to her, rocking me back and forth. ‘I had no idea,’ she cried. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because I knew you’d worry about it,’ I said. ‘I’m only telling you now because I can’t bear to see you like this.’
‘So Pammie brought Charlotte to the hen party?’ she asked incredulously. ‘Even after everything I told her?’
I nodded. ‘Yep.’
‘If I’d have had any idea what was going on, I would never— What about those poor boys? Who would do that to their own children?’
‘I’ll look after Adam,’ I said.
‘Will you tell him?’ she asked. ‘Will you tell him what you know? Are you sure you’ve got this right, Em? It’s one hell of an accusation to be throwing around, and if you’re wrong . . .’
‘I’ll handle Adam in my own time,’ I said. ‘Let’s get the wedding over and done with and then I’ll work something out. I’ve tried to tell him, but he just can’t see it. She can do no wrong in his eyes. Something will happen, though. If I give her enough rope, she’ll hang herself.’
‘Are you sure you should be going ahead with the wedding, if you’re not sure . . . ?’ she said.
‘I love Adam with all my heart, and I can’t wait to be his wife. I’m not marrying his mother, she’s just something I’m going to have to find a way to deal with.’
‘I’m so sorry, Em . . .’
‘I’ll work it out,’ I assured her. ‘And besides, Charlotte and I are talking again, so it’s not all bad.’
We offered each other weak smiles and hugged. I felt a million times better already.
29
By the time Adam appeared, Mum had reluctantly gone home. ‘Promise me you’ll be all right,’ she said on the doorstep. ‘I’ll stay if you want me to.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ I said. ‘I just need to make sure Adam is okay, and I’ll see you at the hotel tomorrow afternoon. You know what you need to bring, don’t you?’
She smiled. We’d been through it a hundred times. ‘I’ve got my list,’ she said, waving as she got into Dad’s car.
Adam looked broken, like a man who had been crushed into a thousand pieces. I so wanted to take his pain away, but I had to wait. I had to be patient. I couldn’t just steamroll in and say everything I’d told my mum. He was different. This was his mother we were talking about, and I had to be very careful how I played it.
‘I can’t believe this is happening,’ he said, as he sat at the dining table with his head in his hands.
I went and held him from behind, but he was rigid in my arms. ‘We’ll get through this,’ I said soothingly. ‘Once the wedding and honeymoon are over with, we can work out a plan.’
‘How can I go to Mauritius and lie on a beach, when Mum’s back here fighting for her life? It’s not right.’
‘But we don’t know what we’re dealing with yet,’ I said. ‘By the time we get home, we’ll have more information.’ I didn’t anticipate her being able to keep this cruel farce up for much longer than that.
‘Maybe so, but if it’s her first round of chemo on Monday, I want to be here for it,’ he said.
I could feel my chest tightening and willed myself to stay calm.
‘We’re getting married . . . tomorrow,’ I said, checking my watch. ‘Let’s deal with this one day at a time.’
‘Right now, I don’t even think the wedding can go ahead,’ he snapped. ‘It just doesn’t feel right to be celebrating, when Mum could be dying.’
I didn’t say a word. I just calmly walked away, leaving him to see the sense in what I was saying. When I got into the bedroom, I silently pummelled a pillow in frustration.
By the time he came in, I was dozing, but I came to as he slid into bed.
‘How are you feeling?’ I asked. ‘Better?’
He let out a heavy sigh. ‘I think we should postpone the wedding.’
I sat bolt upright, my head spinning. ‘What?’
He cleared his throat. ‘I don’t think we, I, can go ahead under the current circumstances. It’s such a huge shock, and I need time to think this through.’
‘Are you being serious?’
He nodded.
‘Honestly, for real?’ My voice was getting louder and going up an octave with every syllable.
‘It just doesn’t feel right, Em. Admit it. This is not an ideal situation to be getting married in. We don’t want our wedding to be a blur, do we?’
If he was looking for validation from me, he’d come to the wrong place.
‘Your mum has cancer.’ I put the c-word in inverted commas with my fingers.