The text read: Of course. Would be lovely to see you son. What time do you think you’ll be here? I do hope she isn’t off cavorting. It happens so often these days. Mum x
What? I read it again. What the hell was Pammie talking about? I scrolled through my message history. The last text I’d sent her was a reluctant ‘Thank you’ for my birthday dinner the week before.
I read her text again. I do hope she isn’t off cavorting. It clearly wasn’t meant for me. She must have meant to send it to James. He was back with the girlfriend she didn’t think much of. That would go some way to explaining it. Poor girl. Sounded like she was getting an even rougher ride than I was.
I listened for the running water of the shower, before reaching across the bed to retrieve Adam’s phone from his bedside. I quickly flicked through his texts. One, from twenty minutes earlier read: Hi mum, Emily’s off to a work conference this weekend so I was thinking about popping down to see you. Does Saturday work for you? x
A hotness filled my head. She was talking about me. She’d sent her reply to me instead of him. I held down a frustrated scream and clenched my fists, resisting the temptation to throw myself on the bed and pummel the pillows. The door handle to the bathroom turned, and I practically threw Adam’s phone onto his bedside.
‘Hey, what’s up?’ he said, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. I didn’t know if he could see the guilt in my eyes, or the anger brewing within me.
‘Nothing,’ I said tightly, turning to open the wardrobe. Most of my clothes were at his place now because that’s invariably where I spent most of my time. I was still paying rent on the flat with Pippa, but I was spending less than two nights a week there, so Adam and I had been talking through our options.
‘Do you not want to move in here permanently and give yours up?’ he’d asked just the night before, as we were lying in bed.
I’d tried not to let the squeak of excitement escape when I spoke. ‘It doesn’t seem to make sense doing what we’re doing at the moment, does it?’ I’d said, as nonchalantly as possible, though I was sure he could hear the slightly hysterical lilt in my voice.
He’d shaken his head.
‘But I don’t think this is where I want to live permanently.’ I’d wrinkled my nose and he’d sat up, propping himself on an elbow.
‘What? You don’t like the 5 a.m. wake-up call from the stall vendors?’ he’d smiled. ‘All that shouting and hollering at some ungodly hour on a Saturday morning? What’s wrong with you?’
I gave him a playful slap on his arm.
‘So, do you want to ditch both flats and look at getting something together?’
I smiled and we sealed the deal by making love.
This morning, we’d woken up full of excitement and were getting ready to go and trawl the agents in Blackheath, albeit lettings, but who’d have thought little old me would wind up in SE3? I’d been buzzing, until his mother’s text had pinged up on my phone, and now I had an uncomfortable tightness around my chest, as if she’d got her hand in there, pulling me down.
Of course, I could tell Adam exactly what the problem was and read him her message, to show him how hurtful she could be. But then I had to rely on him being honest too. He needed to acknowledge that the message was meant for him and about me. I didn’t know if he would. He’d no doubt just bat it away and say, ‘Oh you know Mum, she doesn’t mean anything by it.’ But whether she meant anything by it or not is irrelevant. If I’m upset by it, then I’d expect him to stand by me and support me, not side with his mother.
Though if I was honest with myself, I was already doubting who Adam’s priority was, after one or two comments he’d made earlier in the week, whilst we’d been in Scotland.
‘So, will we be hearing wedding bells anytime soon?’ Lovely Linda had teased, in her soft Scottish lilt. I’d affectionately nicknamed her as such because she was so, well . . . lovely. I tried to see past the family resemblance, the small pointy nose and the thin lips. Linda won out because she had warmth in her eyes, whereas her sister Pammie had none.
‘Whoa, steady on now,’ said Adam, laughing. ‘We’ve only just met.’
I’d smiled along with him, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling a little hurt at how flippantly he described our relationship.
‘Yes, but when you know, you know, don’t you?’ she said, with a wink.
‘We’ll see,’ said Adam, taking my hand.
‘What would you do?’ she pressed on. ‘Would you have a big traditional wedding?’
‘If I was ever going to get married,’ I’d giggled, emphasizing the ‘if’, ‘I’d like to go off somewhere hot, with just our nearest and dearest, and do it on a beach somewhere.’
‘Ooh, imagine that,’ cried Linda. ‘What a fabulous idea.’
‘We couldn’t do that,’ exclaimed Adam, looking at me as if I were mad. ‘Our families would go ballistic.’
‘Mine would be okay,’ I said.
‘And don’t you be minding us,’ pitched in Linda. ‘You do what you want to do.’
‘Mum wouldn’t be happy,’ said Adam. ‘I’m sure she’d like a big do up here, so all the family could be there.’
‘It’s your day,’ said Linda. ‘It hasn’t got anything to do with anyone else.’
‘You could always pop down to Gretna Green,’ piped up Adam’s cousin, Ewan. ‘It’s only up the road and you don’t even need a witness.’
We’d all laughed, but in amongst the titters I heard Adam saying, ‘I’d never get away with that!’
So, I knew where I stood, and all the while I was second best, I’d pick my fights carefully. I wanted to enjoy today for what it was, for what it could be. I wanted to wander through Blackheath Village like other couples that I used to see. Look excitedly into agents’ windows before going in and reeling off our requirements. Yes, we’d decided that a second bedroom would be beneficial. Yes, if we didn’t have to compromise on location, a small garden would be a huge plus point. No, we didn’t have any pets. We’d run through our wish list like little kids, the night before, until it had got silly. No, we wouldn’t consider a subterranean basement with no windows. Yes, we would like to overlook the heath if there’s a remote chance that it’ll cost less than our combined take-home pay.
It could be a great day, so should I tell him what she’d done and how it made me feel? Or should I stay schtum? Was there really any choice?
Adam came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and let his towel fall to the floor. I’d lost focus on what I was looking for. I couldn’t even see the shirts and blouses I was pulling along the rail. There were just blocks of colour, no item seemed to register, the anger building with every hanger.
‘You sure nothing’s wrong?’ he said as he nuzzled my neck.
Say something. Don’t ruin it. Say something. Don’t ruin it. This could so easily go one of two ways.
‘No, honestly,’ I said, turning around and returning his kiss. ‘I’m just thinking about work. There’s a lot going on.’
‘I’ve got something that will relax you,’ he murmured. ‘That will clear those cobwebs.’ I watched as his head dropped and he peeled back the flimsy lace of my bra, circling my nipple with his tongue.
I could feel the rage within me dissipate as his fingers travelled down, pushing my knickers to one side.
I made a half-hearted attempt to push him away. ‘We can’t. We’ve got things to do.’
‘There’s plenty of time for all that. First, just let me see if I can free you of all those worries and stresses.’