‘Well, that’s what she told me on the phone,’ she said indignantly. ‘If she’s going to stay here, she can sleep on the sofa. You and James can sleep in the spare room.’
‘But Mum . . .’ started Adam. I walked into the hall to see her hand in the air, her palm just a few centimetres away from his face.
‘There are no buts. That’s the way it’s going to be, whether you like it or not. If you loved me and respected me, you wouldn’t have even asked.’ The tears began to flow then, slowly and quietly at first, but when Adam didn’t go to her, the sobs became louder. I stood there dumbfounded, silently willing him to stand strong. When her shoulders started to heave, Adam took hold of her and held her to him. ‘Ssh, it’s okay, Mum. Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. That’s fine. Of course it is.’
‘I never said—’ I started, before Adam’s eyes told me to stop.
‘Whatever you’d like us to do,’ he said soothingly, rocking her back and forth like a baby.
He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders apologetically, as if to say, ‘what more can I do?’ I turned away from him as he went up the stairs.
There was the tiniest frisson of anger bubbling up inside me and, if I hadn’t had too much to drink, I most probably would have left and driven home. Had I known that James would be here, and that I’d be expected to sleep on an old sofa, I would have stayed with my parents. I wanted to be with Adam, and I thought he wanted to be with me, but here I was, having to pander to his Mum’s needy behaviour and defend myself.
‘You don’t mind, do you?’ Pammie asked, a little brighter now, as she fetched a duvet and pillow down from upstairs.
I fixed a smile on my face and shook my head nonchalantly.
‘It’s just that there have to be boundaries. In our day, we wouldn’t think about getting into bed with anyone before getting married. I know it’s different now, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. I don’t know how you young people do it, just sleeping with anyone that takes your fancy. It’s such a worry for me and my boys. Next thing we know, we’ll have some tart turning up claiming to be pregnant with their child.’
Was she talking about me? I took a couple of deep breaths and exhaled just a little too loudly. It wasn’t quite a sigh, but there was enough for her to pick up on.
‘Oh goodness,’ she went on. ‘I’m not saying you’d do something like that, but we can’t take our chances, can we? And if it’s not pregnancy we have to worry about, it’s catching a disease.’
Why was she using the term ‘we’ instead of ‘he’?
‘Here, let me get that,’ said James, coming in and taking the two corners of the duvet cover that I was reluctantly holding up for his mother. He shook the cover down.
‘I’m sorry, and it’s lovely to have you here, but had I known you were staying . . .’ Pammie was still going on.
‘Mum, why don’t you go and get a sheet from the airing cupboard?’ said James. ‘We can lay it on the sofa.’
I watched her as she left the room, and then turned to look at James. It was taking all my willpower not to blow my cheeks out in exasperation.
‘Sorry,’ he said. I obviously wasn’t hiding my feelings very well. ‘She’s just old-fashioned.’
I smiled, grateful for his acknowledgement.
‘You can sleep in my bed if you like.’
It was an innocent comment, but it made my cheeks colour all the same. I plumped up a pillow that didn’t need plumping.
‘I’ll bed down here with Adam,’ he continued. ‘It’s not the most romantic Boxing night for you two, I know, but I’m afraid it’s the best I can offer.’
‘I appreciate it,’ I said genuinely, ‘but it’s fine, really it is.’ I looked at the lumpy, uneven cushions on the sofa. ‘I’ve slept in worse places.’
James raised his eyebrows and smiled, displaying a dimple I hadn’t noticed before. ‘I’ll take your word for that.’
I suddenly realized how my comment could be misconstrued. ‘I mean, when I used to go camping with my family,’ I said. ‘We used to go to this place in Cornwall, which to an eight-year-old was like something out of an Enid Blyton novel. The babbling brook, the cows that used to sit down if it was going to rain, the boulders we had to find to hold the tent down, the gnats that were friends with the fairies . . .’
He was looking at me as if I was mad. ‘I used to read a lot of books and write a lot of stories as a child,’ I said apologetically.
‘That’s nothing,’ he said, as if in competition. ‘When I was younger, I battled monster pterodactyls and woolly mammoths . . .’
‘Ah, you were a reader too,’ I said.
‘I was nine, what can I say?’ he said defensively.
We both laughed. ‘It sounds like we both had overactive imaginations,’ I said. ‘I sometimes wish I was that age again – life was a lot simpler. Now, you’d have to pay me to sleep in a field with a noisy stream, dirty cows, uncomfortable rocks, and biting flies!’
‘So now this old sofa is looking strangely appealing, eh?’ he said. I smiled.
‘Where are you two lovebirds going to head to then?’ asked Pammie, as she came back into the room, busily unfolding a sheet.
‘Emily’s very nice,’ said James, ‘but she’s my brother’s girlfriend, so I’m not sure what you’re implying and what that says about me.’ He laughed heartily.
‘Oh, my goodness,’ Pammie shrieked. ‘I thought you were Adam!’ She turned to me. ‘They look so alike – they always have done. Like peas in a pod.’
I kept my smile painted on.
‘There’s a lovely pub about a mile or so down the road,’ she said. ‘If I remember rightly, they’ve got a few rooms there too. They’ll probably be all booked up, what with it being Boxing night and all, but it might be worth asking, seeing as you said—’
‘You ready?’ called out Adam as he came down the stairs, hat and gloves in his hand.
I was too dumbfounded to respond immediately, so Pammie did it on my behalf. It seemed she was good at that.
‘Yes, she’s here. You two go and have a lovely walk. I’ll make a fresh brew for when you’re back.’
I wrapped my scarf tightly around me, covering my mouth just in case the words I was thinking came tumbling out.
‘Sorry about that,’ Adam said, grabbing my hand as we made our way down the dimly lit lane.
Relief flooded through me. So I wasn’t going mad. He’d noticed it too.
‘I know it’s not ideal, but it is her house,’ he went on.
I stopped stock-still in the middle of the road and turned to face him. ‘That’s all you’re apologizing for?’ I asked.
‘What? I know it’s a pain, but it’s only for one night, and we’ll get up and go early tomorrow. I want to get you back to my place.’ He came towards me, and his lips brushed mine, but I stiffened and turned my head away.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ he said, his tone changing.
‘You don’t get it, do you?’ I said, louder than I’d intended. ‘You’re completely blind to it.’
‘What are you talking about? Blind to what?’
I tutted and almost laughed. ‘You go around in your cosy little world, not letting anything bother you, but guess what? Life’s not like that. And all the time you’ve got your head stuck in a little hole, shutting all the sound out, I’m out here taking all the shit.’
‘Is this for real?’ he asked, about to turn back to the house.
‘Can you not see what’s going on here?’ I cried. ‘What she’s trying to do?’
‘Who? What?’
‘I told your mother that I’d have a little tea and she’s forced a full Christmas dinner on me, and I also told her that I’d be staying over, and she assured me that was all right. I would never have come had I known . . .’
‘Had you known what?’ he asked, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly. ‘In our house, tea means dinner. And are you absolutely sure she agreed to letting you stay with me? Because she’s only allowed one girl to do that, and we’d been together for two years. We’ve only been together, what? Two months?’
His words felt like a physical blow to my chest. ‘It’s three, actually,’ I snapped.