That night she’d met James in Ventura. It had taken her hours to get there in traffic, the cars on the 405 and 101 freeways an endless parade of lights. Dylan had pulled down the rearview mirror every few minutes to check her makeup. To brush her hair. The minutes before she saw James were always the best and the worst. The anticipation. The anxiety. It melded together until she laid eyes on him—then it fell away.
They’d found a little Spanish tapas bar near the beach and sat outside. It was spring, but the weather hadn’t quite caught up with the season, and it was chilly even with the heater. They’d feasted on small plates of stuffed olives, croquetas, and prawns in olive oil. Dylan had never tasted food so good and loved how he took the time to explain each dish to her. They’d walked next door where an eighties cover band was playing, James making a joke that she hadn’t even been born when those songs were on the radio. They’d danced until they could hardly stand, then stumbled back to James’s hotel room, him sliding his hand up her skirt in the elevator, kissing her so deeply they missed their floor. Once they got to the room, he’d thrown her down on the bed and hiked her skirt over her hips. She turned to face him, but he twirled her back around hard and pulled her panties aside. Dylan had been shocked—James had never been this dominant with her before. It felt dangerous and selfish, but also exhilarating. She found herself wanting him to tell her what to do, who to be—wanting him to own her. And in his rush, James hadn’t put on a condom.
After, as they lay in bed, James was back to the James she knew, sweetly cuddling her, blanketing her bare shoulder with soft kisses. “Sorry, I got a little carried away there.”
Dylan laughed. “You think?”
“Did it scare you?”
“No,” Dylan said quietly. “I was surprised, but I liked it.”
“I was just watching you dancing in the bar, your skirt swinging up and giving little hints as to what might be under there, seeing the way the other guys were looking at you. It was so hot, I couldn’t control myself when I got you alone. I wanted you to know you belonged to me.”
Dylan took a deep breath. “I do.”
Dylan startled at the sound of the knock at the door. “Dylan, are you in there?”
“Yes, sorry, I’ll be out in a minute!” she said as she frantically wrapped the test in toilet paper and stuffed it in the bottom of her straw purse.
“Sorry,” she said as she swung the door open.
“Still having stomach problems?” James asked.
“Yes, but not too bad.”
“You sure?” he said, and took her hand. “You gonna be okay?”
Dylan searched James’s face. “I’m going to be just fine.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
DYLAN—BEFORE
“You got us a Jeep?” Dylan leaned against the cherry-red door and raised an eyebrow at James.
“I did. You like it?” James twirled the key around his finger proudly.
Dylan tried to smile, but all she could think about was how bumpy the ride was going to be. How the sharp twists and turns of the road to Hana were going to make her more nauseated than she already was. She’d hauled herself out of bed this morning, running the water and quietly gagging over the toilet so James wouldn’t hear. All she’d wanted to do was sleep all day. But she also understood that this time with James was precious, and she wanted to savor every minute.
“Oh, shit. I should’ve asked you first. I just assumed.” He turned away, obviously disappointed. He’d been talking about this Hana adventure for weeks. The Jeep was part of the fantasy for him.
“No, it’s going to be great,” Dylan said quickly. “I’m just going to need this.” She grabbed the Dodgers hat off his head and put it on hers. She took a drink of the overpriced bottle of water she’d purchased at the coffee kiosk by the front desk, trying to distract herself from the acid swirling in her stomach.
“You sure this is okay, that you’re okay?” James squinted at her. “We don’t have to do this.”
“Totally fine!” Dylan sealed her lie with a grin. Earlier, after James had left to get the rental car, Dylan had run back to the bathroom and vomited twice—unable to keep down the orange juice or the oatmeal with dried fruit that had seemed like such a good idea when she’d ordered it.
James put his arms around her neck. “Good. I thought it would feel great on a day like this,” he said, looking up at the cloudless sky. “Besides, now you’ll be the hot girl in the Jeep. And I’ll be the lucky guy who gets to sit next to you.”
Dylan blushed at his compliment, forgetting her sick stomach for a moment.
“This dress, by the way. It makes your skin sparkle.”
Dylan poked her finger between James’s ribs. “Okay, now you’ve gone too far—you can’t be serious with that line! So. Cheesy. Has that actually worked on someone before?” Dylan laughed. She had a voracious appetite for James’s compliments, but sometimes he walked a fine line between making her feel special and sounding like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. She always told herself it was part of his charm and pushed away the inauthentic nature of his words.
James laughed and pulled her into him.
“What’s so funny?” Dylan tilted her head back and let him kiss her deeply.
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I love that you just said that to me. Where’s that sassy Dylan been hiding? I’d love to see more of her.” His hand moved down to her hem, and he teased her by putting one of his fingers under the white fabric and stroking her thigh.
“You would, huh?” Dylan pressed herself into him and felt him get hard. She loved how she could turn him on so easily. Nick was so much more intense and dramatic about what making love meant. He’d never have done it here, in the parking lot of the hotel. He would have needed them to be home, in the bedroom, where couples having “sexual intercourse” belonged. For James, having sex was like an animal instinct. She knew he’d fuck her right there on the side of the Jeep if she’d let him. She wondered if that desire would change after she told him about the baby.
“What’s wrong?”
Dylan hadn’t realized she’d stopped kissing him. “Nothing.”
“Dyl. Come on. I know something’s been on your mind. You seemed upset last night. Tell me what’s really going on in there.” James touched her head lightly.
Even though it had only been less than a day since she found out she was pregnant for sure, the secret she was literally carrying inside of her felt too big to contain for much longer. She studied the dark-green flecks in his eyes, the way the skin between them knotted as he watched her, and contemplated telling him. Would he be happy? Disappointed? She put her arms around his waist. “James—”
“Get a room!” A few teenage boys with a tanned faces and sun-bleached hair leaned out the window of a passing pickup truck, the back piled high with surfboards.
Dylan jerked back.
“Dyl—”
The moment was lost. What had she been thinking anyway—about to give him life-changing news right here? She needed to think, to plan the right time to tell him. “I’m fine. I told you. I caught some sort of bug, and I think it’s still lingering, but I’m okay.”
James frowned. “Promise me?”
Dylan crossed her fingers behind her back. “Promise.”
“Okay, good.” James opened the door and motioned her in. “It’s getting late, so we might end up driving some of the road at night. But it will all be part of the adventure. You ready?”
Dylan swallowed hard at the thought of maneuvering the narrow roads in the dark. But she didn’t say that to James. Instead she said, “Always,” and climbed in, pulling her seat belt across her chest.
As James drove them toward the town of Paia, where they planned to stop at the Kuau general store and stock up for their drive, Dylan found herself thankful they had the top down, grateful for the wind that made it nearly impossible to talk. Plus, the fresh air was helping with the nausea, so she closed her eyes and breathed in as much as her nostrils would allow and let it lull her to sleep.
“Dylan?”
Dylan opened her eyes.
“We just got to Paia. You fell asleep.” James leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I think you needed it. You tossed and turned all night.”