I swallow a moan of dismay.
“—But you’ll still be a Harvard grad. I have no doubt about that.” She pauses. “What does the father say?”
“It’s up to me. He supports me either way.”
The smile that spreads is genuine. “Ah, you’ve got a good one then.”
I do. Tucker has been very good to me, and that’s part of the problem. If I keep this baby, I’m impacting his life in a thousand different ways—and not all of them are good.
“I’m sure you’ll make the right decision, whatever it is.”
“Thanks.” I push to my feet. “I know that this is weird, me coming to you, but my mom…” I trail off.
“I’m glad you came to me,” Professor Gibson says firmly.
I thank her again and leave the office. I know I should talk to my girls, but they’ll say the same things as Professor Gibson. In fact, the reason I went to her was because I thought for sure she’d tell me to get the abortion.
Five minutes later, I sit in my car, staring unseeingly at the dashboard. I miss my mom right now. She was hardly ever around and we weren’t close, but she’s still my mother and I wish she were here. I want to know why she kept me when she clearly didn’t want me in her life.
When I get home, I pull out a sheet of paper and start listing the pros and cons. Halfway through the cons, I tear the sheet in half and throw it away.
My answer has been there all along. I didn’t need to see Joanna, or Professor Gibson, or commune with my absentee mother. The fact is, I haven’t scheduled the abortion because I don’t want to get one. It might be the best option, but I’ve spent my whole life feeling unwanted.
I tuck a protective hand over my still-flat stomach. A smarter girl would get the procedure done, but I’m not that smart girl. Not today.
Today, I’m keeping it.
23
Sabrina
I lie in wait outside Tucker’s eleven o’clock class. Rather than ask him when we could meet up, I stalked him online and found a post on the Briar YikYak that had all of the players’ schedules. That’s not creepy.
As students stream out of the ivy-covered building, I recognize maybe one in thirty, if that. My time at Briar is coming to the end, and I don’t have much to show for it. Some kids graduate with a raft of friends that they carry into their postgraduate life. Me? I’ve got my degree, Carin, and Hope. And now a baby. I guess the baby outweighs the entire sisterhood of a sorority.
Tucker strolls out with Garrett Graham. They’re both gorgeous, but Tucker is the one who commands my attention. Not that Graham isn’t good-looking, but Tucker’s all I see. He shaved his beard. I don’t know how I feel about that—I liked the beard—but I can’t deny that his clean-shaven face is equally appealing. He’s got a dimple in his chin that was hidden by all the scruff. God, I want to explore that dimple with my tongue.
The rest of him is equally tempting. He’s wearing a tight, long-sleeve knit shirt with one corner tucked into the side of his jeans. A pair of sunglasses is perched on the top of his auburn head, which is thrown back as he laughs at something Graham is murmuring out of the corner of his mouth. Behind them trails a line of hungry girls who desperately want the attention of these guys. But they’re both more interested in exchanging quips than scoping out the women.
A flutter of relief washes over me. Since the night at the hotel, we haven’t slept together. There was the pregnancy discovery and then Beau’s death and then Beau’s memorial and then…nothing really. My head hasn’t been in a good place since New Year’s.
I bite my lip. I didn’t want to drag him down with me, but that’s exactly what I’m doing.
He cuts off mid-chuckle when his eyes land on me. His lips move, saying something like, “I’ll see you later, man. I’ve got something to take care of.”
Garrett’s gaze swings toward me, and he probably says, “She’s going to suck your soul out. Stay away from her.”
Tucker’s lips curve up. He’s either replying that he can handle me or likes the way I suck or maybe even, “Too late.” As he saunters toward me, Garrett’s glare moves from Tucker’s back to my face.
I smile wide, showing a little teeth.
“You’re avoiding me,” Tucker murmurs when he reaches me.
I switch my attention to him, tuning out Garrett, the adoring girls, and the rest of our classmates. They’re a distraction and I owe it to Tucker to be focused.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind,” I admit.
“Yeah. Me too.”
When he quirks up an eyebrow, I tilt my head toward the crowd. “Got a moment?”
“For you, always.”
My heart squeezes. I’ve been AWOL for weeks and he still finds a way to look at me like I’m the only girl in his orbit. I don’t fucking deserve him.