I’m a hormonal mess lately. Constantly on the verge of sobbing, and I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy or because I miss Tuck.
I miss him so fucking much it breaks my heart, but I don’t know what to say when I’m with him.
I don’t fucking know what to do.
The hug finally breaks up, and we both step back awkwardly. A dozen questions flicker in his expression, but he doesn’t voice a single one. Instead, he says, “Let’s walk. If we stay on the move, maybe we won’t freeze to death.”
Laughing again, I allow him to sling his arm around me, and we take off down the path, our boots crunching over the thin layer of snow beneath them.
“How are classes going?” he asks gruffly.
“Okay, I guess.” I’m lying. It’s not okay at all. I’m finding it impossible to concentrate on anything other than the subtle changes in my body. “You?”
He shrugs. “Not great. It’s been tough to focus ever since…” He trails off.
“Ever since this?” I gesture to my stomach.
“Yeah. And Beau too. Dean’s not doing too great, and there’s lots of tension in the house.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’ll get better,” is all he says.
God, I wish I had his faith. And his resilience. And his courage. I’m lacking all those things right now. Just the thought of opening my mouth and bringing up the pink or blue baby elephant in our vicinity makes me want to throw up. Or maybe that’s the morning sickness.
But as usual, Tucker doesn’t push the subject. He simply changes it. “Did you come here a lot when you were growing up?” He gestures at the beautiful display of nature all around us.
“When I was little,” I admit. “Back when it was just me and my mom and Nana, we’d come here every weekend. I learned how to skate on Frog Pond.”
He gives me a sidelong look. “You don’t talk about your mom much.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Resentment crawls up my throat. “She wasn’t around much. I mean, she used to make an effort when I was really young, up until I was six, maybe. But then the men in her life became more important than me.”
Tucker’s gloved hand squeezes my shoulder. “I’m sorry, darlin’.”
“It is what it is.” I glance over at him. “You’re close with your mother, right?”
He nods. “She’s the best woman I know.”
Emotion clogs my throat. Tucker might’ve lost his dad at a young age, but obviously his mother did everything she could to make up for that. From what he’s told me, she worked her butt off so her son could have a good life. My own mother could take a few lessons from Mrs. Tucker. So could Nana.
“Our childhoods were so different,” I find myself saying.
“And yet we both grew up to be awesome people.”
Him, maybe. Me, I don’t feel so awesome right now. But I keep the thought to myself. “Does your mom want you to move back to Texas after college?”
“Yeah.” He stops in the middle of the path, releasing a tired-sounding breath.
“Do you want to move back?” I ask, then hold my breath as I wait for his reply.
“I don’t know.”
He rakes a hand through his auburn hair, and I track the motion of his hand. His hair looks so soft to the touch. It is soft to the touch—I know this because I’ve run my fingers through it on many occasions. I want to do it again now, but I’m scared that if I touch him, I won’t be able to stop.
“My plan was always to go back after graduation. I want to be close to my mom, take care of her, you know? But when I was there for the holidays…” He groans softly. “There are no opportunities in Patterson. None. It’s a tiny town that hasn’t grown at all in a hundred years. And I wouldn’t even be able to commute to Dallas because it’s a four-hour drive. I originally thought I’d live in Dallas during the week and stay in Patterson on the weekends, but that sounds exhausting the more I think about it.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I have no clue.”
I wait for him to turn it around on me, ask me what I’m going to do about this baby, but he doesn’t.
“You want to go watch the skaters for a bit?” he suggests.
“Sure.”
We start walking again. His arm is still around me. His familiar scent wafts into my nostrils and makes me ache. I want to kiss him. No, I want to drag him back to wherever he parked his truck and maul him. I want to feel his lips on mine and his hands on my breasts and his cock moving inside me.
The happy squeals of children greet us before we even reach the pond. A bittersweet feeling washes over me as we approach the railing. Dozens of people whiz past us on the shiny surface of the rink. Kids bundled up in colorful coats and scarves and mittens. Families skating together. Couples gliding hand-in-hand.
Tucker reaches for my hand and laces our gloved fingers together, and we stand there watching the rink for a while. My heart skips, because it feels like we’re a real couple. Just two happy people spending the afternoon in the park, enjoying each other’s company.