***
I drive to Addie’s school, park in the circle parking lot, and wait for her to come out. I notice all the married couples picking up their children, laughing, smiling; they’re picture perfect. I snarl at them, disgusted by their happiness. The way they make it look so easy to find a soul mate, appear to be so flawlessly in love without a care in the world angers me. I clench my jaw, my eyes narrowing. I stare at my fingers deep in thought. I have been on a path of fury since this morning. Bobby declaring us over is all my fault. See why love is a disaster waiting to happen – at least for me it is. I want to be open with Bobby. I want to tell him everything that has ever happened to me, but what good would it do? When I’m with Bobby, when we are together, I am free from every burden. I’m in another dimension, another world. The only thing on my mind, the only thoughts in my head, is the pleasure between him and me. I didn’t want to complicate that with explaining my fucked-up past. Now, I don’t have Bobby at all, which is worse.
“Hey, Mom!”
I look behind me finding Addie climbing in the back seat. She looks so beautiful today, her blonde hair in pigtails, and her cute little red dress, with black leggings on. I had just missed Bree taking her to school this morning.
“Hey, baby, how was your day?” I question, smiling. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had, or what terrible feeling I am experiencing, Addie with her innocence and bright personality always makes those dark moments vanish. Being a single mother is hard, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Every memory from her throwing up on me in the middle of the night, to losing her first tooth is a memory I cherish.
“Eh, it was school. Do we get to pick up movies tonight?” she asks, pulling her seatbelt across her lap.
“Yes, we can,” I reply, pulling from the circular drive. Since she stayed at Bree’s the other night, we didn’t get to have our movie night that I had previously promised.
I look in the rearview mirror, and notice Addie is smiling like a goofball out the window as we pull out onto the main road.
“What are you so chipper about today?” I laugh, looking back in the mirror. Addie takes her gaze from the window to me, her little braces gleaming with the sunlight as her soft round cheeks take a hue of pink.
“I think a boy likes me,” she squeals, her cheeks going from pink to red. My face falls, and my heart plummets.
“What?” I turn around, taking my eyes off the road, making a car honk its horn in passing.
“Shit,” I curse, pulling on the steering wheel to get back in my lane.
I look in the rearview mirror at Addie, her smiley red face gone and now frowning. I shake my head, silently cursing myself for my outburst. But my little girl is only nine, boys already?
“That’s great,” I try to muster, putting on a fake smile. Her face beams as her braces come back into full view with a big grin.
“He is so cute, Mom. His name is Anthony, and he is so good at basketball,” she rambles, her voice giddy and happy. “You don’t have to worry. He’s not one of the bad kids in class or anything. He’s really smart,” she comforts, trying to ease my mind. I give a tightlipped smile and pull into the movie rental’s parking lot. I’m not worried about him being a bad kid, not at the age of nine. I am worried about him breaking my daughter’s heart. All boys are heartbreakers, wearing what’s left of a girl’s heart they broke on their sleeve.
***
I love my daughter, but the movies she’s picked for tonight have me wanting to pull my eyeballs out.
Armageddon, Never Been Kissed, and A Walk To Remember. Someone shoot me.
“How about we watch mine first?” I suggest, tossing the DVDs on the coffee table. Addie turns from the sounds of popcorn popping, and her face twists as her nose turns up.
“Chuckie?” Addie asks, her voice laced with disapproval at my movie selection. What can I say? I love scary movies.
“No thanks, Mom,” she replies, pulling the bag of popcorn out of the microwave. I sigh and plop down on the couch. Sappy love stories it is then.
Addie doesn’t even make it through all of her movies. She passed out thirty minutes ago, leaving me to a pillow clutched against my chest, and tears running down my face as I watch the ending of A Walk To Remember. I shake my head, wipe away the tears, and silently curse Addie and her puppy love. I place a blanket on Addie, not wanting to wake her and turn the TV and lights off. I walk into my room, pulling my sweats off, and releasing my hair from its ponytail.