‘In his professional barrister capacity?’ It’s all I feel comfortable saying in front of Sandrine.
‘Yes,’ he says equally evasively. ‘I won’t be long. An hour at most.’
Which is about how long it takes me to get James to sleep, even though Sheila has very kindly made up the cot they keep at theirs, so at least he doesn’t have to cram into the travel cot again. Sandrine seems much more relaxed, and happily goes off to the second spare room, saying she wants to get plenty of rest ahead of her day of travelling tomorrow. I watch Coronation Street with my in-laws – which I haven’t seen for years – while drinking a strong and very milky cup of tea that Ed’s father has made me, and think first about Ben driving back to Chichester in pieces, and then – my jaw clenching – Simon trying to kiss me. Just as the credits start rolling, Ed suddenly bursts into the room, his eyes sparkling and his step positively jaunty, as he clutches a bottle of champagne.
‘Evening all!’ he smiles widely, holding it aloft. ‘Can I get anyone a drink?’
‘Ooh, lovely!’ says Sheila. ‘Yes please!’
‘Jess? Will you give me a hand?’
He leaves the room, and picking up the baby monitor, I heave myself up out of the sofa and follow him through.
He’s waiting for me and before I’m even through the doorway, he grabs me round the waist, picks me up and whirls me around delightedly.
‘Ed!’ I’m slightly alarmed. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ He puts me down unsteadily, and I wobble to stay on my feet. Has he been drinking already? Before I can ask, he holds a finger up to his lips and whispers: ‘No. I’m not drunk. Ask me where I’ve just been.’
‘To your sister’s. You said that was where you were going.’ I can’t help my irritated tone. I’m sick of games.
He shakes his head. ‘I didn’t go to Katie’s to see Daniel. I made that up. I actually went to see that bloke.’
‘What bloke?’ I draw back. ‘The one you paid? I thought you told me you didn’t know him?’
‘I don’t. I had to ask my mate to tell me where I’d find him. I wanted to be upfront that the police had come to see us today, but make sure he knew he had nothing to worry about; we didn’t say anything to them about what I’d paid him to do. Anyway, I went to this pub, and he was there. He was massive – not fat as such, but really solid. I was shitting myself – I felt like I was in a Guy Ritchie movie or something – but when I told him why I’d come, he just started laughing. Proper belly laughing. He told me to sit down and then proceeded to tell me he never went to the Strallens’ at all that night. He just took my money and told me he had. He said he was going to give me a piece of advice; I should never try and do anything criminal ever again, because I’m shite at it, and I’ll definitely get caught. Then he told me to piss off and that he never wanted to see me again.’ Ed looks at me, delighted. ‘Don’t you see? It means Louise Strallen’s death really was an accident – I had nothing to do with it at all! AND it means if anything else malicious happens to you – or us – we can now call the police! How great is that? This has been a fucking brilliant day.’
‘Edward Casson!’ his mum says sharply, coming into the room carrying the empty cups in time to catch his last sentence. ‘Potty mouth! I take it your gas leak is mended then?’
‘Certainly is!’ Ed grins. ‘Everything is fixed. We’ll definitely be out of your hair tomorrow.’
His mother looks almost disappointed. ‘It’s never a problem. I love having you all here. Why don’t we have a quick round of Scrabble in a minute with that bubbly?’ she adds hopefully.
‘I’ll just go for the drink, Mum, if you don’t mind?’ Ed opens a cupboard and lifts some glasses down. ‘We’ve had a long week and I could really use an early night. Plus Jess needs to get Sandrine to the airport in the morning, so she ought not to be long either.’
‘I’ll go a quick round with you if you like, Sheila?’ I offer, seeing her disappointment. ‘And Ed, you can come and play too. Open the booze and come through to the other room.’
It’s a bizarre end to a surreal week; sitting in my mother-in-law’s sitting room drinking champagne and playing board games, still aware that I need to tell my husband about my ex kissing me today.
‘Don’t you two want to pop out to the pub?’ his father asks after we’ve exhausted Scrabble and Sheila suggests moving onto Pictionary with a glass of Baileys. ‘You might as well. We can call you if James stirs.’ He eyes the turned off television wistfully.
Ed looks at me and shrugs. ‘Want to?’
‘I’ll pass, thanks. Like you said, I’ve got to take Sandrine tomorrow. I’ll go up now I think. Do you mind if I go through the bathroom first?’
‘Go for it.’ Ed sits back on the sofa happily. ‘Put the telly on, Dad.’
Sheila starts to put the sherry glasses back in the drinks cabinet rather sadly and I feel bad, but not so much that I offer to stay up any longer.
As I walk past Sandrine’s room, I can see under the door that her light is already off. I creep into our room to pick up my toiletries bag and freeze as James stirs in his sleep… but manage to tiptoe back out and to the bathroom. Once I’m finally alone, I lock the door, reach into my back pocket and pull out the piece of paper Ben dropped at my feet before he walked away, and sit down on the closed loo.
26 Jan 22.33
Hi. You need to be told the truth, Ben.
Who is this?
Jessica has been lying to you. Ask her who Beth’s real father is.
WHO IS THIS?
Ask her about your daughter’s married teacher.
Do you mean Simon Strallen?
Hello?
Please answer me. Who are you?
WHO ARE YOU?
27 Jan 9.05
Please tell me who you are.
Are you Simon?
ANSWER ME!!!!
I exhale. The sender could be Simon, it could be Natalia… it could even be Laurel. I scrunch the paper into a ball, unable to look at the evidence of Ben’s suffering for a second more. Getting up – I throw it into the loo, weigh it down with tissue, and flush. But the damn thing won’t go. I flush it noisily again, and then a third time before it vanishes, at which point I hear a small, frightened voice shout: ‘Where are you, Mummy? I can’t find Mummy anywhere.’
I force the image of Beth frantically looking for me from my head and hurry into the bedroom to James. Everything that has happened this week has slowly unhinged my thinking to the point that now I’m no longer picturing Beth as smiling and happy – which is how I want to remember her, and is a place I have worked so hard to get to. All of the old feelings of guilt, powerlessness and fear have been unlocked by whoever it was that stole my house keys. My nightmares have all returned. Which is, no doubt, exactly what they wanted.
I begin to sing James back to sleep, sitting on the carpet and holding his hand through the bars. I love him so much. Thank God, he is safe in his cot, and Sandrine is safe in her room. I have managed to protect them, and if anything else happens now – I can call the police. That at least is a huge relief. I must hold onto that. I think about the two officers earlier, asking if we’d noticed anything out of the ordinary… I’m so glad they didn’t arrive in time to find Ben peering in at the windows looking for me, and have to add to his distress by picking him up. But, thinking about it, I realise that actually none of it is Ben’s style. He certainly wouldn’t go round the back of the house – he’s far too polite for that. He would have knocked, and if he’d had no answer – he’d have simply come back later. It wasn’t him that our neighbours saw. A man loitering…
It must have been Simon. I’d bet my life on it.
* * *
‘You’re certain you don’t just want me to do the drive to the airport while you stay here?’ Ed asks, hands in his pockets, all three of us shivering beside the packed car on the pavement outside his parents’ house. Sandrine looks at me, alarmed, silently imploring me not to take him up on his offer.