Kari told me to try to remember every detail and to take the time to commit it all to memory. She said it would all be over before I know it. I try to live in the moment, but I’m really just waiting for the one at the end.
I know my friends are watching me, I can feel their gazes as we walk to the front of the room. I know I should acknowledge them, but I can’t. My heart is drifting down the aisle, waiting to become one with its other half . . . the half I’ve been looking for my whole life.
The song fades away as we reach the front. My father stops us in front of Cane.
The room quiets and I can hear everyone sitting down. Max stays standing slightly behind Cane and I know Kari is still standing, too, behind me.
Cane’s eyes are boring into mine, his shy smile on his lips. I want to kiss him. I want to tell him how many ways I love him and I know he feels the same. I can see it written all over his face.
My father unwinds our arms and kisses my hand before placing it inside Cane’s.
“I’m trusting you with one of the two most precious things I have,” my father says. “I know you’ll take care of her and love her.”
“I give you my word,” Cane says, his tone somber.
My father nods and walks away.
CANE
I watch her eyes, looking for some sign of hesitancy. I search her face, feel her hand in mine. She simply smiles and hands her bouquet to Kari, looking far less anxious than I am.
The officiate clears his throat and we turn to face him. He starts the ceremony, saying all the things we went over earlier. I try to listen to what he says, but can’t help but be distracted.
I watch Jada out of the corner of my eye. She’s absolutely peaceful as she watches the man droning on before us. She seems perfectly content, like she’s listening to someone read a book.
I take a deep breath and blow it out.
Just a few more minutes.
“On this day, you blend two lives into one. Though your new life together will have hopes and disappointments, successes and failures, pleasures and pains, you will battle through them all as one unit. The sand ceremony is to remind you of the blending of your lives. And, although you are now one, may you continue to radiate the traits that drew you to one another.”
I lead Jada to the table and pick up the gold sand. She picks up the pink and we pour our sand into the empty vessel, our respective colors mixing together. She grins up at me and I fight myself from blurting out something hostile and making the officiate cut to the good part.
I grab Jada’s hand and guide her back in front of the officiate. He talks again and I wait for Max to give me the ring. I know he’s paying attention because that’s what Max does.
My palms begin to sweat as this guy goes on and on.
We get it. This thing is forever and we have to treat each other right. Come on, man. Hurry the fuck up.
Shit! I shouldn’t think like that about a man of God. I’m going to hell.
Forgive me, Father, please. But hurry him up, too, will ya?
After what feels like far too long, Max hands me Jada’s ring.
JADA
Cane takes the ring from Max and turns to face me. His shy smile streaks across his face, making him look so vulnerable. It almost breaks my heart, in a way. I glance around the room quickly and realize there is no one here for him. He has no family here to watch this part of his life. No one from his past, no friends, no one that’s ever loved him. Just Max.
I want to wrap my arms around him and smother him with kisses. I want to kiss away all the pain, the loneliness I know he feels on some level. But I don’t because I know the best way to fix him is to give him me.
He reaches for my left hand and begins to slip the band on. I wait for the officiate to say, “repeat after me” like they do in ceremonies, but he doesn’t. My breath hitches in my throat when Cane begins to speak.
“They sent me a lot of canned language they said I’d have to repeat today, but I couldn’t do it,” he says softly. So softly, in fact, that I’m not sure if anyone can hear it but me. He’s watching the band settle against my engagement ring, rubbing his thumb across it.
“None of those words say what I want to say to you. But then I sat down and couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say either.”
He brings his eyes to mine and smiles. “I promise to love you until the day I die. I promise to protect you without thought, to push you to achieve your dreams, and to try to be the man you deserve.
“I promise to send you flowers for anniversaries, texts for no reason, and to kiss you in the rain. I promise to be faithful to you and only you for the rest of my life.”
“You remembered . . .” I whisper, the words coming out in hiccupped sobs. My heart squeezes, so in love with this man that I almost can’t deal with it.
“You’ve given me everything I didn’t even I know I wanted, Jada. You give me a reason to stop being the coach,” he winks.